If anyone knows how I can plant myself on that coveted RSVP list, let’s talk. I’ll pay you in almonds.

We reaped the fruits of their labor last night. (We being Cathy Barber from the Dallas Morning News, Teresa Gubbins from Pegasus News, Robert Wilonsky from the Dallas Observer, and Dave Cathey from the Oklahoman.) We judged the ribs on texture, tenderness, appearance, and sauce. We judged the crust, the cut, the rub. We wondered if the ribs were too spicy. Too sweet? Was the fat cooked down? Was there too little fat? Did we like the pumpkin-y sauce? What about the hot sauce? How about that pickle? After about two hours and sampling 35 ribs apiece (don’t worry, we didn’t all of them), we were stuffed. And we’d made a decision.

The winners are all below. Go.

We went out to the patio (one of my favorite patios downtown) and the winners were announced. The Texas winner was Cousin’s Barbecue from Fort Worth. The ribs are picture number 6 (I took the pictures as we went, but never knew whom the ribs belonged to. I found out the order this morning). These ribs had a deep smokiness that won most of us over. Some of them were just slightly overcooked, but the great flavor of the meat and the barbecue sauce was enough to make it the winner. That pickle may have had something to do with the win as well. Have some water nearby if you try it, though. It is a spicy vegetable.

The Oklahoma winner was Leo’s BBQ from Oklahoma City (picture number 3). I liked how they presented their sauce. On the left side, you had a medium sauce, and on the right, you had their hot sauce. The hot sauce’s texture was a bit grainy, but the medium was just about perfect, as were the ribs.

So now it’s your turn to do some judging. The winning pitmasters have been at work in Main Street Garden since 5:30 this morning. They’ll be out at the park tonight from 5 to 10 p.m. Get a plate of ribs from both Leo’s and Cousin’s. Then vote for who you think is the best. The winner will get $1,000. (And all proceeds that DRG Concepts makes will go to Kidd’s Kids.) You can also talk to and test the barbecue sauces and spices from the other pitmasters. And while you’re there, you’ll hear performances from bands from both Texas and Oklahoma.

My only little bit of advice: don’t even look at 35 ribs. You’ll smell like barbecue for the next day and you may get a little sick.

At this point, I have no idea who will win the barbecue contest. But I do know who will win Saturday’s game—Boomer!

photos borrowed from scoochmaroo at Instructables.com

Last year, we watched the seemingly unflappable Ryan transform from cherubic imp to Keith Stone over the course of one wacky Movember challenge. This year (I hope) will be no exception. But should we fall down on the job—or should you not have the genetic material necessary to grow your own—there is an alternative: DIY moustache cookie pops. A clever contributor at Instructables.com who calls herself scoochmaroo posted this handy step-by-step on their site, and I have to say, I’m sold.

I call for a challenge! Create, send us pics, and may the best ’stache with the best backstory win!

Also, apropos the holiday, back in the early 1990s I went to hear Studs Terkel speak on the topic of labor and will never forget what an eye-opener it was to finally understand what the holiday was all about. It’s a fine thing to have gotten dressed-down by the cigar-smoking big pappa of the working class. I have to admit, I was a little bit in love with him after that. So every year I offer a toast Studs (and promise to name a child or dog after him someday). Often there’s a signature drink involved. One year we created a drink called “The Working Poor,” but that bummed everybody out. Another year it was a gin concoction called “Not In My Bathtub,” but the gin made everybody mean. So a new drink is in order.

Problem is, I’m flat out of ideas. So, I’m going to steal some from you. What dishes are you making for your Labor Day gathering? And while you’re at it, any suggestions for a Labor Day-themed drink are welcome. Hell, if I get enough good ones I might even mix up a few and let the guests decide.

Chefs Under Fire at Milestone Culinary (Photo by Loren J. Root; www.glassrootsconcepts.com)

Ace contributor Brooklynne Peters files this report from last night’s Chefs Under Fire event at Milestone Culinary Academy:

Last night, more than 100 Dallasites gathered at the Milestone Culinary Arts Center in Dallas to participate in DFW’s very own Hell’s-Kitchen-esque chef competition, Chefs Under Fire.

Chefs Scott Loranc (Central Market Austin), Kevin Martinez (Tokyo Café), Thuy Nguyen (Tarrant County Community College) and Juan Rodriguez (Reata Restaurant) competed against one another for the regional title by preparing the best, most creative dish they could with surprise ingredients, which were revealed to be tile fish, sweet corn, okra and Texas peaches. The winner would continue on to compete in the Chefs Under Fire Final Competition on October 16th in Austin.

jump for more

Secret ingredient: golden tilefish (Photo by Loren J. Root; www.glassrootsconcepts.com)

“I think it’s a great event,” said attendee Caitlin Cunniff. “It’s a great way to get people from Dallas that are interested in food together, and give some new chefs a chance to showcase themselves.”

The dishes were judged by chefs Tim Byres (Smoke), Katie Natale (Four Seasons Dallas at Las Colinas) and Sharon Van Meter (Milestone Culinary Arts Center). After thoughtfully tasting and questioning each chef about his or her dish, the judges chose Kevin Martinez as the winner.

“Kevin…somehow, seemed to bring all of [those ingredients] together,” said Van Meter. “In the long run, I just think it all worked. It all worked together.”

The winning dish. (Photo by Loren J. Root; www.glassrootsconcepts.com)

But while the chefs prepared their dishes, chef John Tesar (The Commissary) and sommelier Scott Barber (The Commissary) hosted a special food and wine pairing presentation. Tesar showed the crowd how to prepare braised beef tongue.

“It’s young chefs cooking,” said Tesar. “I wanted to do something unpredictable, inspirational, and also affordable.”

Barber complemented the dish with old world wines, including a 2009 Chateau de Sancerre, a 2007 Selbach-Oster and a 2009 Chateau St. Jean de la Gineste. The class was a huge hit among guests.

The moment of victory for Chef Kevin Martinez, center, of Tokyo Cafe. (Photo by Loren J. Root; www.glassrootsconcepts.com)

Corn, okra, and peaches. (Photo by Brooklynne Peters)

“I was a little nervous at first with the beef tongue,” said attendee Caitlin Cunniff, “but it ended up being delicious, so I really enjoyed it. When he was first pulling it up out of the pot, and it looked very much like a cow tongue, I didn’t really know what to think, but it was good!”

Others, however, couldn’t be convinced.

“I was thinking of trying the tongue,” said attendee Paula McCollough, “and my husband kind of said ‘No.’”

Make sure to keep an eye on DFW representative chef Kevin Martinez as he continues on to the Chefs Under Fire Finals on October 16th at the AT&T Executive Education and Conference Center in Austin. What does Martinez say he’ll be doing to prepare for the final competition?

“Just cooking every day,” said Martinez. “Trying new things.”

The foodie crowd. (Photo by Brooklynne Peters)

Carrie Keep, NOSH line cook, dishes about life in Hell's Kitchen. (Photo by Desirée Espada

Contributor Brooklynne Peters landed a one-on-one interview with NOSH line cook and Hell’s Kitchen, Season Nine contestant, Carrie Keep. The two sat down at Coal Vines Pizza and Wine Bar in Uptown last week, during which time Keep dished about the show’s behind-the-scenes drama and how she only has eyes for “cheffy.” Take it away, Brooklynne…

“I did not sleep with Brendan,” Dallas chef and Hell’s Kitchen, Season Nine contestant Carrie Keep clarified over calamari and bruschetta as she cleared the air about her (non) relationship with Brendan, girl drama on the show, and why she ultimately felt like she let chef Gordon Ramsay down.

Keep, who has a little over two years of cooking experience and a brand new degree from Le Cordon Bleu, beat out 20,000 applicants to become one of 18 final contestants on Hell’s Kitchen, the reality cooking show that banks on aspiring chefs’ ambition (and vulnerabilities) and chef Gordon Ramsay’s volatility. As of this week, she’s worked her way into to the final 10 and has a lot to say about how she got there.

jump to read more…
It hasn’t been a straight shot to the top for Keep, who is from Wichita Falls, Texas. The tall blonde spent much of her twenties working as a loan officer for Wells Fargo, and even, at one point, selling copy machines. But thanks to a lot of encouragement from her friends, Keep decided two years ago to drop everything and pursue her dream of becoming a chef.

“I always cooked for friends and stuff. I loved cooking,” Keep said. “They’d always be like, ‘Carrie, why don’t you become a chef?’”

So when she grew tired of life in sales, Keep enrolled in Dallas’ Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts. In retrospect, she states that this might not have been the best decision, though it worked out in her favor.

“Knowing what I do now, I probably wouldn’t have gone to culinary school,” said Keep. “You learn so much just being in the kitchen.”

Which is just what she did. Within her first three months of school, she had secured an apprenticeship with Matt McCallister, executive chef at Stephan Pyles. Keep held down a full-time job while going to school and apprenticing at Stephan Pyles, making good her self-attributed title of “over-achiever.” “I had no life, but I didn’t care!” she said.

It was there that Keep really learned the ropes in the restaurant business, working the line and learning from her mistakes. “I feel that when you’re just thrown into it, that’s how you learn,” said Keep. “I don’t mind that I make mistakes. I’m not perfect. But I learn from those mistakes, and I get better.”

From that point on, Keep made it a point to learn from only the best, including Nick Badovinus (Neighborhood Services Tavern), Avner Samuel (NOSH), Jon Stevens (NOSH) and eventually, Gordon Ramsay.

Keep was a fan of Hell’s Kitchen long before she was a contestant, stretching back to her Wells Fargo days when a career in cooking wasn’t even on the horizon. She admired Ramsay for his incredible cooking talent as well as his ability to tear people to shreds with his words.

“When he’s calling everyone a donkey,” Keep said, “and dropping the F-bomb, I’m like, this guy’s amazing!”

A few years later, while still enrolled at Le Cordon Bleu, she made the decision to send in an online application for the show. After myriad interviews and background checks, Keep found herself in a finalist position to become a contestant on season nine. Part of the approval process included extensive screening by psychiatrists, doctors and a private investigator (“Because that’s what I like to do on the weekends – go out and murder people with my knife kit!”) But she wasn’t concerned.

“They just fell in love with me,” Keep said with a confident smile.

Interestingly, though she’d been through so much medical and mental screening, she’d had to do no cooking to prove that she deserved to be on the show. Up until it was time to shoot, producers had chosen her purely off of her personality. However, she said that anyone banking on personality alone would’ve been in big trouble. “Anyone would be stupid to lie and actually go into that kitchen, because it is hell…for you to actually not know a thing about cooking and to go into that kitchen…I mean, yeah, you’d get yanked immediately.”

Once the show aired, it became apparent to many that there was a lot of drama, and Keep was at the center of much of it. She had an ongoing issue with fellow contestant Elise Wims. The two didn’t get along from the beginning, despite having no apparent legitimate conflict.

“She is evil,” Keep said of Wims. “And I really don’t think she has a mother. Seriously, I don’t know who raised her. A pack of freaking wolves or coyotes. I want to talk to her mother, if she does have a mother. [I’d] say ‘What did you do to this girl? God!’ I have never, ever met someone who was like, off the bat, ‘Eff you.’ Never! Everybody loves me!”

Keep had a lot to say about other contestants on the show, but her real beef was with the Fox network itself for framing her and fellow contestant, Brendan Heavey. The show aired a segment indicating that Keep and Heavey were intimate with one another, which Keep insists was a total fabrication. So what exactly happened?

“It’s called editing. Thank you, Fox,” said Keep. “Literally, yes, I was down there talking to him, but we were just talking. It wasn’t flirtatious…My lips weren’t even moving when, supposedly, I was talking. They totally set that up. I never touched him. We were just friends. And they set up the whole shout out…at the end too, when he got eliminated. He was like, ‘Yo Carrie, look me up!’ Really? Good job, guys. Way to go. You succeeded in making me look like a slut. Appreciate it.”

But in spite of the constant drama surrounding Keep, she insists that her time spent on the show was valuable and rewarding, mainly due to the opportunity she had to work with Chef Ramsay.

“If I’m gonna flirt with anybody, and get it on with anybody, it’s gonna be Chef Ramsay,” Keep said. “I know he’s married, so it would never happen. I only had eyes for Cheffy.”

Keep was overwhelmed by Ramsay’s accomplishments including his numerous Michelin star restaurants and reality shows. One of her most memorable moments on the show was when the cooking tyrant toned it down for a moment to give her some real guidance.

“He comes over and he’s like, ‘Hey, watch me.’ And all he did was teach me,” Keep said, remembering a time when she was preparing sea bass for dinner. “It wasn’t like he was belittling my intelligence or anything. He just wanted to show me how he does it. That alone, right there, is so cool. Cuz I’m just sitting there right next to Chef Ramsay and he’s showing me everything. He’s like a god.”

But when it comes to the red-faced, fist-pounding Ramsay we all know and love, Keep thinks some of it might be for show. “He’s passionate about what he does,” said Keep. “So I understand why he flies off the handle. It is reality TV, so we’ll just say that.”

Despite being the least-experienced chef in the competition, Keep took away some valuable lessons, and very few regrets. She felt like a winner just for beating out 20,000 other contestants, and proving to herself that she could persevere.

“Of course, you go in there wanting to win it all,” said Keep. “I’m not gonna beat myself up because I didn’t get this far or I didn’t make it this far. Because I did it, you know? I got on the show. I kicked butt. And I can’t be disappointed in myself if I gave it everything I could.”

However, when it came to personal goals, Keep admits that she feels as though she failed Chef Ramsay in the end.

“I wish I would’ve stepped up and shown them, ‘This is me.’ I wish he’d seen more,” said Keep. “I wish I’d had more time to show him. I just felt like I let Chef Ramsay down. And that was the last thing I wanted to do. Because he had confidence in me, and I feel like I let him down.”

Keep’s future is currently up for grabs. She courts the possibility of returning to TV, whether it would be for a cooking show or another season of Hell’s Kitchen. But for now, she is happy working as a line cook at NOSH Euro Bistro in Dallas, alongside Chef Avner Samuels and Chef Jon Stevens.

“She’s got great charisma,” said Stevens of Keep. “I think she’ll be really good at it. She’s young in the business, but I don’t think that matters as long as you have passion for it.”

So, will we see Carrie Keep, the tall, sweet blonde from Texas, on national television again soon? Who knows? However, you might see her NOSH counterpart on the small screen sooner than you think.

“If I was approached by a show that I’d like to be on,” said Stevens,” I would consider it.”

Catch new episodes of Hell’s Kitchen on Monday and Tuesday nights on FOX.

Chef John Tesar sheds his doucheyness and becomes Extreme Chef winner. He can run 10 miles and cook in a corn field.

Last night John Tesar played a 53-year old geezer chef on a thrilling episode of Food Network’s Extreme Chef. He faced two younger chefs: Joe, a douchey New York dude who was once a private chef for Donald Trump; and Greg, a Portland chef who couldn’t cut it in medical school so he quit and went to the CIA.

Tesar was confident from the start. “I run 10 miles a day,” Tesar gloated. After that, he works all day and night. The competition took place on a 60-acre farm in Malibu Canyon and the premise had the chefs running all over the place to source ingredients.

HEARTY BREAKFAST was the segment. To obtain eggs, the chefs had to conquer a “crop-stical course” made of bales of hay formed into various tunnels and towers. Tesar, a virtual Jack LaLane, was first to the eggs (he picked duck!) and he won the first competition soundly with his ginger and duck egg French toast. (I think there was a fruit salad and some whiskey involved, but I can’t read my notes, and I refuse to rerun the show.) It only matters that when the Simon Cowell wannabe (and lookalike) host announced Tesar as the winner, Tesar took a modest Zen-like bow. Tesar is now the master of “the unconventional use of an egg.”

No, it’s not over. There are still 45 minutes left in the show. Here we go.

EXTREME CHALLENGE! Obnoxious host outlines new rules. Through the screeching music swollen with hundreds of violins, I hear him tell the chefs they have to harvest their own vegetables from the sprawling farm dotted with cute scarecrows. PLUS, they have to roll them around in a wheelbarrow. As winner of round one, or whatever they call it, Tesar not only gets to pick his protein, he has the power to decide what meat the other chefs get. Tesar shoves Joe the pork. (We hate Joe by now and are glad to see he gets the slowest cooking meat!) Sorry, I didn’t write down Dr. Greg’s protein.

The three chefs take off with their wheelbarrows. Tesar looks like he has been pushing one around his whole life. (hidden metaphor) Joe looks like a sweaty vegetable abuser as he rips a fistful of leeks from the ground and throws them into his hot wheelbarrow. Meanwhile, Dr. Greg seems content jumping through the fields. He stops at a row of purple carrots and exclaims, “Rad!” He lives in Portland. We let the comment slide.

Our man Tesar the geezer is first chef to the pantry! I don’t know what he got but he leaves with a devilish smile as he pushes his wheelbarrow towards the prep station. HOLD THE JOHN DEERES! Dr. Greg and his wheelbarrow are sprinting past Tesar toward the prep tables. Tesar suddenly looks 63. His glasses appear heavy and dusty. OH NO! However, poor douchey Joe has just arrived at the pantry! He curses as he pick through what is left. Even though he is losing, he walks back with the arrogance of Donald Trump. Putz.

All chefs are at their stations. WAIT! Something is missing. There are no utensils. No pots or pans. No microplanes. No immersion blenders. OH MY GOD. FIRST X FACTOR! To obtain cooking utensils, the chefs have to run through a dust storm. Huh? Yes, they brought in a bunch of industrial blowers and created a whirling cloud of dust. Like bandits with red and white bandanas covering their faces, the chefs disappear into the swirling dirt. We can barely see them as they rip through crates and grab whatever they can before they choke. None of them know what they have till they get back to the prep station. (I was on the edge of my couch for this!) Tesar scores in the dark: TWO saute pans AND a sauce pan. And a shovel? Oh well, he’s got the lamb. We’re so glad Joe has the slowest cooking protein and the worst pan he could have picked—a deep Dutch oven.

Tesar, ever the glutton for punishment, decides to do lamb three ways. (Old farm joke?) He’s cocky and confident at this point. He takes out the leg of lamb and carves tartare, carpaccio, and little medallions to roast. Cue the Now-Irritating Host: TWENTY FIVE MINUTES, CHEFS! NEXT X FACTOR.

First tight camera shot goes to Dr. Greg. I think he is going to cry. He is obviously wishing he’d become a urologist. Joe is stoic. He has perfected the hateful Trump stare. Tesar is ready to play. “YOU MUST PREPARE A DESSERT COURSE,” host dude screams over the violins. “YOU MUST USE MILK FROM A COW. AND YOU MUST MILK THE COW TO GET THE MILK.”

Of course, this involves running to the barn where the cows are waiting. Ever the teat man, Tesar takes a pail and milks away like a pro. Dr. Greg is handling his cow pretty well, too. Perhaps he should have considered gynecology.  Hateful Joe is standing beside his Elsie with  a look that would scare The Donald. “Um, we don’t have cows on the subway,” Joe says. Huh? This allegedly Michelin-star chef takes a stinking subway? Besides that, why would anyone expect to see a real cow on a subway platform in New York. I figure he lost his mind in the dust storm. For a split second my allegiance switches to Joe. I think he needs the 10 grand to pay for a shrink and a few cabs.

Then, as the song goes, the cow kicked it over and winked her eye at the pathetic chef from Trump Towers. “He kicked me,” Joe said. (I screamed from my couch, “It’s a SHE you dumb ass!”) It didn’t matter. Joe claims the cow kicked him. I rewound the tape three times. Ruling: Joe shoved the pail into the cow’s leg. The cow was simply reacting to being approached by an awkward New Yorker. There was no contact. “That’s it,” Joe, the douchey chef, says as he walks off. “I put safety first.”

Then comes my favorite moment of the show. From his little stool beside the cow, Tesar looks up to the camera and says, “Look, he’s crying like a baby.” This was not a Trump moment for Joe. “He’s toast!” we scream.

Sorry, this is getting too long. The rest of the show was pretty painful. We knew Joe was gone. The only tension remained between the good doctor from Portland and Farmer John. Tesar sang with confidence when he presented his dishes. He dazzled the judges with his lamb three ways and his raw milk and chocolate creme anglaise filled with berries. “Not bad for out in the field,” Tesar said with a smirl. (Half smile; half smirk) I forgot what Greg made but it had a lot of fresh vegetables in it and the judges loved it. Mr. Not-So-G.I. Joe tried to justify his existence as a real chef by saying, “I always put safety first in my kitchen.” Judges didn’t buy it. Joe was sent back to his stop on the C Line.

Yes, there is another round. SHOWDOWN! Greg v John! Greg tosses out a taunting challenge: “I can beat that old man.” Ouch. Now, Portland or no Portland, I don’t like him. His wretched twisty hair is starting to drive me nuts. I want to whirl it in my immersion blender. Anywhoo, the two chefs have to prepare “one bite on a silver spoon” using four hidden ingredients. Of course, they have to run after a moving flatbed truck and jump on the back to get to them. As the two chefs sprint behind the truck, I begin to doubt Tesar’s claim that he runs 10 miles a day. Greg jumps on the truck like Spiderman and breaks into the case containing corn, truffles, Kobe beef, and Brussels sprouts. Hold it. A miracle: Tesar’s right by his side!

They run back to the prep station. HOLY CRAP, BATMAN! They arrive to find only a blow torch, a clamp, and a saw to work with. Undaunted, Tesar heads to the pantry and picks up some eggs. My gosh he is so confident. He wipes his sweaty brow and gloats, “I am the egg man. You can cook anywhere if you know what you’re doing.”

The Beatles reference is lost on the bad doctor and struggling chef Greg. He’s too young. Plus he is very busy sawing the fat off the Kobe beef (huh?) which he plans to cook with fruit. Again, we grant him Portland status and wait with anticipation.

The show now makes a wretched attempt to create drama during THE TASTING AND JUDGING section. Obnoxious Host with his now- grating foreign accent, readies for his close-up: “Chefs, this was the longest day of your culinary lives,” he screams. We wait while the camera moves from Greg to John and back again. “And the winner is…” Again with the panning camera. “Chef John!”

As the defeated chef (and doctor) Greg heads down a row of crops into the culinary sunset, Chef John—Extreme Chef John—hits Obnoxious Host with a quick knuckle touch before raising his fists to the skies. “Fifty is the new 30,” Tesar says. “I am the Extreme Chef.”

–DELETE RECORDING–

The third annual event is set for next Sunday, May 22 from 4 to 8 pm, and will draw hundreds of homebrew lovers to the Bishop Arts district to sample some amazing homebrews.This year, organizers are adding the Backyard Burger Throwdown. Bring your own grill and 10 lbs. of meat and see if you’ve got what it takes to be named the Bishop Arts Backyard Burger Champ.

Last year, Blockhead Brewing Company won the People’s Choice Award, and St Canterbury Home Brew Club walked away with two prizes: Best Dark Ale and Best Pale Ale. This year’s homebrew judges will include for-real microbrewers as well as our own Todd Johnson.

jump for the categories…

Categories:

• Light Lager- Pilsner, Kolsch, Light Lager, Light Hybrids
• Dark Lager- Bock, Amber Lager, Dark Lager, Dark Hybrids
• Dark Ale- Porter, Stout, Brown Ale, Amber Ale
• IPA / Pale Ale- IPA, Pale Ale, ESB, Imperial IPA
• Specialty– Any category excluding the above Cider

Think you’ve got what it takes to face the local homebrew competition? Click here to register.

For everyone else: entry is $10. Dogs & kids welcome.