Articles about Really stupid joke

Be Scared: Cupcakes ATMs are Coming to Dallas

posted by Carol Shih | July 17th, 2012 2:39pm | filed under cupcakes, Making Up Is Hard To Do, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, Really?, Snacks, Somebody Help, Sprinkles Cupcakes | 18 Comments »

Yes way.

It’s 1 a.m. and you have a massive cupcake craving that’s ruining your entire night. What do you do? Suck it up? Brave the night, albeit cupcakeless, as man was designed to do since the very beginning of time?

No, because starting as early as fall, word has it that you can go to a cupcake ATM at Sprinkles‘ Plaza at Preston Center location for a late-night snack. The machine is supposed to hold 600 cupcakes at one time, and, according to Bradford Pearson on Park Cities People, “the cupcakes are cycled out to maintain freshness. All uneaten cakes go to a local charity.”

Pray, tell me which local charity would want stale Sprinkles cupcakes? The fresh ones are honestly scary enough. It’s a simple mathematical formula for those of you who understand equations. 1 Sprinkles cupcake consumed = 1 new cavity created.

Convenience has reached a whole new level of ridiculosity. I fear for future generations.

18 Comments »

Central Market Announces “Passport France” Festival May 9 – 22

posted by Nancy Nichols | April 16th, 2012 9:00am | filed under AgriBusiness, Breaking News, Celebrity Chefs, Celebrity Diners, Cooking Classes, Copy/Paste Press Release, Cult Cuisine, Delusional behavior, Food Writing, Foodie People, Merguez Sausage Hunt, party, Really stupid joke, Rewritten Press Releases, SideDish Bump!, Silly Reasons to Celebrate | 5 Comments »

Two weeks in Provence coming soon.

Get ready for Central Market’s yearly culinary salute to foreign food. In 2010, we celebrated Argentina (Hi, Francis!). Last year we pigged out on Spain (Hola, Paco!). This year they are throwing a two-week soiree for France, specifically the southern region of Provence, which will begin on May 9 and run through May 22.

Here’s a little poop I learned: Zee hottest ticket will be a seat in the outdoor tent where the kick-off event, “A Taste of Provence,” will feature a sampling of dishes prepared by Chef Patrice Olivon! C’est magnifique! You know Olivon, oui? He’s the cute French dude who won Iron Chef hosts “Dinner is Served,” a lovely show on PBS. It is set for Wednesday, May 9, and begins at 6 p.m.

The menu includes some personal favorites from his childhood (served family-style at long tables), which will be paired with French wines (shocker!). Think: Pissaladiere (thick, pizza-like dish popular in Nice and Marseilles); tomates farcies (tomatoes stuffed with beef, rice & herbs); cod with aioli; roasted lamb with ratatouille; and warm seasonal fruit cooked in red wine served over vanilla ice cream (really?). So frugal Francophiles, get a cheap trip ($35 per person) to Provence, if only for one evening.  Tickets can be booked by clicking here or by visiting the Cooking School reservation site for Dallas.

Sancerre! Profiteroles! A truffle in every pot! Vamos, I mean, nous permettre d’aller!

(Below, I will copy and paste an actual MEDIA-ONLY release so you can get an insider’s look on how real food writing works. I will pair it with commentary from a professional media person.

Continue reading "Central Market Announces “Passport France” Festival May 9 – 22"

5 Comments »

Let’s Talk Boxing Day in Dallas!

posted by Nancy Nichols | December 21st, 2011 10:56am | filed under Bacon, beer, Boxing Day, Dog Friendly, frozen treats, Holidays, How About This Weather?, I Went to College for This?, I'm a sucker for a man in flannel, I'm about to get fired, Ice Etiquette, Procrastination is part of the creative process, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Slow News Day | 9 Comments »

Hey, hosers! How’s it going, eh? What are your plans for Boxing Day? Betcha Yanks a toonie you didn’t know SideDish is freakin’ huge in Canada! Yep, it’s true, eh? Last time I was in Toronto (Toronnah) I spied some Canadian idiot sporting a toque (two-k) with a big red D on it! My brother-in-law went all Don Cherry on me and said the D stood for Detroit (dee-troi-e-ot). What else would you expect from a pansy Red Wings fan? (Q: What do you call 5 Detroit Red Wings players standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel!)

I love Boxing Day, the first business day after Christmas. All of Ontario closes and we sit on the chesterfield and chow down on donuts, beer, macaroni and cheese, and watch hockey. The NHL pretty much owns Canada on Boxing Day now. They have TEN GAMES scheduled. My friend’s mum puts out (uhoot) a hellofa buffet (boo-fay). And k.d. lang always sends me a fruit cake. Go Leafs! (Q: Why don’t the Leafs drink tea? A: Because the Canadiens have all the cups.) And hello Peterborough!

9 Comments »

This Little Piggy Went Downtown

posted by Sarah Reiss | November 15th, 2011 12:34pm | filed under Bacon, BBQ, Bring it!, cheap eats, Cheap trick for comments, Chef's tasting, classes, Cult Cuisine, Daniel Walker, Diets are stupid, Eat This Now!, Food Porn, Good Morning, Good Service, hold on to your effin hat, I Hate it When That Happens, I Went to College for This?, I'm a sucker for a man in flannel, I'm about to get fired, It's just lunch, Keep Dallas Douchey!, make mine a double, Meat, Merguez Sausage Hunt, Musical Press Releases, Newfangled condiments, Nostalgia, party, pop-up restaurant, Procrastination is part of the creative process, questionable behavior, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, Really?, Rewritten Press Releases, sassy pants, Scoops, Second coming, Sexy food, Sing Along Press Releases, Slow News Day, Snacks, somebody help this poor girl out, Things To Do, who'd a thought? | 13 Comments »

Oh yeah, it's for real.

We’re suckers for any press release that contains the following sentences:

  • Yes, this is really real.
  • Don’t you judge us; we all knew it would end up here someday.
  • And yeah, your right we probably did go too far this time.
  • Sorry, Mom.

It seems a couple well-intentioned entrepreneurs have teamed up with J&D’s Foods to create a little something they’re calling baconlube—the world’s first bacon-flavored, water-based, American-made, personal lubricant.

Billing itself as the “gold standard of meat-flavored massage oils” (natch) baconlube, they say, is like the McRib of sex: it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time, and is in short supply.

If you’re thinking “stocking stuffer!” (let’s stay on track here), we’re right behind you. But the boys only made 3,000 bottles of this pork-flavored nectar. It hit the interwebs yesterday at www.baconlube.com. How much, you ask, for a product that promises such a satisfying holiday season? Only $11.99.

you know you want more. jump for it… Continue reading "This Little Piggy Went Downtown"

13 Comments »

Tonight is Industry Night, Celebrity Chef Pizzaiolo at Cane Rosso

posted by Nancy Nichols | November 7th, 2011 3:55pm | filed under Bring it!, Celebrity Chefs, Contests, Cult Cuisine, pizza, Really stupid joke | 11 Comments »

Monday nights, from 6–10pPM, Cane Rosso will host a Celebrity Chef Pizzaiolo who will make a special pie to sell for $16. So far the completion is scheduled through Dec. 19.  The celebrity pizzaiolo who sells the most pies on their night will win the coveted Cane Rosso Golden Peel and Trophy. Portion of the proceeds from the pie benefit Deep Ellum Urban Gardens. Food and drink specials for industry staff.

Schedule thus far (with more to be announced)….

11/7 – Brian Luscher from the Grape

11/14 – Chad Houser and Janice Provost from Parigi

11/21 – Randall Copeland from Restaurant Ava and soon to open, Left Bank

11/28 – Jack Perkins from Maple & Motor

12/5 – John Tesar from The Commissary

12/12 – Dean Fearing from Fearing’s

12/19 – Daniel Vaughn from Full Custom Gospel BBQ

12/20- Nancy Nichols and Leslie Brenner

Jump

Continue reading "Tonight is Industry Night, Celebrity Chef Pizzaiolo at Cane Rosso"

11 Comments »

The Search for the Manliest Restaurant in America Begins in Dallas

posted by Nancy Nichols | September 1st, 2011 10:30am | filed under breastaurants, Copy/Paste Press Release, Really stupid joke, Really?, Rewritten Press Releases, RudeDudes, Slow News Day | 1 Comment »

Men’s Health, the magazine I refer to as Abs! Abs!Abs! just launched a “Manliest Restaurant in America” contest. There are 45 restaurants on the list and two of them are from Dallas. Read all about it:

Maple & Motors and Bob’s Steakhouse are included among our 45 nominated restaurants in nine regions across the country. I thought you might want to encourage your readers to visit  and vote for their favorite Southwest restaurant.

M&M is nominated cuz:  “Packs of guys and families alike gather inside a nondescript little building in Dallas so short and squat it looks like it has a flat-top haircut, kicking it to the jukebox and chomping thick jalapeno-cheddar burgers and brisket sandwiches.” And Bob’s?: “It’s a classic steak joint where rich men with outsized egos feast upon hunks of prime beef with beautiful women of almost unfair proportions. It’s Texas, in every sense of the word.”

Well, down here we all know “rich men with outsized egos” is redundant.  And “packs of guys”? The collective noun I would have chosen would have been “a rout of guys.” Why? Because the dudes at M & M tend to howl. So is it not “manly” to eat at a breastaurant? I’m so confused.

1 Comment »

Dough Pizzeria Napoletana in Dallas is Open. Softly Open.

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 13th, 2011 12:01pm | filed under Merguez Sausage Hunt, Openings/Closings, pizza, Really stupid joke, Really?, Restaurant News | 8 Comments »

According to their Facebook page the most anticipated restaurant in Dallas since, I don’t know maybe Lucia, opened softly this morning. Now, can we all get back to obsessing over another new place? Owners name is Doug H. Get it.

8 Comments »

John Tesar Milks a Cow and Wins $10,000 on Extreme Chef

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 5th, 2011 2:48pm | filed under Awards, Breakfast, Celebrity Chefs, Contests, Cooking, cookoff, Food Crime, Food Fight!, Food On TV, Hippie revolutions, I Went to College for This?, Nature Break, Nutjobs, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, SideDish Bump!, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Slow News Day, What The Pho?, Yum is Dumb | 11 Comments »

Chef John Tesar sheds his doucheyness and becomes Extreme Chef winner. He can run 10 miles and cook in a corn field.

Last night John Tesar played a 53-year old geezer chef on a thrilling episode of Food Network’s Extreme Chef. He faced two younger chefs: Joe, a douchey New York dude who was once a private chef for Donald Trump; and Greg, a Portland chef who couldn’t cut it in medical school so he quit and went to the CIA.

Tesar was confident from the start. “I run 10 miles a day,” Tesar gloated. After that, he works all day and night. The competition took place on a 60-acre farm in Malibu Canyon and the premise had the chefs running all over the place to source ingredients.

HEARTY BREAKFAST was the segment. To obtain eggs, the chefs had to conquer a “crop-stical course” made of bales of hay formed into various tunnels and towers. Tesar, a virtual Jack LaLane, was first to the eggs (he picked duck!) and he won the first competition soundly with his ginger and duck egg French toast. (I think there was a fruit salad and some whiskey involved, but I can’t read my notes, and I refuse to rerun the show.) It only matters that when the Simon Cowell wannabe (and lookalike) host announced Tesar as the winner, Tesar took a modest Zen-like bow. Tesar is now the master of “the unconventional use of an egg.”

No, it’s not over. There are still 45 minutes left in the show. Here we go.

Continue reading "John Tesar Milks a Cow and Wins $10,000 on Extreme Chef"

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Sacred Cellars is Closed. Sacred Cigars is Open.

posted by Nancy Nichols | June 28th, 2011 1:10pm | filed under Buzz Killer!, Cult Cuisine, hostess gifts, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, Slow News Day, Wine & Spirits | 8 Comments »

Where to find sacred cigars in Snider Plaza.

Silly me, I just noticed Sacred Cellars is no longer a cellar. I contacted owner Rudy Ced and asked him what was happening. He said:

I stopped ordering wine for my inventory around Oct 2010. In Nov 2010 I opened Sacred Cigars inside Snider Plaza. I sold all my wine in order to fund this new venture. Wine was fun and enjoyable, but extremely difficult to make any money at. Cigars are a better business model, more fun and I have a better location and more capacity to grow business wise.

Well said, Ced.

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