DMN reporter Eric Aasen says that the one woman, Christi Erpillo, has successfully found a way to dip a Samoa into a vat of boiling oil. The fried food expert is using her favorite cookie to celebrate the Girl Scouts’ 100th anniversary this year at the State Fair, which starts September 28.

Erpillo plans to top the chocolate-caramel-coconut cookie with more chocolate drizzle, caramel, and toasted coconut.

Apologies to all of y’all drooling at your desk right now.

Since an Art Fair it a very visual event, check out some of the local artists who exhibited here.

Work of Upcoming Artist Gareth Rathbun

I hate it all as much as I hated eating in Paula Deen’s restaurant in Savannah. I can still smell the cloud of burnt butter that met me at the door of Lady and Sons Restaurant. The portions were obnoxiously huge and I had to shower when I got back to my hotel.

The last time I visited the Fair, I sat at one of the picnic benches and watched a family of three eat their way through a pile of food. The husband and wife, maybe in their early 40s, were obese. The woman was in a wheel chair with an oxygen tank. The husband, who weighed at least 350 pounds, was shoveling food in his mouth using both hands. The saddest sight was their son. He couldn’t have been 12 years old and already on the verge of obesity. He was listlessly staring at the ground and gnawing on a huge turkey leg.

I can hear you crying: “It’s only once a year. Live a little. Have some fun.” I can’t. That isn’t fun or funny to me. It’s gross.

Mini-donuts fry best in soy oil (left); the finished product (right)

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D staffers rolled out of bed earlier than normal this morning (especially for a Friday) to be on hand when Nancy Dee of Lil’ Bits Mini-Donuts showed up to fry up a few dozen of her signature mini treats right here in our own kitchen on the 21st floor. Making do with our counter space, Nancy threw down dough for a good half hour, cooking up so many of these remarkably light Os (her actual machine can produce 1,200 an hour) that we finally had to cry “uncle” if we were to get anything at all done today.  Sure, the upstairs smelled a little like the Fair, but it was worth it to witness the love. Check her out at www.LilBitsDonuts.com.

Nancy Dee drops several dozen minis in our office kitchen (left); D staffers are nothing if not sharers (right)

Love the Fair but end up steering clear of the Midway on vegan principle? Your reunion with Frito Pie is in the offing. The first State of Texas Veggie Fair on Oct.16 (sponsored by DallasVegan.com) combines cruelty-free vegan food (think veggie corny dogs, Frito pie, and funnel cakes) with carnival games, fried food, and fire dancers.

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Get crispy at the Vegan Fried Food Contest judged by Teresa Gubbins from Pegasus News, Lisa Petty from NBC DFW, Matt McCallister (Executive Chef from Stephan Pyles), and Stephen Doyle from the Dallas Observer.

Sample food from local vegan heavy hitters such as Spiral Diner, Tough Cookie Bakery, and the soon-to-open V-Spot Veggie Cafe.

Dance off any fried-food guilt with music from Saboteur, Adam and the Ancient Gods, Jessie Williams, Joe Ray, Todi Stronghands, Mike Townsend & James Genova, Here Holy Spain, Rocket for Ethiopia, and The Hormones.

Learn about cruelty-free living from local and national organizations including Mercy For Animals, Black Vegetarian Society of Texas, Animal Connection of Texas, and Dallas Vegetarians.

Afterward, be sure to indulge your inner (and actual) child in carnival games, a bounce house, clowns, fire dancers, and more.

Disclaimer: Let me preface the following by saying that I was raised by Pennsylvania Dutch parents, which explains a lot about what I’m about to say:

When I was growing up, the list of what my parents “didn’t believe in” (mayonnaise, private cars, food made by strangers, and tuna from a can) was almost as long as the list of what they actively feared (avocados, botulism, spices of all kinds, and activities that attracted more than four people). That being said, both going to the State Fair and eating spicy foods were completely out of the question.  (My only experience of going to a Fair came in 1976 when our elderly neighbors staged a  pity-abduction and took my brother and me in the back of their wood-paneled Travelall.  Sidenote: once we got there, I was both too thrilled and too afraid to eat anything.)

So, imagine the illicit charge I got (as both a food writer and Fair virgin) as I noshed my way through the tastings at last night’s Fair Food sneak peek in the Food & Fiber Pavillion. From this year’s bumper crop of  TX commestibles, three standouts made my list for best bets for stocking the goodie-corner of my pantry.

• Luscombe Farms’ Jalepeno Peach and Sweetfire Confetti jellies. Creator/owner Leslie Luscombe’s zippy condiments won Best in Show and People’s Choice awards at this year’s Zest Fest.
• In a Pickle sweet and hot pickle slices. I’m dressing burgers  with them as soon as I finish typing this.
• Bugtussle Burn salsa, a sweet salsa with a sexy back end.
• Alberto’s relish, a julienned catch-all condiment that could end up being a pantry staple in my house.

Since most of these products are brand-spanking new (some only a few months-old) their year-round distribution is limited. So, consider this your opportunity to stock up at the pavillion’s  foodie store. As for me, I’ll be busy overcompensating – standing in the middle of a crowd and eating spicy guacamole made by complete strangers while I wait for them to take me for a ride in their car.