Articles about Newfangled condiments

This Little Piggy Went Downtown

posted by Sarah Reiss | November 15th, 2011 12:34pm | filed under Bacon, BBQ, Bring it!, cheap eats, Cheap trick for comments, Chef's tasting, classes, Cult Cuisine, Daniel Walker, Diets are stupid, Eat This Now!, Food Porn, Good Morning, Good Service, hold on to your effin hat, I Hate it When That Happens, I Went to College for This?, I'm a sucker for a man in flannel, I'm about to get fired, It's just lunch, Keep Dallas Douchey!, make mine a double, Meat, Merguez Sausage Hunt, Musical Press Releases, Newfangled condiments, Nostalgia, party, pop-up restaurant, Procrastination is part of the creative process, questionable behavior, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, Really?, Rewritten Press Releases, sassy pants, Scoops, Second coming, Sexy food, Sing Along Press Releases, Slow News Day, Snacks, somebody help this poor girl out, Things To Do, who'd a thought? | 13 Comments »

Oh yeah, it's for real.

We’re suckers for any press release that contains the following sentences:

  • Yes, this is really real.
  • Don’t you judge us; we all knew it would end up here someday.
  • And yeah, your right we probably did go too far this time.
  • Sorry, Mom.

It seems a couple well-intentioned entrepreneurs have teamed up with J&D’s Foods to create a little something they’re calling baconlube—the world’s first bacon-flavored, water-based, American-made, personal lubricant.

Billing itself as the “gold standard of meat-flavored massage oils” (natch) baconlube, they say, is like the McRib of sex: it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time, and is in short supply.

If you’re thinking “stocking stuffer!” (let’s stay on track here), we’re right behind you. But the boys only made 3,000 bottles of this pork-flavored nectar. It hit the interwebs yesterday at www.baconlube.com. How much, you ask, for a product that promises such a satisfying holiday season? Only $11.99.

you know you want more. jump for it… Continue reading "This Little Piggy Went Downtown"

13 Comments »

Fun or Foul: Alcohol Infused Whipped Cream

posted by Nancy Nichols | September 13th, 2011 1:55pm | filed under Buzz Killer!, cheap eats, Crazy Technology, dessert, Groceries, hostess gifts, I Went to College for This?, Junk Food, make mine a double, Newfangled condiments, Really?, sassy pants, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Slow News Day, Stupid terms for food, that's just wrong., Wasted Calorie, Yum is Dumb | 9 Comments »

I have no words.

UPPITY DATE: This link from a adult beverage wholesaler.

9 Comments »

What Would Happen if Women Opened Restaurants With Male Body Parts as Themes

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 23rd, 2011 2:12pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Best Gay Hangout Restaurant Evah!, breastaurants, Bring it!, Cheap trick for comments, ChirpyChirpy, cupcakes, Dog Friendly, Drinking, Goats!, Hole in the wall, hostess gifts, I Went to College for This?, I'm about to get fired, Keep Dallas Douchey!, Merguez Sausage Hunt, Murmur, Newfangled condiments, Not-so-skinny bitches, Nutjobs, Overprivileged chimps, Procrastination is part of the creative process, questionable judgment, Rants, restaurant business news, RudeDudes, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Slow News Day, Spicy foods, youthful spontaneous restaurants, Yum is Dumb | 53 Comments »

‘Scuse me while I saddle up my high horse. Am I the only woman who is concerned about the sudden surge in Breastaurants. I mean really 35 additional Twin Peaks? A bar opening in downtown called The Spread Eagle? Seriously boys? How would you like to take your daughter into one of the restaurant’s the gals in our office just conceptualized. We call them Peteries.

Hunky Town, Twin Pricks, Tooter’s, Pecker’s Hot Italian Sausage, Tube Steak Junction, Cake Balls to the Walls, Nuts and Butts, Quickies, Long Dong Silver, Tally Whacker’s, Love Mussels, Wee Willie’s, Twig and Berries.

Ladies, the floor is open.

53 Comments »

Attack of the Heart Attack Grill in Dallas

posted by Nancy Nichols | February 24th, 2011 9:48am | filed under Burgers, Newfangled condiments, Nutjobs, Openings/Closings, Restaurant News, Silly Reasons to Celebrate | 15 Comments »

If you look like this, you can sling burgers to 350-pound men. Or work at D Magazine.

Ladies and gentlemen, and I use the terms loosely, it is officially raining burgers in Dallas. The latest twist on ground beef between two buns is Heart Attack Grill from Phoenix. I would have thought yesterday’s press release a joke if I hadn’t passed the original location in Phoenix a couple of years ago.

Their motto? “Treating anorexia since 2005.” Their objective? “Always keeping the patient’s budget in mind, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that all your meals are absolutely free once you reach the 350 pound goal weight. Imagine the joy of knowing you’ve finally achieved something!” Their sales pitch? “Doctors agree that continually cycling body weight up and down is one of the very worst things a person can do to themselves. That’s why our program is focused upon keeping your weight in an extremely stable, gradual, and constant upward slope.”

Whatever. You won’t have to wait long to be served a Quadruple Bypass Burger®, an order of Flatliner Fries®, a Butterfat Shake®, and a Taste Worth Dying For®–they are opening a location on Market Street in Dallas in June.

Looking for a job? “Imagine earning a great salary while giving away free food to people who weigh over 350 pounds!”

I have a sense of humor but this kinda makes me sick. Check out their website and give me your opinion. Have they gone too far or am I officially a fuddy duddy?

15 Comments »

Dallas Chef Pal Steven Doyle Quits Dallas Observer

posted by Nancy Nichols | October 15th, 2010 5:00pm | filed under Celebrity Diners, Chef's tasting, Christmas, cocktails, Food Porn, Foodie People, Go Rangers!, Grilling, Groceries, Hippie revolutions, Newfangled condiments, Nutjobs, Pub Concepts, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Skinny bitches | 8 Comments »

Steven “Dallas Dude” Doyle stunned the foodie world today by posting this shocking news on his FB page:

I resigned from The Dallas Observer and now full time at the Critic’s Guide that will premiere Monday morning.

The Critic’s Guide is the brainchild of Dave Faries, another dude who quit the Observer. Faries and Doyle will be joined by Mark Stuertz, yet another dude who quit the Observer. Why didn’t Dave just call it Food By Dudes? Critic’s Guide debuts  on Monday. I  FREAKIN’ CAN’T WAIT.

Les deets. Continue reading "Dallas Chef Pal Steven Doyle Quits Dallas Observer"

8 Comments »

Stocking the Cupboard at the State Fair Food & Fiber Pavillion

posted by Sarah Reiss | September 24th, 2010 2:35pm | filed under AgriBusiness, Awards, Events, Gifts, GO TEXAN, Local/Slow Food, Newfangled condiments, Spicy foods, State Fair, Wine & Spirits | 11 Comments »

Disclaimer: Let me preface the following by saying that I was raised by Pennsylvania Dutch parents, which explains a lot about what I’m about to say:

When I was growing up, the list of what my parents “didn’t believe in” (mayonnaise, private cars, food made by strangers, and tuna from a can) was almost as long as the list of what they actively feared (avocados, botulism, spices of all kinds, and activities that attracted more than four people). That being said, both going to the State Fair and eating spicy foods were completely out of the question.  (My only experience of going to a Fair came in 1976 when our elderly neighbors staged a  pity-abduction and took my brother and me in the back of their wood-paneled Travelall.  Sidenote: once we got there, I was both too thrilled and too afraid to eat anything.)

So, imagine the illicit charge I got (as both a food writer and Fair virgin) as I noshed my way through the tastings at last night’s Fair Food sneak peek in the Food & Fiber Pavillion. From this year’s bumper crop of  TX commestibles, three standouts made my list for best bets for stocking the goodie-corner of my pantry.

Continue reading "Stocking the Cupboard at the State Fair Food & Fiber Pavillion"

11 Comments »