Over it.

This is the last post for Valentine’s Day dining options in Dallas. Open his link and you will find romantic options from restaurants, bakeries, and take-out spots. If you are a restaurant and you are not on this list, please post your information in the comments section.

I’ve got a hot date for Valentine’s Day!

Do you hate the hype of Valentine’s Day? Or do you like paying triple the regular price for a dozen roses and mediocre chocolate? Yes, I know it’s great for the restaurant business and I encourage all  lovers–young and old– to dine out. Get engaged. Spend hours making love. Make Hallmark happy.

But what about those of us without a date? Why don’t we get a night? Restaurateurs and barkeeps, I see a niche with an burning itch. Call me a hopeless unromantic but I do the same thing every year for VD: Two nights of pure bliss. And you, what do you do?

NEW PRIORITIES FOR BEATEN-UP CONSUMERS: “Too many restaurant and hotel execs are grappling with pre-recession consumer issues, while people today are expressing entirely new – and more complex — sets of concerns.” Yes, according to these guys, we (consumers) are “personal, emotional and ethical.” That throws me out of the equation, but for you this is very important. Are you familiar with your “hot buttons?” (Beat, beat.) “Hot buttons include: economic survival, reassurance, intimacy & friendship, feeding my knowledge, feeding my emotions, artisan, hand-made, neighborhood, local, authentic, real.” Cold, hard bitches need not apply to 2010. Look for this: “hotels and restaurants should be luring these hunkered down consumers from their psychological storm cellars (Cymbalta?) by replicating the “campfire experience” – building emotional ties and connecting to communities. OH GOODY, more S’MORES!

PUTTING FOCUS ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE MENU: Have you ever read about the psychology of menu writing? I’ll bet you didn’t know that the left side of the menu is reserved for “emotional resonance.” In case you don’t watch In Treatment, that translates into creative snacky things, small plates, food sized for one, two, or for a crowd. Sharing is the key because we need comfort and safety for intimacy and friendship. (Hmm, I usually feel safer when I get the whole cake.)

Jump for more joy!

UPSCALING THE DOWNSCALE: (Clever title, eh? I even remember the PBS series.) Anywhoo, next year look for gourmet hamburgers (groan) smothered with fancy cheese (they suggest Manchego) and fancy hot dogs (yes!) served with goat cheese (no) and guacamole (what are these guys smoking?). I’m sorry I just lost respect for this report. “French fries revved up with parmesan cheese and truffle oil”—puhleeze make truffle oil disappear into the tanks of delivery trucks.

FRESH = LOCAL = HAND-MADE = SAFER = BETTER: Do you have “organic” and “natural” fatigue? Your medicine will be exciting “new” comforting words like “fresh” and “local” and “hand-made.” Feel better? The report goes even closer to the ledge: “That’s why farmers markets are catching on everywhere even though food there (sic) costs more than at chain retailers: People are looking for edibles they can trust.” (Yea, my ex-husband is finally out of style.) Be bold—“house-made, locally-made bread, artisan cured salami, chef-pickled vegetables, locally- butchered beef, honey from nearby hives, food purchased from regional farms” will be strong. Vegetable gardens and beehives on roofs! Vegetable gardens at the White House! Rejoice!

FRIED CHICKEN IS THE NEW PORK BELLY: Over it. I am not paying Thomas Keller a zillion dollars for fried chicken.

PUTTING IN “GOOD” ADDITIVES INSTEAD OF TAKING OUT NASTY ONES: This should be a law not a trend.

THEY LAUGHED WHEN WE SAID “TONGUE”: Yes, they did and in Dallas, they will continue to do so. However, in case you travel, eat on Jefferson Avenue or at Charlie Palmer’s,  look for pig’s ears, pork cheeks (yummers), gizzards, tripe, and “other innards” to be chic. They should have titled this entry, “Poor People’s Food is the New Sorta Rich People’s Food.”

LOSING CONTROL OVER LANGUAGE: Talk about burying a lead—look out folks, YOU are in control. Bloggers, Twitters, Facebookers, Yelpers, and Texters are replacing food journalists. OH. MY. GAWD. PR people are also headed to the endangered species list.

SWEET TO BITTER TO TART: Did you know that “a decade or so back, American palates (and food journalism) made a profound shift from sweet to bitter?” (My guess is that drug pusher Howard Schultz did.) That is why you can’t get enough strong coffee, dark chocolate, broccoli rabe, or Brussels sprouts. Don’t worry, the report notes that we are getting older and we all need more “zing” so we will be rebalancing our sour-salty-sweet tastes. Zing is in. Do not forget that. Very 2010.

MENU CHURN: “A crummy economy and declining consumer traffic forces restaurants to poach each other customers by stealing competitors’ top menu items.” WHAT? No, this can’t be. First, I want a job where I can get paid a bazillion dollars for actually getting “crummy” printed in an expensive report. Second, I can’t believe that any self-respecting restaurateur would actually steal from his competition. I guess I can comfort myself in the knowledge that the report predicts: “Cupcakes are popping up in so many places that this trend is sure to self-destruct.” Get Sprinkles on the line, I feel like celebrating!

MEET YOU AT THE SUPERMARKET: Seriously? This is soo 1999. “The frequency of meals eaten away from home was sliding even before the global economic collapse – in large part because fewer women are working…” I can’t even go there, I’m late for my appointment at Jenny Craig.

CATERING TO KIDS: “It’s no accident that kids’ menus are popping up on chain restaurants: The recession did it.” WTF? Once again, I want the job of writing this report next year. Oh, here’s some big news: “Chains such as P.F. Chang and Cheesecake Factory added children’s menus this past summer, with Chipotle Grill following suit.” Shocker.

Here is your homework. Buzzwords for 2010.
Authentic Neapolitan pizza. Lamb riblets. Too many food trucks, not enough curb space. Latino street food. Farmed trout creeps up on farmed salmon (potential movie). Curry- and Indian-spiced fried chicken. Vietnamese sandwiches (bahn mi). Gelati. Global comfort food (HUH?). Artisan hot dogs. Made-to-order ice cream. Chefs turned butchers (Brad Pitt to play Nick Badovinus.). Casual comfort. Touch-screen kiosks and home delivery in fast food outlets. Latino street food. Wood oven cooking. More energy drinks and adulterated waters (interesting choice of words). Mood food.(Excuse me? Mood food? Somebody help me here.) Backyard and rooftop bee hives. Stevia. Kimchee. Urban farms. Griddled burgers. Free food. House-made everything, especially in sandwiches.

Blatant ommission: Frozen yogurt.

The same goes for restaurants that call and request a restaurant review or “listing.” I ask them to send a copy of the menu and tell them they will be considered for a review but there are never any guarantees. If I do decide to write about it and the review isn’t glowing, I usually get a phone call, e-mail, or letter complaining that I was unfair. Okay, carry on, just a thought.

Please don’t sue me for using your cover art.

I’m stuck at home in my little glass house. I see a few pebbles on the floor and I think I will toss them.

I just scanned through the Dallas Observer’s 2009 Best of Dallas® Food list. It reminds me of that Who song. What is it, Kirk? Something about the new boss and the old boss? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Bomp, bomp, bomp. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Dave Fairies, I have a quick question: Does the Observer repeat “Bests” if, when the next year rolls around, no one else  fills the category as “Better®?” (That’s mine, dude.)  This is a serious question and I ask it because I have to deal with the beast of ‘Bests” and understand the difficulty at uncovering them. So, Mr. Fairies, do you roll over “Bests” from year to year by moving them into different categories or because they are the “Best” of their original category? Let’s go through the list together and see. Jump with me. It’s not far.

Cindi’s New York Deli: 2008 Best Breakfast; 2009 Best Chicken and Dumplings

Fogo de Chao: 2008 Best Churrascaria; 2009 Best Meaty Experience

Yumi to Go: 2008 Best Home Delivery; 2009 Best Bird’s Eye View (seriously?)

Jimmy’s Food Store: 2008 Best Spicy Sausage Sandwich; 2009 Best Italian Grocery (me=guilty)

Royal Thai: 2008 Best Thai Restaurant; 2009 Best Thai Restaurant (Ding! Could answer my question)

Best Seafood: 2008 Fish City Grill; 2009 Dallas Seafood Market (seriously?)

Alligator Café: 2008 Best Cajun Restaurant; 2009 Best Cajun Restaurant (Ding! Ding! Could answer my question.)

Afghan Grill: 2008 Best Middle Eastern Restaurant; 2009 Best Middle Eastern Restaurant (Ding! Ding! Ding! That’s three which officially makes anything a Trend. One more match makes it Truth.)

Garden Café: 2008  Best Local Food Movement Restaurant; 2009 Best Homegrown Experience

Roti Grill: 2008 Best Fast-Casual Indian Restaurant; 2009 Best Indian Food (Yow. Zah.)

Mai’s Vietnamese Restaurant: 2008 Best Vietnamese Restaurant; 2009 Best Vietnamese Restaurant  DING, DING, DING! Ding! TRUTH!

Fair enough, Fairies!  I commend your consistency. I will now pick up my guitar and play.

(But Sprinkles? Really? That is sooo D Magazine.)

While the overall trend in dining today is to eat sloooowly, the Gen Y’ers I know are more content to snack quickly. What happened to the good old days of turning on The Thorn Birds (before you knew Richard Chamberlain was gay), grabbing a spoon and a half gallon of ice cream, and eating the whole thing? Once, after I got turned down for what I thought was my dream job, I went back to my apartment, made a three-layer German chocolate cake, and ate every last crumb. Did I feel better? You betcha.

What is comfort food? At home it is one thing, but now restaurants are trying to comfort us in public. Take Kent Rathbun. (beat, beat…) He has gourmet comfort food. He isn’t alone; there are lots of folks making their mortgage payments by selling upscale mac and cheese. Isn’t gourmet comfort food an oxymoron? If you agree, then WTF is healthy comfort food? A lie? You betcha.

I was curious to see if there were any distinctive differences between generations when it came to constant cravings. I didn’t have to Google far to find this little salty tidbit. Jump with me.The following is copied and pasted from the “Generational Comfort Foods” trend mapping report from the Center for Culinary Development (CCD) and Packaged Facts. (I am not making that up. Someone got paid a lot of money to come up with that. Packaged Facts is going to be the title  of my autobiography.) And here they are:

CCD’s national online survey on the topic (3,700 respondents) found that sweets dominate category choices regardless of age. Nearly half (46%) of men and women across the Boomer, Gen X and Gen Y segments say they turn to baked goods, sweets and desserts for comfort, versus 19% who cite entrées, 14% salty snacks, 13% side dishes, and 4% breakfast foods.
Women favor sweets even more than men (51% of women cite sweets as comfort food, versus 36% of men). Among respondents who cite sweets, 26% chose ice cream as their top comfort food, 23% chocolate and 21% brownies.
Within entrées, roasted meats are the top choice across generations; within side dishes, macaroni and cheese and potatoes are nearly tied in popularity; and within salty snacks, chips rule (cited by 60% of total respondents, followed by popcorn and cheese, at 10% and 8%, respectively).
Cheese — either by itself or with a bread or starchy food — seems to elicit the most “passionate” response across generations, but with generational nuances (Boomers citing artisan cheeses versus Gen X’s cheese crackers, for example).

The research also identified top trends in comfort foods, including:

* Breakfast for dessert. Gen Y pastry chefs and a desire to start the day with a “protein burst” are driving this just-emerging trend. Boxed cereals, already found in snack bars and frozen yogurt shops, are now turning up in desserts, along with desserts such as “glamorized” versions of French toast, waffles and doughnuts.
* Madeover meatloaf. Regional restaurants, nouveau diners and sandwich shops are featuring meatloaf offerings with fuller flavors and natural or leaner meat blends. Boomers like the healthier versions of this nostalgic favorite, while Gen Y is drawn to bolder taste variations.
* Artisan pies. The pies now seen in specialty cafes and fine restaurants reflect the “artisan sprit” of inspired pastry chefs and are not only fresh and “home made,” but “full of good things,” CCD reports.
* Pho/Vietnamese beef noodle soup. First spotted as an emerging trend in 2005, this soup’s popularity has now spread, particularly among ethnically diverse Gen Y consumers. In addition to small shops and Vietnamese restaurant chains, it can now be found in mainstream soup restaurants and Pan-Asian noodle houses. The appeal: flavors that translate well to American tastes, combined with “infinite customizability” via fresh garnishes like sprouts, herbs and condiments.
* Asian curries. Very big among Gen Y and also popular as one-pot dishes among Gen Xers who are cooking meals for growing families. CPGs are beginning to offer curries with new simmer sauces and curry meal kits and frozen entrées.
* “New” casseroles replacing processed ingredients with fresh ingredients, including vegetables and “contemporary” proteins such as turkey, crab and shrimp.
* Mac ‘n cheeses featuring natural and organic ingredients and other flavor twists.

Hmm, is this interesting? Not really, but it is a nice primer to get you in the mood to tell me your guiltiest pleasure(s). When you are down and troubled and need a helping hand, what do you want in that helping hand? Lines are open 24/7. Dish it.