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Write a Caption: Win Some Cocoa from Nicaragua!

While I was in Nicaragua last week, I visited a remote field where workers were busy harvesting lovely yellow pods from cocao trees. I sat with them as they hacked the fruit open and extracted the seeds. Of course, I couldn’t resist sucking the delicious white pulp inside the pod and spitting the seeds at my fellow compadres. Delicious fun. More on that later.

Anywhoo, as the sun set, we headed to do some bird watching among the mangrove forests on the coast. (Tiger herons!) One of the guys on the trip, Jerry Garret, a writer for the New York Times, stayed behind and took this photo of us as we left the dock. He’s holding an unofficial caption contest with no prizes. I figured we’d have our own. Winner gets a bag of powdered cocoa (drinking chocolate) from a plantation outside of Leon, Nicaragua. (My entry was: “A pork in the river.”) GO!

Top Chef Handicapping with Wes Mantooth

Fan fave Kevin. Photo courtesy bravotv.com

Disher Wes Mantooth just sent me a love letter. “The D-Empire blogs are all boring as spit today,” he says. Anyway, he wants to talk about Top Chef, and I know there are several TC fans out there. His thoughts are below.

Top Chef is coming to a close. Who’s not going to make it? We’ve got 5 left: Kevin, Jennifer, Eli, and the Brothers. The easy call is that Jen and Eli both wind up packing their knives, but we’ve seen in the past that it only takes one little slip for an otherwise more-talented chef to get packing before their time was due, resulting in a less-talented poseur to take the crown (i.e. Josea). So, here’s my handicapping on who makes it to the Final Table:

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Pick The Winner: Name the Nicaraguan Hockey Team

I’ve just returned from four action-packed days in Nicaragua. More on the astonishing amount of street food I consumed later, but for now we must pick the winner of  the “Name A Hockey Team in Nicaragua Contest” we held last week.

Here are the contestants and their suggestions. Winner will receive a box of chocolate I bought from a chocolate plantation outside of the lovely city of  Leon, Nicaragua.

Worzel Gummidge:  Knights of The Iguana?
Brad:  The Icedinistas? (you see, it’s like Sandinistas, but the opposite because hockey is played on ice).
Shane: Chinandega Chupacabras, Managua Margays, Masaya Macaws (PICK ONE)
Amy S: The Stars?
Kirk: Club de Hockey de Managua, also known as Las Paletas.
Evan Grant: The Contras, El Presidentes, Whatever Vicente Padilla wants them to be called. (Nice try, he’s a traitor and therefore disqualified.)
restaurant jobs rhode island: Blazing Iguana Nicaragua. It symbolizes their food and culture combining at the same time.

Somebody Help This Poor Girl: Nicaragua

As soon as I found out that Managua, Nicaragua was a cheap, two-hour flight from Houston, I booked a quick trip. Tomorrow I head south and plan to hit Managua, San Juan del Sur, Granada, León, and, if it ever stops raining, a sustainable coffee farm in Selva Negra.

I am eager to find street stands selling Nicaraguan “weekend food” such as nacatamales: shredded pork, potatoes, garlic, peppers, and fresh tomato covered with masa and cooked in a banana leaf. I plan to do my Bourdain-best and hit every vendor in sight. I’ve consulted with Andrew Zimmern who recommends the roasted wild iguana and bull testicle ceviche, but if you’ve been to Nicaragua I’d love to hear your thoughts. (Extra points:  what is the perfect name for a hockey team in Nicaragua? Prize from Nicaragua to the winner. I’m looking at you , Kirk.)

Dallas Candy Corn War: Pick a Side and a Personality

Yesterday at 2:59 p.m., Dave “Fairies” Faries announced on City of Ate that he hated candy corn. At 4:29 p.m., Leslie “Catch a Falling Star” Brenner proclaimed, “Here at the Dallas Morning News, we love it.”

I’ve gotta go with Faries on this. That stuff is nasty. It tastes like wax-coated “sugar.” But if Dave Faries would ever talk to me, I’d like to ask him why he insists on doing these silly wine and “food” pairings. Why would you pair a wine with candy corn or Frito’s or other random junk food? I’m just curious.

However, Mr. Faries inspired me to explore the Internet and search for my identity. Here are the results.

According to this website, I am a Snickers Bar.

“You’re a nut. Like a Snickers bar. You like to be around people and you are friendly. You are a constant smile. Some people consider you overly energetic but if you stopped being so cheery, everyone would miss the real you.”

According to this website, I am a Sauvignon Blanc.

Engaging and energetic, you have a lot to offer the world – most of it they’ve never seen anywhere else! You are the type of person who carves your own path in life… and you invite everyone else to come along. The only thing predictable about you is that you could have anything up your sleeve. You’re all about sampling all of life’s experiences. Both the savory and unsavory ones.
Deep down you are: Laid back and young at heart
Your partying style: Anything goes… seriously!
Your company is enjoyed best with: Smoked meats or spicy food.

So, there you have me. What about you? La Brenner and Mr. Faries, I think it only fair you weigh in here. And Teegster, spit that candy corn out of your mouth and play. Anything goes!

Guessing Games With Andrew Chalk: WTF is This?

I love guessing games. Especially here on SideDish. It’s a great distraction from work and it drives my page views through the lower atmosphere. I was so happy when I opened an e-mail from SD reporter, Andrew Chalk. In it was a guessing game. So, here goes!

This is a picture of:
a)    A new building in the Arts District
b)    A modern sculpture
c)    A new $64 chocolate truffle from Noka
d)    Something caramelized
e)    All of the above
f)    None of the above
g)    Whatever I want it to be

Go for it. I’ll post another clue a little later in the day.

UPDATE: 3:09 p.m. Clue number 2.

UPDATE: DGirl takes the prize. Oh, we didn’t offer one! Whoopsie. Here’s Andrew:

It is indeed a cheese. Gjetost from Norway, also known as Brunost, is a semi-hard cheese made from cow and goat’s milk to which caramelization during boiling of the milk contributes an unforgettable brown color. The caramel is also evident in the taste which is nutty and creamy. It is usually cut with a cheese slicer in order to create thin strips as the taste is quite intense and the finish long-lived. I bought it for $15.90/lb at The Wooden Spoon in Plano. A store for all things Scandinavian except, on my last visit, the famous fetid shark. I settled for herring.

Dallas Restaurants: What Do We Need?

What kind of restaurant would Major Tony Nelson and Jeannie do in Dallas?

I was having a conversation with a “highly educated” person the other night and he said, “Dallas really needs a great burger place.” I was stunned. When I asked him what places he liked, he reeled off spots—Chips, Goff’s, Neighborhood Services—that were in his neighborhood. I asked him if he ever went out of his way to discover or try new places and he admitted that he didn’t really. He has now been downgraded to “somewhat intelligent.”  I mean talk about closed minded. (They don’t even melt the cheese at Goff’s.)

The inside-the-loop-outside-the-loop foodie argument drives me nuts. There is great food all over this area if you are willing to drive. But if you had one restaurant wish, what would you like to see in Dallas? I know what I want, it’s a fleet of these, STAT. Your turn.

Condeleezza Rice and Laura Bush Dine at Rise No. 1 in Dallas

Hmm. This dynamic duo was spotted, along with a table full of Secret Service agents, dining at Rise No. 1 in Inwood Village. What do you suppose they talked about?

The No Control Café in Japan

D online creative director and food lover Stephen Edmondson sends a link to an unusual café in Kashiwa, Japan– you have to eat what the person if front of you orders. Would you eat there? It could be a great way to get you out of your dining rut or the worst idea in the history of restaurants. I’d don’t know but it makes me want to go to Japan. They’ll eat anything. Horsemeat ice cream?  Yummers.

Beef Ribs vs. Pork Ribs in Dallas

Had a brief but interesting conversation over dinner last night about ribs. My rib-loving friend swears by pork ribs and casts off beef ribs as too dry. The last time I ate beef ribs was at Big Al’s Smokehouse on Lemmon Ave. How about you? Beef or pork; why and where?

Let’s Tell Restaurant Stories: Spill it Servers

Have you waited tables? If so, chances are you have enough juicy tales to fill a book. Here is one of my most memorable tables.

I was working at La Cave Wine Bar on Henderson and a man called ahead to reserve a table in the back of the room near the cellar. He said he was going to have a flower arrangement sent to the restaurant and he would like it placed on a table along with a champagne bucket filled with ice and a chilled bottle of Dom Perignon. He pre-selected a cheese and pate plate. “I don’t want my wife to have to think,” he said. “No problem sir,” I said. (Whoops.)

That evening the couple showed up on time. They were dressed to the nines. I can still see her silver sequined dress. She’d had her hair done by Mr. Larry across the street. She moved through the room and perfumed the air with the strong scent of Opium. The dapper gentleman pulled out her chair. They sat side-by-side. They held hands across the table. I moved in to open the Champagne. It was then that I noticed the 4X6 note cards on his lap. Pop! went the cork. She sliced a bite of aged Mimolette.

Jump with me. (more…)

Guessing Games: Identify This Chicken Fried Steak

You guys aren’t even CLOSE.

Okay, Dishers. Some of you are getting closer to naming the restaurant where this chicken fried steak is served. Currently, the initial post has 56 comments. Remember, the 67th commenter on any post wins a place at the table for a group dinner at The Grape. SO, do you want me to reveal this restaurant now or would you like to try a few more times. (PLEASE don’t run up the score, I can see you from the back end)

I’ll give you another clue: the Great Scott did not have it on his list. We are starting here at 56. Next comment is 57 and so forth. GO.

Former Dallas Restaurant Critics: Mary Brown Malouf

Mary Brown Malouf at my high school graduation.

I’ve been at my post here at D Magazine for 13 years. Sometime I wonder how many calories I have eaten; other times I wonder how many of those calories were actually worth ingesting. Restaurant reviewers eat more low-to-medium quality food than spectacular meals.

Anywhoo, in the post below, I mentioned Michael Hiller. He used to be a critic at the DMN. Over the years, I’ve seen lots of “critics” come and go. Anyone remember Betty Cook? Suzanne Hough (R.I.P)? Dave Faries? (Oh, he’s still here.) Or Mary Brown Malouf?

Mary was a real biyatch when she wrote dining reviews for the Dallas Observer. When she came to work at D in the late 90s, we became good friends. But Mary ditched D and Dallas and she’s now the Food and Travel editor at Salt Lake City Magazine. I just looked on their site and found a classic Mary Brown Malouf rant.  Gosh, I’m all nostalgic. Call me, Bill.

How about you? Who do you miss? Who do you love? Who do you hate?

Guessing Games: Identify This Chicken Fried Steak

This chicken fried steak was consumed on Sunday night. Have you tried it? Do you know where it is served? You can check this list or this one for clues. There’s a prize at the end of the tunnel. (Scott, you are not eligible for contest.)

Dallas Observer 2009 Best of Dallas® Food List: What do You Think?

Please don’t sue me for using your cover art.

I’m stuck at home in my little glass house. I see a few pebbles on the floor and I think I will toss them.

I just scanned through the Dallas Observer’s 2009 Best of Dallas® Food list. It reminds me of that Who song. What is it, Kirk? Something about the new boss and the old boss? YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Bomp, bomp, bomp. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Dave Fairies, I have a quick question: Does the Observer repeat “Bests” if, when the next year rolls around, no one else  fills the category as “Better®?” (That’s mine, dude.)  This is a serious question and I ask it because I have to deal with the beast of ‘Bests” and understand the difficulty at uncovering them. So, Mr. Fairies, do you roll over “Bests” from year to year by moving them into different categories or because they are the “Best” of their original category? Let’s go through the list together and see. Jump with me. It’s not far. (more…)

Somebody Help This Poor Girl: Italian Restaurant in Irving

Hear her plea:

Could you possibly recommend a restaurant in Irving, possibly Italian, for an important business lunch?

Y’all, hit it.

Don’t Cook Tonight: Pig Out With Us

See Evan Grant? In the photo, he is literally pigging out on Italian pork products in a small restaurant in San Gusme, Italy. Tonight, Mr. Grant will also be pigging out on Italian pork products and more at Nonna. Those pork products, along with the pici pasta and stuffed squash blossoms pictured below, inspired execuchef Julian Barsotti’s menu for tonight’s SideDish SupperClub at Nonna. A few people canceled this morning. If you’re in the mood for a first class Tuscan supper, join us. 214-521-1800.

Stuffed squash blossoms made by me and Karen. (She'll be there too!)

Pici pasta will be served! Great Scott!

Bailey’s Prime Plus Opened Last Night. Leslie Brenner is First Customer in the Door.

Continuing her search for world-class dining in Dallas, DMN dining critic Leslie “Catch a Falling Star” Brenner (finally) found a baked potato at a local steak restaurant. After visiting the Cedar Hill location of Bailey’s Prime, La Brenner was more than disappointed to find only baked sweet potatoes on the menu. Owner Ed Bailey obviously paid attention to Brenner—last night the new Bailey’s Prime Plus on Park Lane near Northpark made its debut and right there on the menu was a big ‘ol baker with all of the trimmings. “Leslie was the first one through the door,” said Misty, a made up name for a hostess at Bailey’s. “She demanded a center booth, a baked potato, and a map of the world.” Extra! Extra! Read all about it.

Restaurant for Sale in Dallas

Occasionally I peruse the commercial real estate listings for restaurants on the market. Today, Disher “TLS”, points us to this site.

Well established 18+ years, diner for sale in Dallas, located in a popular shopping district. Open 6 days a week Monday thru Friday 6am to 8pm Saturday 6am to 3pm Sunday closed. We serve breakfast, lunch & dinner that has been written up in such periodicals as: “D magazine, Dallas Morning News, Chanel 5 news, The Observer, and many other smaller publications” for being a great place to come and get some down home cooking food. We seat 160, and many times are at capacity with a line out the door. Staff is kind and courteous, and many have been here since the opening of the store 18 years ago creating many regular customers. Owner is wanting to move closer to his family who live too far away for a commute.

Oh time consuming guessing games. Love them. Let’s see, opened in September of 1991…I’d say the “kind staff” alone is worth $800,000.

Best Chocolate Cake in Dallas? Take Two

Dishers, you failed to guess the origin of the chocolate cake in the picture. You want a clue? I have a prize burning a hole in my pocket. Lemme see: look at the picture, not the cake.

Best Chocolate Cake in Dallas?

Last October I posted a picture of a tall chocolate cake and asked Dishers to name their favorite chocolate cake. The cake I pictured came from Nick & Sam’s. I’m still searching through the list and looking for the best and came across this one. Have you eaten this cake? Can you tell me where it’s from? There is a prize somewhere on my desk waiting for you…

Il Cane Rosso’s Jay Jerrier Is Totally ’80s On ShopTalk

Eric Stoltz in Some Kind of Wonderful: just one of my '80s crushes.

Yesterday, over on ShopTalk (our sister blog about shopping, fashion, beauty, and other fun stuff), Rhonda Reinhart asked people to submit photos of themselves from the 1980’s. There might even be a prize for the best (worst?) photo. The example she used is of Eric Celeste, and it is pretty amazing. Okay, okay, what does this have to do with food? Jay Jerrier of Il Cane Rosso submitted his photo this morning. It.Is.Awesome. And there’s even some Ratt involved. Is it better than Eric’s? Discuss. And please, submit your own, if you dare.

What is For Lunch Today?

Some people think my dog Lulu is hot.

I am starving, oddly, for a hot dog. There used to be a great place called Poochie’s on Lovers and Greenville. Then there was Big D Dog. Why are there no hot dog shops in Dallas? I want one right now. It would make us a world-class city for sure. (Couldn’t help it…)

State Fair of Texas: New Food Fight

The finalists for the Fifth Annual Big Tex Choice Awards were announced yesterday. A panel of three judges will decide Best Taste and Most Creative winners on Labor Day.

Perhaps we should have our own little voter’s poll below. Let’s Ranch It Up for these tasty tidbits. Or submit one of your own. Go crazy. Be creative–let’s try for 67 comments. K? Go.
Real Contestants:

Green Goblins – Cherry peppers are hollowed out, stuffed with spicy shredded chicken and guacamole, then battered and deep fried. Served three to a skewer and topped with queso.
Deep Fried Butter – 100% pure butter is whipped till light and fluffy, then specially sweetened with a choice of several flavors. The tantalizing mixture is surrounded by a special dough and quick fried. Served on a stick.
Twisted Yam on a Stick – A delicious, towering, spiral-cut sweet potato on a 13” skewer is fried to a delicate crispy texture, then gently rolled in butter and dusted with cinnamon and sugar.
Fernie’s Deep Fried Peaches & Cream – Sweet juicy peaches are coated in a delicious batter of cinnamon, ginger, coconut, graham cracker crumbs, eggs & milk, then deep fried to a crunchy golden brown on the outside, while luscious and sweet on the inside. Served on a plate drizzled with raspberry sauce and sprinkled with streusel topping & a dollop of whipped cream. A side of vanilla butter cream icing is provided for dipping.
Texas Fried Pecan Pie – A mini-pecan pie is battered and deep fried to a golden brown. Served drizzled with rich caramel sauce, then topped with whipping cream and chopped candied pecans.
Country Fried Pork Chips – Thin sliced pork loin is seasoned, surrounded by a tasty corn meal batter and deep fried. Served with sides of ketchup or cream gravy.
Sweet Jalapeno Corn Dog Shrimp – Shrimp on a stick is coated with a sweet and spicy corn meal batter, then deep fried to a golden brown and served with a spicy glaze.
Fried Peanut Butter Cup Macaroon – A peanut butter cup is wrapped inside a coconut macaroon fried and dusted with powdered sugar. Also available with a scoop of Blue Bell ice cream.

Guessing Games: The Winners of The Grape “Free Burger” Gift Certificates

Some people think this is the best burger in Texas.

Listen up: Monday, Brian Luscher of The Grape offered 10 gift certificates to the first ten commenters to this post.

If you are Tx2Step, Elena34, Kyle, Ash, Melody, DarnellErwinFletcher, CD, MaggieP, Chuck, or Erik, e-mail me with contact information so that I can get the certificates to you.