Two weeks in Provence coming soon.

Get ready for Central Market’s yearly culinary salute to foreign food. In 2010, we celebrated Argentina (Hi, Francis!). Last year we pigged out on Spain (Hola, Paco!). This year they are throwing a two-week soiree for France, specifically the southern region of Provence, which will begin on May 9 and run through May 22.

Here’s a little poop I learned: Zee hottest ticket will be a seat in the outdoor tent where the kick-off event, “A Taste of Provence,” will feature a sampling of dishes prepared by Chef Patrice Olivon! C’est magnifique! You know Olivon, oui? He’s the cute French dude who won Iron Chef hosts “Dinner is Served,” a lovely show on PBS. It is set for Wednesday, May 9, and begins at 6 p.m.

The menu includes some personal favorites from his childhood (served family-style at long tables), which will be paired with French wines (shocker!). Think: Pissaladiere (thick, pizza-like dish popular in Nice and Marseilles); tomates farcies (tomatoes stuffed with beef, rice & herbs); cod with aioli; roasted lamb with ratatouille; and warm seasonal fruit cooked in red wine served over vanilla ice cream (really?). So frugal Francophiles, get a cheap trip ($35 per person) to Provence, if only for one evening.  Tickets can be booked by clicking here or by visiting the Cooking School reservation site for Dallas.

Sancerre! Profiteroles! A truffle in every pot! Vamos, I mean, nous permettre d’aller!

(Below, I will copy and paste an actual MEDIA-ONLY release so you can get an insider’s look on how real food writing works. I will pair it with commentary from a professional media person.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE [Loud and clear! Got it. Type fast. Did somebody else get this while I was grabbing a sandwich. Hang on let me check the other sites!]

April 1, 2012 [WTF? Am I late here? It's April 16. Did this already go out and I am so screwed? Note to self: Google news before you write it. Alternatively, swear under your breath at PR people.]

CENTRAL MARKET PREPARES TO SHARE “L’ART DE VIVRE” [WHY didn't I think of that hed? (That's editorial lingo for headline. We are all too lazy to type the whole word out.]

Prepare for a gustatory tour of France’s famously food centric regions [Weak sub. Oh, that's edit-speak for sub-headline. Waaaay too long to type. "Food-centric regions" in France  is redundant.]

WHO: All Central Market stores across Texas [ Great start. WHO! Always start with WHO. It worked for Horton and it will work for you.]

WHAT: Get ready to celebrate two weeks devoted to France, a country know for its vast array of distinct food and wine offerings. Central Market, a division of H-E-B will host PASSPORT FRANCE May 9 – 22 to explore the delicious to be found in every day France, “a nation of Foodies.” [Yes, it pedestrian but it's short and to the point and food writers need short. And points. Next.]

This is the specialty retailer’s third foray into a wide-scale international celebration. In 2011, Central Market hosted Passport Spain; and in 2010 it launched with Passport Argentina.  Customers traveled the cultural and culinary landscape of these countries without booking a plane ticket or packing a bag. The events are known for their bounty of exciting food finds, live music and performers, authentic décor and celebrity chef and wine maker visits. [Great insert of backfill information. If I didn't work here last year, I now know how much great stuff I missed by living in Washington, DC.]

This May, CM store visitors can experience all things French during Central Market’s two-week extravaganza. Hands-on crepe making. Wine tastings hosted by winemakers, some part of multigenerational winemaking families. Stellar chefs such as Anne Willan of La Varenne and Patrice Olivon of PBS and Iron Chef fame will make appearances and host events. “An Introduction to French Cheeses” will be hosted by the Ambassadress of the French Cheese Club. [Okay, I'm fading a little.]

The aisles will be filled with finds from around France, such as La Mere de Poulard cookies, Kougin Amann, aged Comte, Petit Montebourg fresh cheese, Fallot Dijon and hundreds more, many exclusively available at Central Market. [I'm am so back. Those cookies are like crack, heroin, pot, and gin all baked into a thin disc of sin.]

From classes in the art of French cookery to French cheeses, breads and wine tastings, Passport France will take visitors on an incredible gustatory tour with no jet lag. [Well, I am confused. What do I do with all of this Ambien?]

WHEN: May 9 – 22, 2012 [Excellent information. Thank you Central Market for making my job a walk in the freaking park!]

WHERE: Central Market, all store locations: Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, Plano,  San Antonio, and Southlake. Go to www.centralmarket.com for the latest details and to review classes available in May. Further details will be released as they are available. [Even bettah! There is more to come so I know there will be more to write. My job feels secure. Until the end of May.]

ABOUT CENTRAL MARKET: Central Market’s open, serpentine-flow, full view European-style layout offers a completely new food shopping experience.  A bountiful produce department with unmatched quality and variety, an 80-foot seafood case with selections from throughout the world, hundreds of cheeses, 2,500 wine labels, stupendous specialty grocery aisles with delights from every continent, and a world-class cooking school featuring hands-on instruction are among the features that make the Central Market experience unique. www.centralmarket.com. [Oaky, the serpentine-flow thing is getting old, but so am I. The store is really more maze-like but I suppose that would cause people to run for the straight aisles of Tom Thumb. Stupendous is a bit dramatic and delights, well my mind stayed to another train of thought, but I was immediately brought back to reality by the hands-on instruction. Oh, yes. France and hands. Good stuff. Count me in.]

UPDATE: According to Kim’s Sig-O: ” She was using the crosswalk with the “Walk” sign at Northwest hwy and Pickwick (near the Baptist church). A driver turned into her. Broken nose, facial lacerations a lot of bruises and she’s resting at home. She’s lucid and doesn’t appear to have any internal or brain injuries.”

Getting paid to write anything is almost dead. Unless you consider composing a 140-character pithy news item as writing. I suppose it is: Steve Martin just released a book of his tweets. But he is Steve Martin. The odds of a writer of any kind hitting that kind of jackpot has always been low.

Publications are shrinking. There are fewer jobs in the publishing business, not just food writing. We hear from people everyday looking for work as editors, art designers, and free lancers. Interns taking journalism classes still spend time in our offices, but instead of gathering “clips” from the magazine, they turn in blog posts for college credit. The internet has offered opportunities to anyone who can text, tweet, or post Facebook updates to gather a following and be whatever authority they want to be. The chances of them making a dollar are slim. That progression seems to be the new face of food writing. Is that good or bad? Who has the time to argue? It’s reality. Instead of trying to change it, I attempt to embrace it.

Jump off the cliff with me.

When I started fifteen years ago, the food section of D Magazine was read by 88% of our readers. The statistics are still high, but, as a monthly magazine, we’ve augmented our monthly food coverage with minutely, hence: SideDish and our D Recommends phone app. I joke all the time that I can’t believe I went to college to write about the comings and goings of chefs or the new spring menu at Fearing’s. I miss writing long features about food travel and investigative pieces on food safety. But with fewer pages in a magazine, an editor has to include as many topics as possible.

Many commenters have referred to me as an old geezer who should get the hell out of food writing and let the young ones take over. Believe me, I will in due time. Sometimes after a day of covering the local dining beat I feel like I’ve just spent 8 hours maneuvering class V rapids in a broken down canoe. But I’m not a quitter. I will continue to adapt and change with the industry. Not just because I need the salary and benefits, but because I have 15 years of knowledge in this industry. When I eat the food of a young chef like Matt McCallister, I see him in a different context. I am able to compare his impact on Dallas food with the international recognition that long-time Dallas chef Jean LaFont brought to Dallas in the 70s. I love that. It keeps me interested in writing about culinary personalities and trends. Otherwise, I would be tempted to write another post about National Grilled Cheese Sandwich Day.

Professional food criticism is on life support. Websites like YELP have contributed to the mass murder of true critics. I’ve learned a lot from following some food blogs and I love the idea that an identifiable food community can be just a 140-character tweet away when I need it. Nothing stays the same. As soon as internet businesses learn how to make money with food writing, there will be food writing opportunities. Everybody has to eat and most people care about how much they get for their money when they choose to dine out. I hope you are all smart enough to continue to value and balance professional opinions instead of getting a quick fix from Siri or YELP. I’m hanging in with an open mind until the river runs dry. I don’t think it will.

Tillman's s'mores. Photo by Gustav Schmiege for D Magazine.

I review theater, not food. Sometimes movies, but mostly theater. I get to see the show only once, and the measure is, would I like to go back, and see this again? Would I bring someone else to discover it, too, so I can watch their face instead of the stage? Of course, no matter what I think, someone, somewhere is going to think I’m wrong. But I hope we can all appreciate decent writing, and recognize good intentions and the desire to be fair.

Which brings me to Mark Vamos’ no-star review of Tillman’s Roadhouse, published at the end of last month in The Dallas Morning News. We don’t give stars here, and even if we did, I’d have nothing to do with that and no basis on which to award them. The last time we reviewed the Dallas location was in 2007. As I mentioned, I’m a theater critic, not a food critic, for many reasons (Exhibit A: I don’t like seafood, which my friend Michael—a cook—tells me repeatedly is like saying I don’t like sandwiches.). But to me, no stars means there’s absolutely no reason on Earth for anyone to set foot in that restaurant. I humbly disagree. For me, there are at least two. But I’ll leave a dissection of the main courses to the professionals (though the ones I’ve had have been just fine), and talk about the tater tots.

Let’s go.

When I moved back to Dallas a little more than a year ago, the adjustment was rough. A bright spot: access to tater tots, one of my primary food groups sadly lacking on the East Coast. A friend pointed me to Tillman’s, where they serve something that sounded tailor-made for my picky palate—goat cheese tater tots, drizzled with truffle oil. I know that people don’t necessarily care for these. But I am firmly convinced that these soft, creamy, delightfully greasy nuggets are the best things I’ve ever tasted. I don’t care about “snap” or “crisp,” though last night’s tots were actually crispier than usual. Still not the point. The point is the warm chèvre, mixed with a little potato, and it is so, so good. It’s a cure for whatever ails me: long work day, relationship trouble, friendships gone sour, creative insecurity. I can walk into Tillman’s a nasty, scowling storm cloud of emotion, sink into a pillow-strewn booth along the wall, and walk out stuffed and happy, savoring that last tot, tipsy off a single 87 Ways.

I’ve been at least once every couple of months since last June (certainly since the restaurant changed execu chefs).  What other restaurant in Dallas so consistently makes me forget my petty, petty problems? I tend to order the same thing every time—giant salad, tater tots, 87 Ways—because I know what I like and I’m a small person (I can’t order starter, main, dessert, or I’d blow up like blueberry Violet Beauregard). The roasted beet salad, with large leaf lettuce and goat cheese, tastes better to me than Bolsa’s. The mac ‘n cheese is appropriately gooey and peppered with just enough bacon. Service two nights ago, as usual, was quick, friendly, and efficient.

But all of this is sort of secondary. The tots give me a primary reason to go back, again and again, and nothing about this Bishop Arts outpost, from the kitschy decor to the rest of the menu, has persuaded me that I shouldn’t.

Tim and Nina Zagat actually cared about the ethics of the review. They built an empire from how much they care. A generation trusted them. With so many new correspondents out there, I’m curious how Google plans to enforce ethics and curb bias.

Your thoughts?

This quick assessment from a professional food critic who reviewed Dallas restaurants while taking copious amounts of sinus medication? After my ENT doctor read about Raskin’s sinus problems,  he called me and said: “She had no business reviewing restaurants. Her palate was dead.” If I were a restaurateur who was reviewed during her reign, I’d be demanding a redo. No wonder she called Dallas a “dining nowhereville.” She wasn’t able to taste anything. She blathers on:

I shouldn’t be surprised that the imagined relationship between rigorous professional criticism and good food doesn’t hold up. I moved here from Dallas, a city that’s covered ruthlessly by established food critics, including the Dallas Morning News‘ Leslie Brenner, D Magazine’s Nancy Nichols, and Texas Monthly’s Pat Sharpe. The food there isn’t any better for it.

Hanna, you take one trip to Portland and declare “Portland appears to have entered the post-professional critic era, and the food scene hasn’t suffered.” Oh my. I need a Xanax. Writers in Portland were sadly laid off by print publications. Raskin should be next.

Fans, just wanted to let you know that YELP has been removing our 5 star reviews for our McKinney location, we have talked to them and they have told us we can’t do anything about it. YELP has been unfair and removed 24 reviews all of which were 4 and 5 stars. But they keep calling us to advertise, and told us it would get better if we advertised. It’s all about making money, what a shame they used to be a great site.

Ouch! Maybe their cyber technicians can detect comments left by the same person. I don’t know. However, this morning comes a note from another just-as-loyal Disher.

I think you’d better take a seat and get ready for this rumble. Oh, and if you know Jack Perkins of Maple & Motor, you might want to text him a link. Okay? Let’s go.

Loyal Disher writes:

I’m sure you have seen this article about Yelp’s impact on restaurants [Ed. Note: I have now!] I use Yelp mainly when I’m going out of town but I use similar sites – Urbanspoon and Trip Advisor more often. I think the sites are relevant and have credibility. It’s interesting that so many restaurant owners seem to despise Yelp and think the reviewers who give them negative feedback are unknowledgeable.  One doesn’t have to look any further than Jack Perkins (M&M). He seems to be on a personal crusade to dispute anything negative said about him or his restaurant. Anywhere he can, he posts brash, bombastic rebuttals to reviewers (except for Yelp — I heard he got booted off Yelp for his harassment of reviewers.) I’ve seen other snide comments about Yelp and its users from other restaurant owners on their Facebook page.

I wondered what you, and more importantly, your readers think of Yelp and a restaurant owner who argues incessantly with reviewers that he doesn’t like.  I like Maple and Motor just fine and have no problem with the restaurant’s policies (I actually like them) but I can’t get past the blatant “you can go to hell if you have a complaint or issue with my restaurant” attitude.  I’m sure many restaurant owners have wanted to tell a paying customer where to go — but have thought twice. Where is the respect for the customer?   Has Yelp and similar sites caused this animosity towards customers?

Yow. Zah. What a crazy world we live in. I don’t think of Yelp, so I’m no help.  So, here’s the deal. Do you use Yelp, Urbanspoon, or Trip Advisor? If so, which one do you find the most useful? Have you had comments deleted?

Restaurant owners: I think I could get pissed by anonymous people leaving remarks about experiences in my restaurant. I remember Hector Garcia telling us about the four-top who that walked in and announced “Table for four. We are Yelpers.” Everybody is a food critic without standards. Speak up Dishers, Yelpers, Spooners, and Advisors.

If you spot the word YUM in a post after today, you will win a prize. Carry on.

Anywhoo, this morning I came across an interesting post on Sarah Henry’s Bay Area Bites blog. She offers advice for struggling (succulent) food bloggers. Henry maintains “talent and ideas count, so does experience, connections, timing, and, frankly, a bit of luck.”

To that I would add: have an opinion, get a good therapist, and find someone to sell you wine wholesale. Questions?