I made fresh country gumbo if you want to know what gumbo should taste like, get yourself down here fast. South Louisiana tomatoes are here, fresh goose and chicken eggs too. Radishes and baby mixed color arrots are beginning to po in the garden out back. Fresh shrooms landing this afternoon along with stinging nettles, ramps, fiddlehead ferns and Verpa Morels.What else do I need to say? I done said it, so…

Executive Chef Cris "No H" Vasquez holds a Champion Dog. D.J. Pridemore eats the whole thing. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

I’ve already outlined how the Rangers will win the World Series. I’m now prepared to tell you how to plan your caloric intake when you attend a game. The Yu-Darvish moment of late yesterday took place as the Rangers food service management team—Shawn Mattox, Casey Rapp, Philip Wheatley, execuchef Cris Vazquez—revealed their heavy hitter: The Champion Dog ($26.00 with fries). It’s a 2-foot-long-all-beef hot dog topped with shredded cheese, sauteed onions, and chili. The Champion Dog, also sold as the Boomstick (Hi! Nellie!) in the general concessions area, is meant to satisfy four people. However, I watched an eating competition where D.J. Pridemore, a producer for 105.3-FM The Fan, ate a whole one all by himself. He smoked his opponent, the DMN’s Brandon Formby, who never saw the bun (made by Empire Baking Company) coming. Mr. Formby learned that baseball food, like baseball, is a now game of inches.

So Ranger food fans, here’s is news: Vandergriff Plaza (behind centerfield) has been renovated into a food court with FOUR new restaurants, Ryan’s Express 34, Smokehouse 557, Taqueria, and American Dog. They surround the bronze statute of Nolan Ryan. They’ve also added two smoking hot lounges, the Captain Morgan Club and the Batter’s Eye Club). The Kid’s Zone has been moved indoors (thank you) to the south end of the first floor. And the press box will feature sushi for the Japanese media.

Jump for Food Facts and Fun Pictures For Rangers Fans.

Four new restaurants surround the bronze statue of Nolan Ryan. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

The view from the Batter's Eye Club. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

*The one-pound hot dog is so big it actually has two names. Inside the Captain Morgan Club, it’s the Champion Dog. At concession stands outside Sections 16 and 42, it’s the Boomstick (a nod to outfielder Nelson Cruz).

*The Batter’s Eye Club (pictured above) is where I will be seated when, after winning the World Series in GAME FOUR, I watch the players hoist manager Ron Washington over their heads and pass him around the infield like a rag doll. The enclosed 150-seat (air-conditioned!) party suite sits in dead center field. The previously unused space will generate bazillions of dollars: tickets start at $75 a game but the 6,250-square foot room with theater seats, full-service bar, buffet line, and restrooms will be utilized mainly for groups and rentals. Individual seating will be on a game-by-game basis. The view is spectacular.

The Captain Morgan Club. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

*Captain Morgan Club (pictured above). This will be the place to hang when the Rangers are coasting through a game with an 11-run lead. You can’t see the grass from inside unless you watch it on one of the zillions of TVs scattered around the 9,000-square foot two-story bar/restaurant. As the name implies, there will be rum (home rum? sorry) and whiskey, and any other spirits carried by the Diageo brand. The wine list carries BV Coastal, Louis M. Martini, and Beringer, but I also spied a bottle of Barefoot, a bad hangover waiting to happen. The Captain Morgan Club will serve burgers, salads, sandwiches, barbecue, and the, soon-to-be-world-famous, Champion Dog. It will be open to the public before, during, and after games which will make it easy for you to celebrate a victory post-game Courvoisier VS. If you have the bucks, you can also rent the whole space.

*The Budweiser Bowtie at Vandergriff Plaza is the new name for the old area behind center field where you will find four new outdoor restaurants. The American Dog will feature four types of gourmet hot dogs, sausages, and hot dog sliders. The Smokehouse 557, equipped with a “specially built smoker,” will serve huge beef ribs, chopped beef sandwiches, turkey legs (ugh), and corn on the cob. You can find street tacos at Taqueria where they are also making their own flour tortillas. Chef  Vasquez says he doesn’t use any fat. “Only baking powder, flour, and water,” he said. He handed me a real hot one and I found it rather chewy. Perhaps the texture works for holding food long enough to get back to your seat without leakage, but, like I said, it was a little too elastic for my taste buds. The fillings were nice: plenty of fresh grilled, meats, onions, and peppers. Ryan’s Express 34 is all about Nolan Ryan’s beef. Here you will find four big and strong gourmet burgers such as the Tex-Mex burger where two patties are stuffed with cheese, griddled, topped with jalapenos, onions and pico de gallo, and served on fluffy pieces of Texas Toast.

Available at the Captain Morgan Club: Tuscan pasta, chicken Caesar salad. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

Clockwise from top left: Street tacos and home-made flour tortillas at Taqueria. Jalapeno burger at Ryan's Express 34. Tex-Mex burger on Texas Toast. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

*What about the new Japanese fans and media you ask? I’m glad you asked because I did. Ranger PR czar, Executive Vice President of Communications John Blake, expects 20 members of the Japanese media to travel with the team all season. He also predicts close to 60 will crowd into the press box when Yu Darvish pitches. “I have plenty of specials planned for the press box,” said Chef Vasquez. “We will have a sushi station in the Diamond Club, bento boxes with edamame, a whole California roll, and a seaweed salad at the Grab and Go stand.” He also says he’s experimenting with a hot dog and soba noodles. As the season progresses he will roll out new items geared to Japanese fans and media.

*There you have it. The Rangers have invested over $11.5 million to make you happy and fat. Thanks to the installation of new video boards and a high-tech in-park audio system last year, we should have nothing to bitch about. Unless Yu Darvish chokes.

Turkey leg, corn on the cob, beef ribs, and chopped beef sandwich from Smokehouse 557. (Photography by Micah Nunley)

]]> http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/04/03/the-texas-rangers-will-win-the-world-series-and-the-james-beard-award-for-best-new-restaurants/feed/ 5 http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/03/30/friday-fun-cell-phone-camera-food-porn-video/ http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/2012/03/30/friday-fun-cell-phone-camera-food-porn-video/#comments Fri, 30 Mar 2012 16:31:31 +0000 Nancy Nichols http://sidedish.dmagazine.com/?p=38670 George just sent me this video. It’s hysterical.

Big Cheeses: Evan Grant, Jay Jerrier, Eric Nadel.

Tuesday night, pizza lover and baseball writer, Evan Grant, and pizza maker and baseball lover, Jay Jerrier held the finals of the “Name a Pizza for Mike Napoli” contest at Cane Rosso. Four of the five finalists showed up to sample their until-then-never-tasted pizza recipes. Jerrier went to great lengths to make the pies. “We don’t make an Alfredo sauce, so I had to create one for Jason Joseph’s “Angel Tears” entry,” Jerrier said.

I slinked in at the end of the evening to try the pies and I’ve got to hand it to all who were picked in the finals. It was a tough decision. My favorite was Doug Fusella’s “The Cane Rosso Napoli Experience” with Jimmy’s sausage, meatballs, sopressata, spinach, and jalapenos. But Grant and Jerrier picked Joseph’s “Angel Tears,” a pie of Italian sausage, salami, sweet onion, jalapenos, roasted garlic, spinach, Roma tomatoes, and mozzarella dusted with Romano. Jump for all of the recipes and the rationale behind the ingredients below. AND PHOTOS!

Winner Jason Joseph and finalist Doug Fusella. Photo by Jason Acton.

Angel Tears

WINNER!!! Created by: Jason Joseph

Alfredo Sauce (It’s the best sauce.)
Italian Sausage (Hmmm)
Salami (For a Nappy Grand Salami)
Sweet Onion (For the sweet sweet tears of the Angels)
Jalapenos (For the Texas heat)
Roasted Garlic (To ward off injury)
Spinach (For a Napoli power up)
Roma tomatoes
Mozzarella
Dusted with Romano

Angel Tears (left) and Take it Like a Napoli Pie (right) pictured with Eric Nadel.

Take It Like a Napoli Pie

Created by: Camille Broadway

A savory pizza in honor of Napoli’s post-season plate collisions with Sean Rodriguez and Miguel Cabrera.

Tomato Sauce (for Napoli’s willingness to get crushed in the line of duty)
Hot Soppresata, Prosciutto Cotto and Jimmy’s Hot Sausage (three meats representing the collision of three substantive men. The ham is also a nod to the Cuban sandwich in South Florida where Rodriguez/Napoli grew up and to Tampa where the first collision occurred and where Italian salami often gets added to Cuban sandwiches.)
Olives – a light sprinkling (representing that plug of tobacco that Napoli is still looking for after the Tampa collision)
Mozzarella di Bufala (a water buffalo cheese because I’m pretty sure Cabrera is the size of a small water buffalo)

The Cane Rosso Napoli Experience

Created by: Doug Fusella

Gotta be meaty, Nap’s a big boy

Jimmy’s sausage (for the Nap-Nap, um, Winner)
Sliced Meatballs (he is a catcher, has to have …)
Hot Sopressata (that stuff rocks, and Italians need spice)
Spinach (for the strength of the Nap)
Sliced Jalapenos (this is Texas, gotta be hot)

The defining aspect of the Napoli Pie, its missing a quarter, since Mike is a Heat Fan, we know they can only handle the first three quarters.

Max, Jamey, and Erica Newberg with their Napoli Ever After Pie.

Napoli Ever After

Created by Jamey Newberg

Jimmy’s Sausage (commemorating Napoli’s game-tying, two-run single off TB’s James Shields in Game Two of the 2011 ALDS)
Prosciutto Cotto (in honor of journeyman outfielder Henry Cotto, whose home run total in 10 big league seasons was about one-third of Napoli’s total in just six seasons)
Soppressata (because it just sounds bad-ass)
Calabrian chiles (the “No Pepper” rule in baseball does not apply)
Artichokes (“R.T. Chokes” – Napoli went 4 for 5 in 2011 off Angels righthander Rich Thompson, his old teammate . . . with two doubles and a home run among his four hits)
Burrata (fresh Italian cheese – Napoli’s throws to second base)
Sea Salt (short for “See ya, Salty,” as Napoli cured the Rangers’ situation at catcher)

And Evan Grant’s unofficial entry:

The Grand Salami

Start with traditional Cane Rosso sauce and cheese mix, then add:
Chopped fresh basil (It’s got three meanings on this pizza. To represent the green of the field, the green Napoli is going to earn this season and the green of the Italian flag).
Hot Soppresata (t’s the red in the Italian flag, and the spicy salami in this big pie).
Crumbled Jimmy’s Sausage (It’s the dirt for “The Dirtbag.”)
A small thin ring of smoked provolone (It’s the white of the Italian flag and also it could represent all those teams who Napoli, well, smoked last year)
A very slight dusting of crushed sunflower seeds (Well, that’s the magic dust that Ron Washington seems to sprinkle on every former Angel that comes through here to get huge results and it’s a tribute the togetherness of the 2011 team)

After much consideration, pizza-maker extraordinaire Jay Jerrier and pizza-eater extraordinaire Evan Grant (that’s me), have come up with four finalists for our Name a Napoli Pizza contest.Tuesday (Feb. 7 or tomorrow to most of you), we will roll out some samples of these fine entries for you to taste and, as always, the full Cane Rosso menu will be available. One of these fine recipes will end up as a special pie on the Cane Rosso menu for the next month and one of these neophyte pizza creators will walk away with a nice little prize package. Maybe we can come up with some other surprises, too. So, if you are free come on down. We’d love your input here and at the restaurant. Here are the finalists. Be there at 7PM.

Teresa “Gubbshoe” Gubbins and Mike “Whole In One” Hiller tied in a race to be the first to report the closing of Horne & Dekker. Gubbshoe coaxed a quote from owner Flynn Dekker. However, Hiller has some bitchin’ discounts on laundry detergent you can download from escapehatchdallas.com.

Leslie “LaLa” Brenner ran the inside track and clearly beat the field on this announcement: Michael Sindoni, formerly of AGAINN restaurant in Washington DC, has taken the reigns as The Joule hotel’s Executive Chef and will be responsible for overseeing all food & beverage for the hotel including private banquets, room service, and the new Charlie Palmer food hall which is part of the hotel’s 2012 expansion. The restaurant will close for a short while and emerge as Charlie Palmer Steak which will be overseen by executive sous chef Joel Harrington. “LaLa” also admits she has a mild eating disorder when it comes to bread crumbs: “I am a sucker for bread crumbs,” she writes. “And they seem to be very much in the air these days. Or in the kitchen, anyway.”  And I thought it was ragweed! (SideThought: Who thought the name AGAINN was a good idea?) Moving on.

EaterDallas needs a boost to their self esteem. This morning they use today’s warm weather forecast as a clever lead into the riveting announcement of Eater Hottest Chef Competition. Then they bash themselves over the head for doing so: “…while we’ve never been great at weather metaphors we are about to get real good at giving you some eye candy. Who is the hottest?” I think the metaphor worked beautifully. After all, it is as hot as Dean Fearing outside at this very moment and the forecast says late afternoon temperatures will be as cool as Matt McCallister. Good work, Merritt!

The 8^th Annual Savor Dallas is almost here! March 30-31 to be exact. Cue the press release quote from Jim “Red” White:  “We are excited to see Savor Dallas grow from its downtown Dallas base to include new events in Bishop Arts and Las Colinas.” says Jim White, Savor Dallas co-founder along with his wife Vicki Briley-White. “We’ve added a cool concert at the Kessler Theater, and created some great cooking and tasting opportunities that will benefit local food and wine groups like Les Dames d’Escoffier.” The White’s and company have lined up some big names in the business and have 400 premium wines to pour. It’s all here. Or call 888-728-6747.

My perfectly boiled egg.

As you can tell from the headline, I am deep in the process of procrastinating. While my real job calls for thousands of words about dining, I am convinced it is far more important that I drop what I am supposed to be doing and answer a question sent to me by PR boy toy Jef Tingley. Yes, he spells his name with one “f,” but I will save that analysis for a later procrastination post.

“Jef with one f” asked me how to boil an egg. Don’t laugh. How many times have you had tiny shards of shell pierce the delicate skin beneath your fingernail? I shared my secret with “Jef with one f” by private message on Facebook which made several people curious enough to email and ask (BEG!) for my secret.

You are going to have to jump hard.

How is it that I hold the key to the secret method of boiling an egg? My first job in a kitchen called for me to make 300 deviled eggs every morning for 2 years. Do the freaking math. I have peeled a ****load of eggs in my day. Okay, don’t say I never gave you anything. I’m opening a vein and spilling it now:

Place ROOM TEMPERAURE eggs in lukewarm tap water. Add (a lot) of iodized salt. Bring the water to a boil slowly and allow it to “soft rumble™” (MINE!) for 3 minutes. Turn off the heat. If you are cooking on electric heat soft rumble for 2 minutes and leave the pan on the element.  NOW, and this is critical: how fast they are ready will depend on how many eggs are in the water. If you have a couple dozen, leave them in the water until it is cool. Otherwise, usually 20 minutes will do. BEFORE you proceed to the next step, fish one of the eggs from the water, dry it off, and spin it. YES, SPIN IT on the counter. If it wobbles around like Stephen Doyle at 2AM, it isn’t done. If it twirls around fast and steady like Leslie Brenner when she lived in LA, it’s ready to peel. Pour out the water, NOT THE EGGS YOU NINNY, and refill the pan with cool water. Peel the eggs while they are submerged in water. Sometimes I toss a little ice in there if I find a difficult egg. If your eggs crack while cooking, like me on deadline, you’re totally screwed. Repeat the above process.

Your nubby little fingers can now type me a thank you note.

Now, back to my regularly scheduled work load.

I love Boxing Day, the first business day after Christmas. All of Ontario closes and we sit on the chesterfield and chow down on donuts, beer, macaroni and cheese, and watch hockey. The NHL pretty much owns Canada on Boxing Day now. They have TEN GAMES scheduled. My friend’s mum puts out (uhoot) a hellofa buffet (boo-fay). And k.d. lang always sends me a fruit cake. Go Leafs! (Q: Why don’t the Leafs drink tea? A: Because the Canadiens have all the cups.) And hello Peterborough!

Lisa Garza juggles relationships to get Sissy's Fried Chicken open.

Although La Garza is all about sisterhood (“I am Sissy,” Garza says. “Sissy is southern slang for “sister” and I am developing every aspect.”) there will be no sissy in the kitchen. La G has plucked Jeffery Hobbs and named him “leader of the kitchen.”

Oh, it’s a tangled tale—an episode of As the Restaurant Turns. Here’s the synopsis: Lisa was married to Chef Gilbert Garza. Together they operated Suze Restaurant, the cozy spot on Midway and NW Highway. At some point, Jeffery Hobbs joined the happy couple to work on the kitchen team as chef and partner. Hobbs and Gilbert ran a great restaurant. Lisa concentrated on catering. Lisa was picked as a contestant on Next Food Network Star. The experience was devastating, as most former TV reality participants will admit is generally the case. The Garzas divorced and Lisa retreated for a couple of years. She emerged as a fancy caterer. Found a new guy. Got re-married and is now pregnant with new restaurant.

After eight years at Suze, Hobbs splits to partner with burgeoning bully restaurateur, Jack “Maple & Motor” Perkins. They’re consulting on taco joints. Then La G calls Hobbs and asks him to be the “leader of her kitchen.” According to La G, Gilbert has given his blessing to the deal. See, there can be happy endings. Or beginnings. Stay tuned.

Jennifer Newbold will work under Kent Rathbun.

I love press releases. I live for them. I get maybe 60 a day. Sometimes more. Sometimes they piss me off. Other times they crack me up. In the spirit of fun, I bring you the opening line of : RATHBUN’S BLUE PLATE KITCHEN INTRODUCES CHEF JENNIFER NEWBOLD

“Today Rathbun’s Blue Plate Kitchen introduced Chef Jennifer Newbold, who will work directly under Executive Chef and Partner, Kent Rathbun.”

Yow. Zah. That could make it hard to reach the salamander! But seriously, Rathbun has added a new female chef which always makes me happy. Newbold has been in Rathbun’s fold (clearing throat) for some time. She’s cheffed at Jasper’s. Before that she cooked at Blue Point Coastal Cuisine in San Diego. She’s originally from Washington where “she often hunted, fished, and cooked with her dad, as well as cultivated fruit and vegetable gardens at home. Working directly with the land and its bounty developed her interest in food and has carried over into her career, as Newbold regularly engages with local farmers to ensure that Blue Plate Kitchen’s menu features dishes as fresh and local as possible.”

Kinky. Okay, all in fun. If we can’t kid each other who can we kid?

Oh yeah, it's for real.

We’re suckers for any press release that contains the following sentences:

• Yes, this is really real.
• Don’t you judge us; we all knew it would end up here someday.
• And yeah, your right we probably did go too far this time.
• Sorry, Mom.

It seems a couple well-intentioned entrepreneurs have teamed up with J&D’s Foods to create a little something they’re calling baconlube—the world’s first bacon-flavored, water-based, American-made, personal lubricant.

Billing itself as the “gold standard of meat-flavored massage oils” (natch) baconlube, they say, is like the McRib of sex: it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time, and is in short supply.

If you’re thinking “stocking stuffer!” (let’s stay on track here), we’re right behind you. But the boys only made 3,000 bottles of this pork-flavored nectar. It hit the interwebs yesterday at www.baconlube.com. How much, you ask, for a product that promises such a satisfying holiday season? Only $11.99.

you know you want more. jump for it…Still on the fence? Here’s a little rationalization.

FACT – People are passionate about bacon.  According to a recent survey of Canadians by Maple Leaf Foods, Canada’s market leader in the bacon category, when asked to choose between bacon and sex, more than four in 10 (43%) chose bacon.  Thanks to baconlube, Canadians will never have to choose between two of life’s greatest pleasures again.  So you’re welcome Canada, you’re welcome – we’ve got your back.

Need I mention, we’ve requested a sample?