Lucky and police officer at 3:30PM . (Photo by Carol Shih)

Last Thursday, Ed Bailey, majority owner of The Chesterfield, called the police and attempted to have one of his minority owners, Eddie “Lucky” Campbell, removed from the premises. The operation failed.

According to Campbell, Gary Van Gundy, president of Edward C. Bailey Enterprises, showed up with an attorney a little before 3PM today and the police were asked to have Campbell removed.  “Yes, they’re here right now,” said Campbell from his cell phone. “They are trying to have me removed from the property.” Campbell showed the officers the lease which is in Campbell’s name. “They tried to say I was trespassing,” Campbell said. “But I’m not.”

Bailey and Campbell are locked in a bitter battle over how to operate the Chesterfield. Both teams are lawyered up and won’t get into specifics. Bailey owns 51% of the business but his name is not on the lease agreement. “Look, I’m here right now and I’m starting a huge all-night happy hour starting at 5:30 today. I am reinstating the staff that Bailey fired and those who walked out in disgust,” Campbell said. “These people have kids and need to work. Our disagreement is a private matter about business and I want to get it resolved.”

I asked him how he planned to run a business with an unhappy partner. “It’s difficult,” Campbell said. “I’m not a lawyer. Ed and I disagree on how to run this business. As far as I’m concerned, I’m still operating The Chesterfield.”

Two weeks in Provence coming soon.

Get ready for Central Market’s yearly culinary salute to foreign food. In 2010, we celebrated Argentina (Hi, Francis!). Last year we pigged out on Spain (Hola, Paco!). This year they are throwing a two-week soiree for France, specifically the southern region of Provence, which will begin on May 9 and run through May 22.

Here’s a little poop I learned: Zee hottest ticket will be a seat in the outdoor tent where the kick-off event, “A Taste of Provence,” will feature a sampling of dishes prepared by Chef Patrice Olivon! C’est magnifique! You know Olivon, oui? He’s the cute French dude who won Iron Chef hosts “Dinner is Served,” a lovely show on PBS. It is set for Wednesday, May 9, and begins at 6 p.m.

The menu includes some personal favorites from his childhood (served family-style at long tables), which will be paired with French wines (shocker!). Think: Pissaladiere (thick, pizza-like dish popular in Nice and Marseilles); tomates farcies (tomatoes stuffed with beef, rice & herbs); cod with aioli; roasted lamb with ratatouille; and warm seasonal fruit cooked in red wine served over vanilla ice cream (really?). So frugal Francophiles, get a cheap trip ($35 per person) to Provence, if only for one evening.  Tickets can be booked by clicking here or by visiting the Cooking School reservation site for Dallas.

Sancerre! Profiteroles! A truffle in every pot! Vamos, I mean, nous permettre d’aller!

(Below, I will copy and paste an actual MEDIA-ONLY release so you can get an insider’s look on how real food writing works. I will pair it with commentary from a professional media person.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE [Loud and clear! Got it. Type fast. Did somebody else get this while I was grabbing a sandwich. Hang on let me check the other sites!]

April 1, 2012 [WTF? Am I late here? It's April 16. Did this already go out and I am so screwed? Note to self: Google news before you write it. Alternatively, swear under your breath at PR people.]

CENTRAL MARKET PREPARES TO SHARE “L’ART DE VIVRE” [WHY didn't I think of that hed? (That's editorial lingo for headline. We are all too lazy to type the whole word out.]

Prepare for a gustatory tour of France’s famously food centric regions [Weak sub. Oh, that's edit-speak for sub-headline. Waaaay too long to type. "Food-centric regions" in France  is redundant.]

WHO: All Central Market stores across Texas [ Great start. WHO! Always start with WHO. It worked for Horton and it will work for you.]

WHAT: Get ready to celebrate two weeks devoted to France, a country know for its vast array of distinct food and wine offerings. Central Market, a division of H-E-B will host PASSPORT FRANCE May 9 – 22 to explore the delicious to be found in every day France, “a nation of Foodies.” [Yes, it pedestrian but it's short and to the point and food writers need short. And points. Next.]

This is the specialty retailer’s third foray into a wide-scale international celebration. In 2011, Central Market hosted Passport Spain; and in 2010 it launched with Passport Argentina.  Customers traveled the cultural and culinary landscape of these countries without booking a plane ticket or packing a bag. The events are known for their bounty of exciting food finds, live music and performers, authentic décor and celebrity chef and wine maker visits. [Great insert of backfill information. If I didn't work here last year, I now know how much great stuff I missed by living in Washington, DC.]

This May, CM store visitors can experience all things French during Central Market’s two-week extravaganza. Hands-on crepe making. Wine tastings hosted by winemakers, some part of multigenerational winemaking families. Stellar chefs such as Anne Willan of La Varenne and Patrice Olivon of PBS and Iron Chef fame will make appearances and host events. “An Introduction to French Cheeses” will be hosted by the Ambassadress of the French Cheese Club. [Okay, I'm fading a little.]

The aisles will be filled with finds from around France, such as La Mere de Poulard cookies, Kougin Amann, aged Comte, Petit Montebourg fresh cheese, Fallot Dijon and hundreds more, many exclusively available at Central Market. [I'm am so back. Those cookies are like crack, heroin, pot, and gin all baked into a thin disc of sin.]

From classes in the art of French cookery to French cheeses, breads and wine tastings, Passport France will take visitors on an incredible gustatory tour with no jet lag. [Well, I am confused. What do I do with all of this Ambien?]

WHEN: May 9 – 22, 2012 [Excellent information. Thank you Central Market for making my job a walk in the freaking park!]

WHERE: Central Market, all store locations: Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth, Houston, Plano,  San Antonio, and Southlake. Go to www.centralmarket.com for the latest details and to review classes available in May. Further details will be released as they are available. [Even bettah! There is more to come so I know there will be more to write. My job feels secure. Until the end of May.]

ABOUT CENTRAL MARKET: Central Market’s open, serpentine-flow, full view European-style layout offers a completely new food shopping experience.  A bountiful produce department with unmatched quality and variety, an 80-foot seafood case with selections from throughout the world, hundreds of cheeses, 2,500 wine labels, stupendous specialty grocery aisles with delights from every continent, and a world-class cooking school featuring hands-on instruction are among the features that make the Central Market experience unique. www.centralmarket.com. [Oaky, the serpentine-flow thing is getting old, but so am I. The store is really more maze-like but I suppose that would cause people to run for the straight aisles of Tom Thumb. Stupendous is a bit dramatic and delights, well my mind stayed to another train of thought, but I was immediately brought back to reality by the hands-on instruction. Oh, yes. France and hands. Good stuff. Count me in.]

I lived in California for 11 years so perhaps I am experiencing the reverse-home-town-food-nostalgia syndrome that affects older people because when I returned from vacation last week, I drove straight to In-N-Out and devoured a DDAS (double-double animal style) like a rabid coyote. EVERYBODY knows you order the fries crispy at INO. Everybody but Andrew.

Anywhoo, where do you go when you re-enter your life in Dallas?

(Sorry, frog rights activists.)

I like frogs, so I thought I’d post a video to commemorate all the poor froggy souls that have been consumed for the past 32098024980298 years.

Edit: I just received word from DISH that “guests with a leap year birth date will receive a special gift of 50% off their food at DISH tonight. All they need to do is show their ID with their February 29 birthday.”

[Sorry this is late. I keep getting distracted because Paul Qui is posting creepy photos of fish here and here on Twitter. Yeeea, Paul, I "sea" you.]

It’s down to the three amigos: Pretty Paul, Stinky Sarah, and Lame Lindsay.

Good thing Bev’s gone because this trio has to cook Asian food inside Vancouver’s Chinatown for the Quickfire Challenge. “Asian food is not my forte,” says Sarah. Naw, really? All I’ve seen you do is make pasta and fish. You are lucky Bev isn’t here to whoop you with some of her braised short ribs.

Jump for more cans of whoop @$$.

Part Uno: Quickfire Challenge

The judges bring in Top Chef Masters Anito Lo, Floyd Cardoz, and Takashi Yagihashi to help the three remaining chefs cook inside Bao Bei Chinese Brasserie (translation: “My Precious Treasure Chinese Brasserie”… horrible, horrible name). Each Asian master is paired with one of the cheftestants, and they must take turns cooking inside the kitchen for a total of 40 minutes without consulting each other on their Asian-influenced dish. Even though Sarah loves Takashi so much that she starts bawling the moment she sees him, she’s stuck with Floyd C., a Master who’s never won a Quickfire challenge. Too bad for Sarah because Paul gets Takashi, which is truly a match made in Japanese food heaven. Lindsay and Anita pair off, but we don’t really care about them…

With an “okie dokie” from Takashi, the teams are off and running. Seriously, could Takashi’s accent get any cuter? I DON’T THINK SO.

Linita (Lindsay/Anita) cook a scallop in three parts with bok choy, chili, and roe. Pashi (Paul/Takashi) decide on a mirugai, which is a geoduck (not a clam, Paul), but the Uchiko execuchef adds too much spice at the end. Sloyd (Sarah/Floyd), the underdogs, are on the same wavelength and whip up a nice coconut curry with crab, even though Sarah’s “comfort level with curry is a zero.” Despite her initial discomfort with the challenge, Sarah ends up taking home the $20,000 grand prize, and Floyd wins his first Quickfire ever. We’re happy for Floyd, but Sarah really needs to pack her knives and go in the next elimination round.

Part Dos: Elimination Challenge

The producers at BRAVO probably got a ton of crap for holding the last Top Chef: Texas episodes in British Columbia, so they decide to incorporate Texas back into the show….gee, thanks. Each chef has to create one dish and one cocktail for the Fire and Ice Cocktail Party where 150 of Vancouver’s elite will gather to try dishes that have a fire (Texas weather) and ice (not Texas weather) component. Within five hours, the cheftestants have to brilliantly whip up a dish that’ll impress the judges AND feed a small country. “It’s gonna be a shit show,” says Paul.

The three amigos are definitely in the weeds. While Lindsay’s juicing her tomatoes, she says, “I think if I literally cut my fingers off, I’d keep going.” Can anyone else smell the desperation? Sarah, though, is off in her corner, making pasta from scratch and smack-talking like the stink bomb she is. Even her closest friend on the show, Lindsay, isn’t safe when Sarah says that Lindsay’s “playing it safe” with her halibut over celery remoulade.

Part Tres: The Judges’ Table

Surprisingly, Sarah turns out to be right for the first time in her life. Lindsay’s tomato-themed dinner didn’t impress the judges conceptually, while Sarah’s Agrumi cocktail did. The frozen sauce on top of Sarah’s cannoli stuffed with five greens, however, prevented her from taking home the trip to Costa Rica for two. Paul’s play on lobster bouillabaisse with king crab wins him (and his girlfriend, probably) a tour of fair trade coffee in South America. What a lucky man.

Everyone’s sad that Lindsay has to go home, but really, Sarah’s quite happy on the inside. “I always knew it would be me versus Paul,” she gushes. Wow, Sarah, you’re the biggest sneak. I hope you also know that Paul’s going to beat your pasta-making self in the finale. Bring. It. On.

After much consideration, pizza-maker extraordinaire Jay Jerrier and pizza-eater extraordinaire Evan Grant (that’s me), have come up with four finalists for our Name a Napoli Pizza contest.Tuesday (Feb. 7 or tomorrow to most of you), we will roll out some samples of these fine entries for you to taste and, as always, the full Cane Rosso menu will be available. One of these fine recipes will end up as a special pie on the Cane Rosso menu for the next month and one of these neophyte pizza creators will walk away with a nice little prize package. Maybe we can come up with some other surprises, too. So, if you are free come on down. We’d love your input here and at the restaurant. Here are the finalists. Be there at 7PM.

Pee-wee Herman stops by for a surprise visit.

PROLOGUE

Jonesy’s gone, but five chefs are left
In fair San Antonio, where we lay our scene.
It’s still unclear whose knife skills are best,
At least we know Ed sleeps in suits, not blue jeans.

Jump for the rest of sonnet.

ACT 1: QUICKFIRE

Padma stood in front of 80,000 pancakes (were they real??), which made a trip to IHOP look verrry tempting at the moment. But then a withered version of Pee-wee Herman showed up riding a red bicycle in his signature suit and bow tie – an ode to childhood memories – and thoughts of IHOP disappeared. The chefs made fancy schmancy pancakes for Pee-wee because they’re his favorite food. Grayson tried making a Minnie Mouse-shaped pancake, and Pee-wee (ever the nice guy) said, “That’s the best pancake I’ve ever had.” Then he repeated that same line after trying all five chefs’ pancakes, which made him the nicest judge on this planet. (Albeit, still a bit creepy.) Ed won the challenge with his burnt edges pancake, which did not look appealing in the least bit. Not at all.

Act 2: ELIMINATION

The chefs had to ride around San Antonio on red bicycles, buy their own ingredients, and bust into somebody’s kitchen to cook Pee-wee a family-style dinner that he’ll eat inside the Alamo. Sarah became a Lost Chef after getting her directions confused, but she still managed to steal Lindsay’s kitchen while Lindsay was out scavenging for… berries or something. Lindsay was pissed when her ONLY FRIEND, Sarah, betrayed her, and turned into a super witch (surprise, surprise) at the next kitchen she found. Meanwhile, inside a mansion kitchen, Ed was getting bossed around by this one dude and had to cook him two eggs over easy. Didn’t the dude know that Ed was competing on Top Chef? Wow, you just made yourself look like a douche on national television.

After all the cooking, the chefs had to bike their dishes over to the Alamo. Most impressive moment of the entire show: when Grayson balanced her chicken dish with one hand and biked with other. Hot dang.

The judges lounged inside the Alamo, tasting all the chicken dishes that the cheftestants prepared for Pee-wee. Dinner conversation sounded like an exchange between five-year-olds. We almost had to hide under a chair like Ed from all the maturity going around.

Padma: Now, when you think of the Alamo, what will you think of?

Pee-wee: Chicken.

Padma: I know you are, but what am I?

Pee-wee: I’m rubber; you’re glue. Whatever bounces off me, sticks onto you.

When the judges finally remembered how old they were, out came the criticisms. Sarah’s egg salad wasn’t well-seasoned, Grayson’s runny egg-yolk chicken was too big and overwhelming (just like that Wisconsin steak), Ed’s chicken was a tad undercooked, and Paul’s roasted chicken was one of the judges’ favorites. Lindsay won even though she had the least time to cook. Then Grayson got the axe for her Texas-sized portions.

But that wasn’t the end.

Up until this point, the chefs didn’t know about Last Chance Kitchen. They learn that the eliminated chefs had been competing amongst each other in order to rejoin the cast for the finale. Next week, the winner of Last Chance Kitchen (either Bev or Grayson) will be released back into the jungle.

ACT 3: EPISODE 14 PREVIEW

A scary clip in which Paul Qui is crying and mumbling, “I’m sorry.” Is he going home next week?? You can’t kick the Texan out of Texas!

UPDATE: I received a voice mail from Richard Chamberlain. “Michael Costa worked for us briefly 16 years ago,” he said. “In his release he insinuates he is associated with us and that is not the case.”

PRESS RELEASE:

In case you didn’t get the memo, The Office Grill is coming to a neighborhood near you…and soon!  Dallas-based veteran restaurateur Michael Costa’s Rainmaker Group (Chamberlain’s, Popolo’s, Mediterraneo, Toscana, Fish, Riviera, and Nobu, to name a few) is in final discussions with a national restaurant consortium whose two chains are a household name and in negotiations with a few other developers to share the Office concept on a much larger scale. On the eve of it’s one-year anniversary, the Office Grill has decided to shut the doors on their North Dallas location to focus on developing the concept for a regional roll-out. “Although we have been so blessed with a great group of patrons, and we’ve made a lot of life-long friends that we hope to see in a few months at our central location, we knew from the onset that this location had some major challenges, if only from the fact that a decade of near-misses preceded us. What this year has given us is the time and the venue to test and tweak The Office Concept into something with broad viability and a strong economic engine. Sometimes it takes pulling back and re-evaluating before you can ramp up for growth of this nature,” says Costa. With an overall vision of closing deals while eating meals, The Office Concept fits perfectly with busy lifestyles, and provides, as one writer put it, “a perfect escape from cubicle hell.” This virtual office offers amenities that allow guests to truly make the office “their own”, such as wifi, printer/copier capabilities, and even a notary to help in sealing the deal. There are also lockers available in the Boardroom for those wanting to leave computers, letterhead, or even their own stapler in-house. “As with any strong brand, the power of the concept is the engine that drives it. It’s no secret that we’ve had a rough year with our lack of landlord support in our present location, but the idea and passion behind the Office Concept has proven consistent with current trending and our culture. People today are busy, and who else is creating a place where one doesn’t mind staying late at the Office?” Costa says. “We are very excited about the opportunity to roll the concept of turning work into play out in more communities in 2012.” Initial plans include the finalization of the locations for an Office Grill near downtown Dallas and in Houston and San Antonio. For more information, contact Michael Costa at 214.402.7357.

I am speechless.