Bring it! Let's get this city turned around! (image swiped from ABC)

Dear Mark,

I am addicted to Shark Tank. And because I am too lazy to jump through the hoops to get on the show and present my idea, I’m using the power of my pudgy fingers to reach you. Let’s pick and roll:

I walk on the set of Shark Tank. “Daymond John, you are so out,” I say. “Barbara, if I wanted to sell my cellulite-reducing sous-vide hot dog you’d be my best friend, but I’m keeping it to myself. You’re out.”

I watch the other sharks glance around, really scared at this point, and go for the kill. “Kevin, don’t even open that ugly mouth. You’re out. Robert, you can buy me dinner after the show but, for now, you are dead to me.”

Cameras swing: Close-up of Cuban. Music swells.

Mark. We live in the same city. We love the same teams. More importantly, we eat in the same restaurants. Last night, our city’s finest chef, Bruno Davaillon of the Rosewood Mansion on Turtle Creek, lost Best Chef in the Southwest at the James Beard Awards in New York City to a young chef in Austin who appeared on Top Chef. It has been 18 years since a Dallas chef won this title. We need a local version of Shark Tank geared towards Dallas restaurateurs. That way, you and I can work together to tighten up our game and turn it around. We have the talent, we need the exposure. And that exposure shouldn’t have to come from the Food Network or Bravo.

I propose we put together a panel of experts and ask  restaurateurs to pitch their ideas BEFORE they decide to sink their life savings into an upscale seafood and sushi restaurant in a bad location. Let’s kick the steak house wannabes to Fort Worth. Mark, I’m asking you to invest whatever it takes to help us bring the talent of the Dallas restaurant community to the international scene. In exchange, I offer you fifty percent of my idea. Oh, and you can keep the Mavs.

Looking forward to hearing from you,

Nancy

P.S. If this helps illustrate my talent: I promoted women’s basketball in Dallas before the Mavericks were a thought in your brain. Just ask Nancy Lieberman.

In the spirit of supporting job growth in the United States, I bring you three foods you can eat this weekend that will stimulate gastric juices and the economy. (BTW, yesterday’s frenzy over the GCS overshadowed the fact that is was also National Licorice Day. Bummer for licorice, eh?) Today is National Peach Cobbler Day. I bet there isn’t a fresh peach in the northern hemisphere so you may have to celebrate Del-Monte style. Tomorrow is National Pecan Day! Dig that! And Sunday is National Glazed-Spiral Ham Day, not to be confused with National Baked Ham with Pineapple Day. You already missed that one.

I’m saving my calories for Eat Hot Chocolate Chip Cookies off George Clooney’s Belly Day! What day are you saving your calories for?

Gromer Jeffers Jr

1. Dallas County Judge Clay Jenkins is in the restaurant business. He owns a small stake in Mr. Mesero, an Uptown Mexican spot that opened late last year.

2. Dallas County Commissioner Elba Garcia, Jenkins’ Democratic ally on the commissioners court, also has an ownership stake, along with her husband, former state Rep. Domingo Garcia.

3. Jenkins said he was brought into the deal by Mico Rodriguez, who gave Dallas the popular Mi Cocina restaurants.

Nothing wrong with that. Gromer goes on to quote said judge: “We’ve got the best steak dish in town,” Jenkins boasted.

Whoa, judge! That is quite a ruling. Then Gromer points out: DMN dining diva, Leslie Brenner, gave the joint one star. If I were Gromer or Rodriguez, I would demand a retrial. I don’t know about the steak, but the food I’ve eaten at Mr. Mesero is four-star. Whoops, I don’t do stars. Therefore, I call on a jury of my peers.

I lived in California for 11 years so perhaps I am experiencing the reverse-home-town-food-nostalgia syndrome that affects older people because when I returned from vacation last week, I drove straight to In-N-Out and devoured a DDAS (double-double animal style) like a rabid coyote. EVERYBODY knows you order the fries crispy at INO. Everybody but Andrew.

Anywhoo, where do you go when you re-enter your life in Dallas?

Big Cheeses: Evan Grant, Jay Jerrier, Eric Nadel.

Tuesday night, pizza lover and baseball writer, Evan Grant, and pizza maker and baseball lover, Jay Jerrier held the finals of the “Name a Pizza for Mike Napoli” contest at Cane Rosso. Four of the five finalists showed up to sample their until-then-never-tasted pizza recipes. Jerrier went to great lengths to make the pies. “We don’t make an Alfredo sauce, so I had to create one for Jason Joseph’s “Angel Tears” entry,” Jerrier said.

I slinked in at the end of the evening to try the pies and I’ve got to hand it to all who were picked in the finals. It was a tough decision. My favorite was Doug Fusella’s “The Cane Rosso Napoli Experience” with Jimmy’s sausage, meatballs, sopressata, spinach, and jalapenos. But Grant and Jerrier picked Joseph’s “Angel Tears,” a pie of Italian sausage, salami, sweet onion, jalapenos, roasted garlic, spinach, Roma tomatoes, and mozzarella dusted with Romano. Jump for all of the recipes and the rationale behind the ingredients below. AND PHOTOS!

Winner Jason Joseph and finalist Doug Fusella. Photo by Jason Acton.

Angel Tears

WINNER!!! Created by: Jason Joseph

Alfredo Sauce (It’s the best sauce.)
Italian Sausage (Hmmm)
Salami (For a Nappy Grand Salami)
Sweet Onion (For the sweet sweet tears of the Angels)
Jalapenos (For the Texas heat)
Roasted Garlic (To ward off injury)
Spinach (For a Napoli power up)
Roma tomatoes
Mozzarella
Dusted with Romano

Angel Tears (left) and Take it Like a Napoli Pie (right) pictured with Eric Nadel.

Take It Like a Napoli Pie

Created by: Camille Broadway

A savory pizza in honor of Napoli’s post-season plate collisions with Sean Rodriguez and Miguel Cabrera.

Tomato Sauce (for Napoli’s willingness to get crushed in the line of duty)
Hot Soppresata, Prosciutto Cotto and Jimmy’s Hot Sausage (three meats representing the collision of three substantive men. The ham is also a nod to the Cuban sandwich in South Florida where Rodriguez/Napoli grew up and to Tampa where the first collision occurred and where Italian salami often gets added to Cuban sandwiches.)
Olives – a light sprinkling (representing that plug of tobacco that Napoli is still looking for after the Tampa collision)
Mozzarella di Bufala (a water buffalo cheese because I’m pretty sure Cabrera is the size of a small water buffalo)

The Cane Rosso Napoli Experience

Created by: Doug Fusella

Gotta be meaty, Nap’s a big boy

Jimmy’s sausage (for the Nap-Nap, um, Winner)
Sliced Meatballs (he is a catcher, has to have …)
Hot Sopressata (that stuff rocks, and Italians need spice)
Spinach (for the strength of the Nap)
Sliced Jalapenos (this is Texas, gotta be hot)

The defining aspect of the Napoli Pie, its missing a quarter, since Mike is a Heat Fan, we know they can only handle the first three quarters.

Max, Jamey, and Erica Newberg with their Napoli Ever After Pie.

Napoli Ever After

Created by Jamey Newberg

Jimmy’s Sausage (commemorating Napoli’s game-tying, two-run single off TB’s James Shields in Game Two of the 2011 ALDS)
Prosciutto Cotto (in honor of journeyman outfielder Henry Cotto, whose home run total in 10 big league seasons was about one-third of Napoli’s total in just six seasons)
Soppressata (because it just sounds bad-ass)
Calabrian chiles (the “No Pepper” rule in baseball does not apply)
Artichokes (“R.T. Chokes” – Napoli went 4 for 5 in 2011 off Angels righthander Rich Thompson, his old teammate . . . with two doubles and a home run among his four hits)
Burrata (fresh Italian cheese – Napoli’s throws to second base)
Sea Salt (short for “See ya, Salty,” as Napoli cured the Rangers’ situation at catcher)

And Evan Grant’s unofficial entry:

The Grand Salami

Start with traditional Cane Rosso sauce and cheese mix, then add:
Chopped fresh basil (It’s got three meanings on this pizza. To represent the green of the field, the green Napoli is going to earn this season and the green of the Italian flag).
Hot Soppresata (t’s the red in the Italian flag, and the spicy salami in this big pie).
Crumbled Jimmy’s Sausage (It’s the dirt for “The Dirtbag.”)
A small thin ring of smoked provolone (It’s the white of the Italian flag and also it could represent all those teams who Napoli, well, smoked last year)
A very slight dusting of crushed sunflower seeds (Well, that’s the magic dust that Ron Washington seems to sprinkle on every former Angel that comes through here to get huge results and it’s a tribute the togetherness of the 2011 team)

The world is going pig-crazy.

On Friday, I heard that Jack in the Box was offering a very limited number of bacon milkshakes as a secret menu item. Did anyone get a chance to try one? I almost dropped everything to go search for one, but then I remembered my sanity. Now I’m lying deep in the trenches of regret.

But hark! This morning comes word from the corporate world of Denny’s: They’re produced a video spoof dubbed “Skillet Whisperer” for Funny or Die. The company’s original intent was to find “someone energetic and who would connect with English-speaking Latinos but also the Spanish-preferred Latinos.” Instead they have produced a bilingual “commercial” funnier than any you’ll see on the Super Bowl. More importantly, it makes this middle-aged WASP want to try a skillet at Denny’s.

Teresa “Gubbshoe” Gubbins and Mike “Whole In One” Hiller tied in a race to be the first to report the closing of Horne & Dekker. Gubbshoe coaxed a quote from owner Flynn Dekker. However, Hiller has some bitchin’ discounts on laundry detergent you can download from escapehatchdallas.com.

Leslie “LaLa” Brenner ran the inside track and clearly beat the field on this announcement: Michael Sindoni, formerly of AGAINN restaurant in Washington DC, has taken the reigns as The Joule hotel’s Executive Chef and will be responsible for overseeing all food & beverage for the hotel including private banquets, room service, and the new Charlie Palmer food hall which is part of the hotel’s 2012 expansion. The restaurant will close for a short while and emerge as Charlie Palmer Steak which will be overseen by executive sous chef Joel Harrington. “LaLa” also admits she has a mild eating disorder when it comes to bread crumbs: “I am a sucker for bread crumbs,” she writes. “And they seem to be very much in the air these days. Or in the kitchen, anyway.”  And I thought it was ragweed! (SideThought: Who thought the name AGAINN was a good idea?) Moving on.

EaterDallas needs a boost to their self esteem. This morning they use today’s warm weather forecast as a clever lead into the riveting announcement of Eater Hottest Chef Competition. Then they bash themselves over the head for doing so: “…while we’ve never been great at weather metaphors we are about to get real good at giving you some eye candy. Who is the hottest?” I think the metaphor worked beautifully. After all, it is as hot as Dean Fearing outside at this very moment and the forecast says late afternoon temperatures will be as cool as Matt McCallister. Good work, Merritt!

The 8^th Annual Savor Dallas is almost here! March 30-31 to be exact. Cue the press release quote from Jim “Red” White:  “We are excited to see Savor Dallas grow from its downtown Dallas base to include new events in Bishop Arts and Las Colinas.” says Jim White, Savor Dallas co-founder along with his wife Vicki Briley-White. “We’ve added a cool concert at the Kessler Theater, and created some great cooking and tasting opportunities that will benefit local food and wine groups like Les Dames d’Escoffier.” The White’s and company have lined up some big names in the business and have 400 premium wines to pour. It’s all here. Or call 888-728-6747.