This is just wrong.

]]> http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/02/21/this-pookies-donut-is-borderline-offensive/feed/ 6 http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/01/31/frito-pie-pizza-for-super-bowl-sunday-pure-genius-or-an-unholy-abomination/ http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/01/31/frito-pie-pizza-for-super-bowl-sunday-pure-genius-or-an-unholy-abomination/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2012 21:42:46 +0000 Jason Heid http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/?p=35447

I posted a piece over on FrontBurner earlier today about the contribution of Frito Pie, and its forbears, to the history of Western civilization.

So, of course, a reader decided to share with me the above photo of her brother’s Frito Pie Pizza. She writes:

I know it’s a Boboli crust and then I assume Frito pie ingredients.  I haven’t had it but he says it’s amazing.

My brothers and sisters, we are truly living in an age of decadence.

Hey folks, in case you didn’t know, it’s National Cupcake Day! And I don’t know about you, but I haven’t been this excited since National Bacon Day.  If you actually need a reason to go out and stuff yourself full of cake and frosting, now you have one.  And it’s totally un-American to ignore your national holidays.  Buy some cupcakes, you owe it to your country.

Jumpers.

This holiday season, while consumers are running around the malls like credit card carrying zombies, you’ll probably need some extra holiday cheer.  And what’s really tickling my fancy right now is the new holiday flavors at Trailercakes.  Hark, the cupcake angels sing!

So whats on the menu board?  First, the  ”Nog Heaven,” with egg nog infused cake topped with maple cream cheese frosting, crowned with a cute little gingerbread man.  Easily, one of their finest creations yet.  Next, don’t leave without trying the “Better Than Cocoa,” with chocolate cake, marshmallow filling, chocolate cream cheese filling and a marshmallow star…decadent and almost naughty enough to put you on Santa’s other list.  Lastly, the “Frosty” is the perfect replacement for those boring candy canes, white chocolate, peppermint buttercream, and peppermint bark.

Catch them around town or at their Richardson shop, you will never regret that you did.  So what holiday treats are ringing your sleigh bells this year?  Share your secrets!

Trailercakes

740 E. Campbell Rd

Richardson

Every so often, we try to screw around with it.  Deep frying it wasn’t a bad idea.  Various fruit and chocolate creams have crept into that little golden fortress of solitude.  But nothing has compared to that original blend of high fructose corn syrup and partially hydrogenated vegetable oil.  That is, until Mr. Horne (or perhaps Mr. Dekker) decided to take a crack at it.

You may call red velvet a fad, and you would probably not be too far off, but regardless it is winning over the hearts of diners around the country.  Red velvet cupcakes, waffles, whoopie pies, and pancakes have all flooded the ovens of America, so much so that the lowly RV cake seems to be getting lost in the shuffle.  Now Twinkies invade the red velvet world and there seems to be no sign of stopping.

Perhaps it’s the simple nostalgia that won me over, perhaps the joy of being allowed to dunk stuff into milk while having a nice dinner, but I am definitely on Horne and Dekker’s “Team Twinkie.”  Light and airy red velvet cake, slightly spongy, baked fresh, crammed full of housemade cream.  Each order comes paired with a glass of satisfyingly cold milk.  It’s a simple delight, but one that deserves credit in a town apparently “dessert challenged.”

I wish Twinkie the Kid could have lived to see this day, he would have cried joyful tears of creamy filling.  It would have made him so proud to have graduated to an undeniably more sophisticated snack cake.  So get to Horne and Dekker, the patio’s mighty fine, the fried chicken is hot and juicy, the biscuits are among the best in the city, and anything tastes better when chased down by a fat red twinkie.

UPPITY DATE: This link from a adult beverage wholesaler.

Grass does not grow beneath Teresa Gubbins' shoes.

Leave it to Teresa “Gumshoe” Gubbins to find a snitch in Trader Joe’s camp. Since the grocery chain announced they were planning locations in Dallas last May, they have been quite secretive about their locations. According to TG, you can rule out the former location on Greenville Ave. Her Deep Throat coughs up three possible locations: Walnut Hill and Central, Knox Ave., and Fort Worth. All of the details are here.

There was a time when Trader Joe’s was cool and funky and carried stuff you couldn’t find elsewhere, but I think the company is now running on a tired image. In the 70s,  Two Buck Chuck played a significant role in nursing wine drinkers off the Spanada bottle but the last TBC I sampled burned the enamel off my teeth. So, Trader Joe’s? Yes or no? Why?

Revenge is a dish best served cold, so are donuts, apparently.

In the history of time there are a few moments of brilliance that stand out in my mind.  Newton discovers gravity.  Galileo proclaims that the Earth revolves around the Sun.  Einstein develops the theory of relativity.  May I add one more?  James St. Peter decides to put a donut in the freezer.  You always thought the only good donuts were advertised behind a glowing neon “Hot Doughnuts Now” sign.  Well, you were wrong.  Mind, prepare to be blown.

You can’t stop reading now.

Nothing gets me more excited than scouting out the weekly specials conjured up by Mr. St. Peter, AKA the Mad Scientist of Donuts.  James knows no bounds when it comes to concocting this city’s most adventurous pastries.  But in my opinion, perhaps his finest creation yet is the stunningly beautiful “High in the Mountains.”  I drive nearly an hour…at 7 AM…on the weekend… for his donuts, and not once have I ever regretted it.

The “High in the Mountains” takes James’ delicately sweet and slightly sticky glazed donut, sliced in half, filled with creamy strawberry frosting and juicy sliced strawberries, and topped with more strawberry frosting and a drizzle of chocolate.  The entire thing is chilled and served cold.  I don’t really know all the magic that goes on behind closed doors to give this donut its wonderful flavor or textural profile, but the finished product is truly a work of art.  The strawberry and chocolate topping is slightly hardened yet the inside remains soft and smooth.  The donut itself and the strawberries remain incredibly fresh without even a hint of freezer-burn.

Nowadays, everyone is trying to find ways to “beat the heat.” People are really starting to lose their minds out there.  So, before you decide to cook and eat bacon in your car, take a trip back to reality and pick up a piece of real American ingenuity from Hypnotic Donuts.  Keep an eye on their Facebook page to see when this little gem rears its beautiful head again on the menu.  And perhaps, with enough gentle requests to James, we can see it  there a little more often.

Does anyone actually like the taste of a typical hot dog? Isn’t it always about the condiments?

Humiliating Presentation: This poor little lamb flew all the way from New Zealand to have a stick shoved in its leg?

I hate rain-delayed baseball games. Especially those with 11:20PM starting times, torrential rain and hail, and tornado warnings. I like my sleep and I like the Rangers to win.

With a crabby demeanor, I begin today by tossing a rock at what I call “cute food.” I’m talking sliders, $5 cupcakes, cupcakes in a jar, mac and cheese in little iron skillets, cake balls (pops), lamb called lollipops, pickles on top of gourmet burgers, ad nauseum.  These are a few of my least favorite things. Oh, and I’ll add chicken wings because they have no purpose on this earth. Your turn. Go.

According to Tomaso, whose witty reporting on the opening of In-N-Out Burger gave us the phrase “hot on fries,” U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers seized 385 pounds of contraband bologna. (Which is a good name for a band.) Tomaso infers implies “some people who come to the United States from Mexico prefer the flavor of their native bologna to the comparatively bland varieties found in American supermarkets.”

Which begs the question: Do Mexican bologna manufacturers have a secret ingredient we need to know about? Maybe Maple & Motor needs to get the word out on their stellar baloney sandwich. Oh, I have a joke on the edge of my tongue but I can’t type it. Feel free to fill in the blank.

Their motto? “Treating anorexia since 2005.” Their objective? “Always keeping the patient’s budget in mind, you’ll have the comfort of knowing that all your meals are absolutely free once you reach the 350 pound goal weight. Imagine the joy of knowing you’ve finally achieved something!” Their sales pitch? “Doctors agree that continually cycling body weight up and down is one of the very worst things a person can do to themselves. That’s why our program is focused upon keeping your weight in an extremely stable, gradual, and constant upward slope.”

Since I posted the arrival of Heart Attack Grill, the company’s 575-pound spokesman died. He was 29. Funny? Some people think so. Subtle? As a heart attack. Please stay with me here.

Now, let’s talk about In-N-Out Burgers, the burger chain that opened locations in Frisco and Allen yesterday. The founders and the folks behind In-N-Out Burger serve you fresh, albeit high-calorie food too. Their gimmick comes in the form of a secret menu offering double-double (two meats, two cheeses), 4X4 (four meats, four cheeses), high butterfat shakes, and fries covered in cheese. If you eat In-N-Out burgers everyday, you too can reach 350 pounds. But instead of throwing fat in your face, In-N-Out prints Bible scriptures on their packaging. Check the bottom of that soft drink cup and you’ll find Revelation 3:20: “Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.” How many times you knock on that door is up to you. Your last supper could be at either restaurant.

Funny? No. Subtle? Yes, but to some people it is disturbing. I, for one, don’t like religion literally poured down my throat.

I was walking into a Dairy Queen in East Texas one sunny afternoon and the man who was walking out said, “Hello friends. Have you found the love of Jesus this fine day?” I let it pass but my 60-year old gay friend who doubles as an atheist was offended. He made a good point. He said, “What I’d have said to him is ‘hello friend, have you found the pleasure of homosexual sex today?’” His point? Don’t “force” your views on strangers.

All of the customers lined up outside In-Out-Burger yesterday didn’t seem to mind the words of Jesus wrapped around their burgers. However, there are some local folks who are horrified at the opening of Heart Attack Grill and the message is shines toward obese customers. One is Laurel Wright.

Laurel, her husband, and her son were all overweight. They felt there was no hope and they would be fat forever. They avoided going to the doctor and tried gimmicky weight loss programs. Her husband was taking two types of insulin. After Laurel hit size 22 she started to cook and eat healthier. Since then she has dropped 80 pounds, her husband is on half of his diabetes meds, and their son is down three pant sizes. She has her own YouTube library to prove it.

“Obesity is a huge problem. You feel like you have no hope,” Wright said. “I think the message that restaurant [Heart Attack Grill] is giving obese people is disgusting.”

Wright has organized a protest across the street from Heart Attack Grill. She and her band of healthy eaters will gather at 5AM and work in shifts passing out leaflets and fresh fruit. “I want them to know that there is hope,” Wright said. “You don’t have to be encouraged or get praise for weighing 350 pounds.”

Do you want Jesus or a heart attack with those fries? Tell me, I want to know.

WHERE:            All three Neighborhood Services locations

The Original, NHS Tavern, & NHS Bar & Grill

WHEN:              All Day – Hours of operation may vary by location

DETAILS:           Patrons of any Neighborhood Services

TILLAMOOK® WANTS DALLAS TO KNOW… ALL YOU NEED IS LOAF

First-Ever “Loaf Love Tour” Rolls Into Dallas Bringing Tasty Cheddar to Cheese Lovers

WHO:                    , the 101-year-old, farmer-owned brand that has earned a reputation as one of the nation’s premier natural cheese makers.

WHAT:                   Tillamook invites Dallas area residents to join the fun of its first-ever cross-country event, the “Loaf Love Tour”. The Loaf Love Tour will stop at grocery stores, farmers’ markets, neighborhoods and special events to spread the love of Tillamook’s cheddar to consumers. Event attendees will have the chance to learn about Tillamook while sampling their all-natural cheddars made in the Pacific Northwest using only the highest-quality milk from humanely raised cows not treated with the artificial growth hormones.

The Loaf Love Tour consists of a trio of mini-buses that are retrofitted from 1966 Standard VW Microbuses to resemble Baby Loafs of Tillamook cheddar. Overall, the “Loaf Love Tour” will visit 100 cities in 8 different states throughout the Western U.S.

WHEN:                   October 13th – October 21st at various locations throughout Dallas.

WHERE:                  To see the tour’s full & detailed schedule while in Dallas, please visit: LoafLoveTour.com.

Abel Gonzales fries.

Yesterday we dispatched intern Valeria Turturro to the State Fair to cover Dr Pepper’s 125^th anniversary cake competition. She files this report:

Today I got my first taste of the State Fair of Texas. As someone who’s new to Dallas, I’m also new to Big Tex, endless fried food. and everything else that makes the Texas State Fair special. So what better way to break me in to the tradition than witnessing firsthand the frying of a cake.

In celebration of Dr Pepper’s 125^th anniversary a cake competition was held at the fair earlier in the day.  Julie Ray won first place. Abel Gonzales, the deep-fry king known for giving us heart-stopping concoctions like fried butter, was one of the judges for the contest.

Around 2:15 there was a swarm of cameras around Abel’s fried-food booth. I thought to myself, all this for a cake?

Jump for the story.

Abel freezes.

Gonzales took Ray’s winning cake and made it into smaller cake balls. This was a disappointment because I was hoping to see the entire cake (preferably a few layers thick) submerged in a deep fryer. But I guess that would have been impractical.

Because the cake was too light to maintain its shape, Gonzales solidified the cake balls by pouring a little liquid hydrogen nitrogen over them. Once chilled, he rolled them in flour and covered them with pancake batter made with Dr Pepper, sugar, and cinnamon. After a quick swim in the deep fryer, the cake was ready to be eaten with a dollop of whipped cream and a spoonful of Dr Pepper strawberry sauce.

The verdict? It was good, but I’ll stick to non-fried cake. The cake ball was small enough to leave me from feeling overly full after fried-food consumption. And the Dr Pepper in the sauce tied the cake and whipped cream together nicely. And, hey, I feel like there would have been no better way to introduce me to the fair.