John Tesar finally tells it all. ALL.

Our September issue of D Magazine has been mailed to subscribers and will be on newsstands by the end of the week. The cover story, “The Most Hated Chef in Dallas,” is a rough-and-tumble profile of poor, misunderstood John Tesar. The profile was written by former DMN-staffer-turned-freelancer Jason Sheeler. Tesar didn’t hold anything back and takes plenty of shots at former employers, employees, chefs — even his old running buddy Anthony Bourdain. Tesar’s controversial thoughts will be heard loud and clear.

Sheeler spent weeks with Tesar. He shadowed him in the kitchen at The Commissary, at the bar in Tei-An, and at his condo on East Lovers Lane. During the interview process, Sheeler managed to track down Bourdain for a interview. After phone calls to publicists, assistants, and various emails and texts, Sheeler finally reached Bourdain on the phone. “Don’t ever let anybody ever tell you aren’t f**king good at your motherf**cking job,” Bourdain said to Sheeler when he answered the phone. “I don’t even want to know how you got this number.”

It’s a wild read. Tesar tells all.

Hark! This morning, an email with the subject line: Check out this trip to Spain.

Turns out the festivities at Central Market has inspired A Taste of Spain, a boutique travel agency specializing in private, authentic culinary tours of Spain, to create a special tour for CM customers. It’s called the Ultimate Foodie Tour of Spain and it takes place September 11-18, 2011. Check out the full itinerary. Here are some highlights.

From hands-on cooking classes to VIP wine tours to avant-garde meals in Michelin-starred restaurants, A Taste of Spain has created a spectacular itinerary with the participation of Spain’s best chefs, food purveyors, and wineries throughout Madrid, Rioja, Basque Country, and Catalonia. Among the highlights: dinner at the restaurants of Paco Roncero and Quim Marqués (pictured is coca de sardines from his Suquet de l’Armirall), two of the participating chefs during Passport Spain; a private visit to Caves Naveran to taste and learn the process of Cava, the Catalan sparkling wine; and lunch at a private sociedad gastronómica.

I am not getting paid for writing this or taking any freebies but I’m just saying, I am going on this trip. Anyone care to join me? Book your reservation. Questions? Email culinary@atasteofspain.com.

Members of the D Empire chowing down on Cattleack Barbeque served by owner Todd David.

This report just in from D CEO managing editor, Christine Perez:

Alas, I had back-to-back appointments yesterday and missed the lunch that Todd David of Cattleack Barbeque brought in s a special treat for D Empire employees. I edited Peter Simek’s profile of David’s new catering business for the current issue of D CEO and was dying to try Cattleack’s specialty beans. (And yes, I’m sorry to say, I edited in a misspelling of the barbecue meister’s company name; it’s Cattleack—get it?—not Cattlejack.)

I talked with Rhett Taylor, advertising director for D CEO, to get his take on the meal (knowing he would have partaken, as sales guys are always looking for a free lunch). Here’s what Rhett had to say:

“The meat was very tender and flavorful, even without the sauce. The sauce was a little spicy for me, but I’m a wuss. The creamed corn was good, but spicy, too. The coleslaw and peach cobbler were both fantastic. The best part of the meal was the beans. There was as much meat in the dish as beans.”

So there you have it.

Click here to read Peter Simek’s profile of Todd David and Cattleack Barbeque.

Make the perfect belly, er, stocking, stuffer.

The Moth's cicerone, Matt Quenette, only looks innocent.

I thought about this post a lot yesterday as I lay in bed for 17 hours with the blinds drawn and a cool, dark pillow over my head. I could see it all so clearly: by hook or by crook, Schlabs and Quenette (respectively, the Meddlesome Moth’s co-owner and cicerone) are bound and determined to do me in with their Satan-in-a-Sunday-hat charm and invitations to rare beer tastings.

Exhibit A: Wednesday’s once-in-a-lifetime Saint Arnold Vintage Divine Reserve tasting — nine beers paired course by course with seared jumbo sea scallops, Scotch eggs, and individual pumpkin pies — co-conceived by special guest Saint Arnold owner/brewmaster Brock Wagner and the Moth’s Chef Chad Kelley.

It’s really best if I let the menu — which, it must be noted, would have sucked the restraint out of Norman Vincent Peale — speak for itself:

jump for the menu…

English barleywine

Belgo-American quadruppel paired with a seared jumbo sea scallop with parsnip puree and a golden raisin compote.

Double IPA paired with jalapeno-bread grilled cheese with Tillamook cheddar, braised shank, caramelized onions, and arugula.

Wee heavy paired with speck, brie, and grainy mustard.

Russian imperial stout paired with orange-scented chevre and crushed walnuts.

American barleywine paired with a Scotch egg with a jalapeno-deviled yolk.

Weizenbock paired with aged Manchego and fig jam.

Scotch ale paired with a black-pepper-brisket Reuben on Jewish rye.

And, finally, an imperial pumpkin stout paired with a pumpkin tasse and candied pecans.

I’m exhausted just recounting it. In fact, I think I need to lie down under my desk. Clearly, the strength of the private reserves (not one was under 8 percent alcohol; most were 10) and richness of Kelley’s menu points to a thinly veiled plot designed to knock me out of commission. Well played, gentlemen. You succeeded.

At this point, those without a sense of humor will feel compelled to remind me that a) I could have cried “uncle” at any time,  b) Schlabs and Quenette are fine, upstanding young men, c) any after-effects are my own damn fault, and d) the world does not, in fact, revolve around me.

Those people are no fun at all.

The takeaway: that it’s a good idea to check the Moth’s website for more events of this kind. And while this one was invitation only (seats at this table of 15 went for $85 each and disappeared before Captain Keith even finished writing the invitation list), the Moth hosts scads more that are open to all. Keep a keen eye out for the next one.

And if I’m going to be completely honest here, yesterday’s infirmity had more to do with a seasonal bug than it did with overindulgence. But what’s a Friday afternoon for if not exaggeration and good-natured finger pointing.

Thanks to Schlabs for inviting me to be his guest at this event.

Jam Jars both small and large.

Clever culinary student and 20-something entrepreneur Emily Skipper surprise-delivered these tasty treats to our offices this afternoon. (How did she know we’d need a 2 p.m. pick-me-up?) Her clever Jam Jar Sweets concept of jamming homey cobblers, s’mores, and cakes into Mason Jars may not be the first we’ve tried, but it might just be the tastiest.

UPDATE: Check out Emily and her Jam Jars at the Addison Four Winds Market at the corner of Beltline and the Toll Road on Saturday and Sunday.

Mini-donuts fry best in soy oil (left); the finished product (right)

What’s this? Jump to read all about it…

D staffers rolled out of bed earlier than normal this morning (especially for a Friday) to be on hand when Nancy Dee of Lil’ Bits Mini-Donuts showed up to fry up a few dozen of her signature mini treats right here in our own kitchen on the 21st floor. Making do with our counter space, Nancy threw down dough for a good half hour, cooking up so many of these remarkably light Os (her actual machine can produce 1,200 an hour) that we finally had to cry “uncle” if we were to get anything at all done today.  Sure, the upstairs smelled a little like the Fair, but it was worth it to witness the love. Check her out at www.LilBitsDonuts.com.

Nancy Dee drops several dozen minis in our office kitchen (left); D staffers are nothing if not sharers (right)

This is not Leslie Brenner on a diet.

DMN dining critic Leslie Brenner is on a diet. On January 4, she announced that she is determined to lose 20 pounds on her Restaurant Critic’s Diet.  (I’m sure the Oprah’s peeps have already called.) So far, Brenner has dropped 9 pounds in 7 weeks. Today in an f-laden post (Foodies Fit Forever!) she reports that, on deadline, she managed to burn 401 calories at the gym.

Teresa Gubbins, always on deadline at Pegasus News, decided to take a shot at La Brenner’s efforts. In a tidy little essay, “Shedding #s, The Restaurant Critics Diet,” La Gubbins, the emaciated veteran dining reporter, takes a look at the dietary hazards of being a restaurant critic. Gouda stuff.

The texture is perfect–the right balance of crumbly and moist. And here’s a revelation–it actually tastes like peanut butter, as opposed to some overly sweet sugar-dusted, dried-out hunk of cardboard. The verdict: “The best peanut butter cookie I’ve ever eaten,” declared one Web-ette. I concur. Later I will report how well they freeze, because that’s where they’re going–straight to my freezer to pull out on another rainy day.