The Avner Samuel; The Bailey. En fuego.

Whirling dervish chef Avner Samuel and his sidekick chef Jon Stevens are ready to open Snack, their “street-food-inspired-low price-points-small-plates-daily-chalkboard-special restaurant on Henderson in the space formerly known as Horne & Dekker. (Whew!) There will be three bar areas: one with cocktails, wine and beer; the second is a raw bar, but also includes a charcuterie element and hot small plates; the third, features a large wood-burning oven for made-to-order flatbreads and distinct hot dishes. (Whew!) Listen up:

From the age-old market-squares and bazaars to today’s street food vendors, SNACK is the creation of a street-to-table inspired menu. The menu includes dinner items such as short rib tacos with pineapple habanero and cilantro crema ($8), pork shumai dumplings ($9), chicken shawarmas with cucumber tahini and pickled onion ($8), and smoked oysters escabeche served with wood oven toasted bread ($7).  The brunch menu features items from a pan-fried egg sandwich with Serrano ham and avocado ($13), to a charcuterie flatbread with pan-fried egg, arugula and herbs ($14); and “street tacos” a la carte with a small assortment of sweeter entrees, like coconut griddle cakes ($11), to choose from.

Bizarre is right! Let’s see, Samuel-Stevens now oversee two locations of Nosh Euro Bistro, Snack, the transition of Bailey’s Prime Plus from steak joint to a chef-driven kitchen, and the addition of the lavish Aurora Room to BPP.  My guess is Samuel and Stevens already have their paws on the menu at The Chesterfield. What? You hear there will be more Nosh Euro Bistros if this relationship lasts? Oh, glorious Dallas dining. Are you coming back to life or going crazy?

UPDATE: Snack will have it’s own valet parking.

BAILEY’S PRIME PLUS SHOWCASES NEW MENU ITEMS FROM

LOCAL CELEBRITY CHEFS AVNER SAMUEL AND JON STEVENS

New Menu Launches at Park Lane Location on May 10th

DALLAS, TX (May 3, 2012) – Bailey’s Prime Plus is proud to announce that the new menu, created by Avner Samuel and Jon Stevens, will launch on May 10th at The Shops at Park Lane location.  Guests will be able to experience a new chef-driven menu that also features signature prime steaks.  Sample menu items include:

Appetizers

Beef Carpaccio shaved pecorino, arugula & dijon-creme fraiche

Jonah Crab & Artichoke Fritters caper & pine nut aioli

Maine Lobster “Parfait” crushed avocado, tomato confit & caviar vinaigrette

Grilled Lamb Merguez Sausage charmoula, tomato confit & black olives

Salads

Roasted Red & Yellow Beets fennel, oranges, candied pecans, goat cheese & arugula

Baby Iceberg Wedges creamy blue, red grape tomatoes, croutons & red onion

Heirloom Tomatoes & Bococinno basil oil & balsamic reduction

Entrees

Roasted Alaskan Halibut cauliflower puree, spring vegetables & mandarin sauce

Herb Roasted Free Range Chicken creamy polenta, “Panzanella” salad & sherry gastrique

Bailey’s Half Pound Wagyu Burger two cheddars, full set & fries

Bailey’s Prime Cuts

Bailey’s features prime steaks and chops including a 6 and 10 oz. Beef Tenderloin, 18 oz. Kansas City Strip and 22 oz. Bone In Ribeye.

Guests will be able to order from the full menu which contains starters like the Pork Belly Stuffed Jalapenos with Honey-Bourbon Shiner Bock Glaze, Roasted Garlic Goat Cheese Fritters, or a Scotch Egg; Sandwiches like The Loaf (meatloaf with pickled shallots and Muenster cheese on a Ciabatta bun), or the Pig Press (smoked ham w/pork belly, sweet pickles, and Swiss cheese), or a “Traditionally Awesome” Turkey Club. In addition to the food, visitors to Spread Eagle Saloon can order from the distinct beer menu which features over 40 varieties of traditional American, Overseas, and American Craft Beers, all served cold in the can. A popular recent trend in craft brewing, canning provides for a fresh product uncontaminated by light and loss of carbonation and is environmentally friendly by means of recycling and lesser shipping weight.

Spread Eagle Saloon is owned and operated by Dallas native and SMU grad Scott Scripps. Scripps is a downtown resident as well and so is invested both personally and financially in the success of Dallas’ core neighborhood.

As for the name? Well, let’s just say there may have been some drinks involved.

Restaurant hours run from 4pm-2am on Monday through Sunday; kitchen closes at 11pm. Lunch and day-time hours will be added in mid-March.

The world is going pig-crazy.

On Friday, I heard that Jack in the Box was offering a very limited number of bacon milkshakes as a secret menu item. Did anyone get a chance to try one? I almost dropped everything to go search for one, but then I remembered my sanity. Now I’m lying deep in the trenches of regret.

Teresa “Gubbshoe” Gubbins and Mike “Whole In One” Hiller tied in a race to be the first to report the closing of Horne & Dekker. Gubbshoe coaxed a quote from owner Flynn Dekker. However, Hiller has some bitchin’ discounts on laundry detergent you can download from escapehatchdallas.com.

Leslie “LaLa” Brenner ran the inside track and clearly beat the field on this announcement: Michael Sindoni, formerly of AGAINN restaurant in Washington DC, has taken the reigns as The Joule hotel’s Executive Chef and will be responsible for overseeing all food & beverage for the hotel including private banquets, room service, and the new Charlie Palmer food hall which is part of the hotel’s 2012 expansion. The restaurant will close for a short while and emerge as Charlie Palmer Steak which will be overseen by executive sous chef Joel Harrington. “LaLa” also admits she has a mild eating disorder when it comes to bread crumbs: “I am a sucker for bread crumbs,” she writes. “And they seem to be very much in the air these days. Or in the kitchen, anyway.”  And I thought it was ragweed! (SideThought: Who thought the name AGAINN was a good idea?) Moving on.

EaterDallas needs a boost to their self esteem. This morning they use today’s warm weather forecast as a clever lead into the riveting announcement of Eater Hottest Chef Competition. Then they bash themselves over the head for doing so: “…while we’ve never been great at weather metaphors we are about to get real good at giving you some eye candy. Who is the hottest?” I think the metaphor worked beautifully. After all, it is as hot as Dean Fearing outside at this very moment and the forecast says late afternoon temperatures will be as cool as Matt McCallister. Good work, Merritt!

The 8^th Annual Savor Dallas is almost here! March 30-31 to be exact. Cue the press release quote from Jim “Red” White:  “We are excited to see Savor Dallas grow from its downtown Dallas base to include new events in Bishop Arts and Las Colinas.” says Jim White, Savor Dallas co-founder along with his wife Vicki Briley-White. “We’ve added a cool concert at the Kessler Theater, and created some great cooking and tasting opportunities that will benefit local food and wine groups like Les Dames d’Escoffier.” The White’s and company have lined up some big names in the business and have 400 premium wines to pour. It’s all here. Or call 888-728-6747.

I posted a piece over on FrontBurner earlier today about the contribution of Frito Pie, and its forbears, to the history of Western civilization.

So, of course, a reader decided to share with me the above photo of her brother’s Frito Pie Pizza. She writes:

I know it’s a Boboli crust and then I assume Frito pie ingredients.  I haven’t had it but he says it’s amazing.

My brothers and sisters, we are truly living in an age of decadence.

Chicken pot pie at Lady & Sons in 2008. One serving could feed a family of four.

In August 2008, I traveled to Savannah, Georgia where I dined at Paula Deen’s restaurant Lady & Sons. We ran a post titled “Paula Deen Wants to Kill You.” I wrote:

I can still smell the rancid butter that hit us in the face when we walked in the door. I’ve got to find the pictures I took of the food I ate–everything was dripping in butter. I remember the chicken pot pie was big enough for four and almost everything was fried. OK, she admits she’s “not your cardiologist,” but she really is contributing to the delinquency of dieters. The night we went, at least 75 per cent of the diners were beyond overweight–they were obese. It was sad–like people watching at the slots in Vegas–everyone was gambling with their lives.

Last week Paula Deen confirmed the rumor: she has Type 2 diabetes. I wonder how many of her dedicated fans also suffer from Type 2? This really chaps my sass because two members of my family didn’t have a choice: they both were diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes when they were young. They have to continually monitor their diet and control their blood sugar. However, Ms. Deen, and other people who put on blinders and continue to fill their body with fat and sugar, had an option. Like not eating a burger made with Krispy Kreme donuts. It’s now rumored that Deen may become the spokesperson for Novartis, a company with a drug designed to treat diabetes. If she personally profits from developing Type 2 diabetes (Hey yáll, I’m your endocrinologist!), I’m going to go berserk. I can already see the talk show circuit lighting up. It makes me sick.

I admit I was extremely uncomfortable. Not because he was religious and blessed his every meal and minute on earth, but, and I don’t know how to put this gently, because I felt he was imposing his beliefs on me. Now don’t go all crazy on me, I am being honest. Looking back at it, I realize it wasn’t that big of a deal. However, I would like to hear what you think about this situation. Should he have asked me if I would have liked to join in prayer or was it “fair” that he grabbed my hand and assumed it was okay?

I love Boxing Day, the first business day after Christmas. All of Ontario closes and we sit on the chesterfield and chow down on donuts, beer, macaroni and cheese, and watch hockey. The NHL pretty much owns Canada on Boxing Day now. They have TEN GAMES scheduled. My friend’s mum puts out (uhoot) a hellofa buffet (boo-fay). And k.d. lang always sends me a fruit cake. Go Leafs! (Q: Why don’t the Leafs drink tea? A: Because the Canadiens have all the cups.) And hello Peterborough!

My Astro-Weenie Christmas Tree contribution to D Magazine's holiday party.Circa 2008.

Three years ago, I introduced you to Charles Phoenix, the “Ambassador of Americana.” More importantly, I introduced you to his “recipe” for the Astro-Weenie Christmas Tree. (I made several for the D Magazine holiday party in 2008.  Co-workers still stalk me for my secret herbal ingredient.)

Well, thanks to SideDish, Phoenix’s  career and has catapulted over hosting grade school field trips and roller skating parties to doing national TV spots with Martha Stewart and commenting on NPR. (Rawlins in drag?) I think it’s time to bring back the Astro-Weenie recipe. Remember, as they say in England, you can always make one suitable for vegetarians. Mind your head.

Oh yeah, it's for real.

We’re suckers for any press release that contains the following sentences:

• Yes, this is really real.
• Don’t you judge us; we all knew it would end up here someday.
• And yeah, your right we probably did go too far this time.
• Sorry, Mom.

It seems a couple well-intentioned entrepreneurs have teamed up with J&D’s Foods to create a little something they’re calling baconlube—the world’s first bacon-flavored, water-based, American-made, personal lubricant.

Billing itself as the “gold standard of meat-flavored massage oils” (natch) baconlube, they say, is like the McRib of sex: it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time, and is in short supply.

If you’re thinking “stocking stuffer!” (let’s stay on track here), we’re right behind you. But the boys only made 3,000 bottles of this pork-flavored nectar. It hit the interwebs yesterday at www.baconlube.com. How much, you ask, for a product that promises such a satisfying holiday season? Only $11.99.

you know you want more. jump for it…Still on the fence? Here’s a little rationalization.

FACT – People are passionate about bacon.  According to a recent survey of Canadians by Maple Leaf Foods, Canada’s market leader in the bacon category, when asked to choose between bacon and sex, more than four in 10 (43%) chose bacon.  Thanks to baconlube, Canadians will never have to choose between two of life’s greatest pleasures again.  So you’re welcome Canada, you’re welcome – we’ve got your back.

Need I mention, we’ve requested a sample?

Good wines gone bad.

Forgive me Master Sommeliers and wine collectors around the world, I have sinned. I am here to confess my deepest darkest wine secret: I improperly stored four bottles of fabulous wine. For nearly 35 years.

Look at the photos and weep with (for?) me. I recently uncovered these bottles in a box buried beneath a pile of old Christmas decorations in my garage. Yes, my garage, where it sat for close to 35 summers, winters, springs, and falls. I am a human species of Phylloxera.

I could have pulled another Billionaire’s Vinegar and called Sotheby’s and claimed the wine was given to me by Richard Nixon and I’ve kept it hidden in a bricked-up Paris cellar. Instead I’m posting pictures of my crime. Perhaps there are others who have committed the same dirty deed.

Full confession below.

Yes, $19.79 before my employee discount.

Self portrait.

I used to collect wine, especially French wine. Specifically those of Bordeaux. I worked at a wine bar in Dallas called La Cave and spent my off time learning about French wine. My former boss, François Chandou, still runs La Cave Warehouse.  He is my witness. I bought hundreds of bottles of French Bordeaux. I wore a laminated vintage chart around my neck and scoured wine shops and wine lists looking for the best.

Eventually, I drank it all. Well, except for these four bottles. Is there anything I can do? Do I even attempt to drink them? (Does anyone want to buy them?)

I would like to take this moment to apologize to Bacchus, Dionysos, the early colonists of Southern Gaul, the concept of terroir, Baron Philippe de Rothschild (and subsequent Barons), James Tidwell, and Drew Hendricks. My deepest regrets to the chateaus: Latour, Mouton-Rothchild, Margaux (oh, sweet Margaux), Haut-Brion, Petrus, Pomerol, St. Emilion, and d’Yquem. Sorrows to you dear Cabernet Savignon, Merlot, and Cab Franc grapes. You gave your lives only to sit in a bottle in a box underneath a pile of old Christmas decorations in my garage. I am unworthy of your grace.

There is about a half inch of sediment in the neck of this bottle.

Sorry lion-guarded fortresses of France.

This wine was my first true love. We sold it for $4 a glass at La Cave. At one point I owned two cases.

Heinous. Painful. Wrong.