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Articles about Bad Names For Restaurants List

Restaurants America Strikes Again: Central Standard to Open in The Dallas Design District


Team, I mean Restaurants America has landed in Dallas and is now spreading their mighty wings across the city. The multi-concept restaurant company operates seven brands and about 20 restaurants in Illinois, Texas, and Florida. In Dallas, they operate Primebar in Uptown, Townhouse Kitchen + Bar in North Dallas, and the soon-to-open Park Tavern across from Bailey’s Prime Plus on Park Lane. (Avner Samuel has confirmed he will not be the chef at any of these restaurants.) Recently, RA leased the space formerly known as Vapiano in Mockingbird Station. (I have it on good authority that concept will not be called Nosh Euro Bistro. I can’t confirm that Cafe Med has been ruled out. However, Mockingbird Taproom seems to be on the leader board.)

Today comes word: Restaurant America is putting a gastro sports pub in the Design District. It will be called Central Standard. Note to RA: you should have called the restaurant in Mockingbird Station Central Standard, IJS. No matter what they call it, the space is located in the ground floor of 1400 Hi Line, a 23-story, 314-unit multifamily project that is expected to open this summer and be completed in early 2013. Central Standard is expected to open in Fall 2012.

The press release says nothing about the food. Which begs the question: what is a gastro sport? Followed by:  what is gastro sports food? Balls? Wings? Ducks? Oh the possibilities are endless.

posted by Nancy Nichols | May 18th, 2012 3:04pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Keep Dallas Douchey!, Openings, Restaurant News, restaurant business news | 6 Comments »

Oh No! Say It Isn’t So! Nana Will Turn Into A Contemporary Steakhouse Called Sēr

“Hey, honey I’m in the mood for a good steak tonight. Where should we go?”

“How about Sēr’s?”

“No, I don’t want a new washing machine, I want a cowboy rib-eye. Why would I want to go to Sears?”

Okay, it needs a lot of workshopping but so does the name Sēr. That is the name of the new steakhouse replacing Nana in the Hilton Anatole. Sēr is set to open on October 1, 2012.

If a restaurant name is sent out in a press release and followed by “(pronounced “sear”),” I can tell you there will be trouble. Names should be easy to read and say. A customer should be able to glance at the name, style of font, and get an idea of what they are to expect.

Contemporary marketing people: We are stupid. Asador may be a great restaurant, but it doesn’t sound like one. We like our names simple. Even CampO Modern Bistro can be shortened to as CampO’s. Nobody has to pronounce that silly big O. What would have been wrong with Nana’s Steakhouse? You could have combined some tradition along with your fancy  “open, airy layout that is both casual and sophisticated. Warm cognac and whiskey leathers, locally sourced end-grain mesquite walls and community tables, rich mesquite floors and solid walnut tabletops create a masculine, yet hip and urban feel. A chef’s table and wine display will be an intimate destination adjacent to the exhibition kitchen. And, of course, its stunning views make it unique among its competitors.”

Sēr that! Full press release below. (more…)

posted by Nancy Nichols | April 10th, 2012 7:26pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Openings, Restaurant News, Steakhouses, restaurant business news | 12 Comments »

Chicken Scratch and The Foundry to Open in Oak Cliff

How long before Oak Cliff secedes from Dallas county to form their own little republic? Think how cool that would be for the business folk: the restaurateurs and funky food shops could make their own rules, they could charge a toll to enter and exit, and fine customers not wearing flannel.

Obviously either Tim Byres, Christopher Jeffers, or Chris Zielke (or all three!) would rule the roost. Today the triumvirate announced two more projects. The owners of Smoke and Bar Belmont took over the 3-acre plot of land that used to be Jack’s Backyard. (Fort Worth Avenue and Pittman St.) First up: Chicken Scratch, a family-friendly restaurant serving—wait for it—“cast-iron fried and wood-fired rotisserie chicken with wholesome handmade sides.” It’s “slow fast food.” (Wouldn’t it be fast slow food? I’ll leave that one for someone else like Jack Perkins.)

Next door to The Scratching Chicken, I mean Chicken Scratch, will be The Foundry. Sounds serious, right? Nope. The Foundry will be a bar offering simple drinks. (Drama! Do I sense a struggle between mixolgists v bartenders?) The drinks with be simple and strong. (I could say something about my ex-husband here but I’ll let it pass.) There will be beer—lots of drafts and bottles and microbrews plus “usual suspects.” Affordable! Live music! And, if they can swing it: the property will be able to “host food and merchandise trucks, drive-in movies, and other community themed events.”

The Foundry is scheduled in early January 2012 and Chicken Scratch “soon after.” (I still think they should have named it Petticoat Junction. Wouldn’t you eat chicken at the Shady Rest? Such a duh.)

Trending: “Scratch” in a restaurant name, fried chicken, and regular bartenders without pork pie hands and mutton chops.” Somebody get me a Realtor.

posted by Nancy Nichols | December 14th, 2011 9:47am | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Bring it!, Cult Cuisine, Hippie revolutions, I'm a sucker for a man in flannel, Local/Slow Food, Mixology is fancy for bartender, Openings, Restaurant News, Rewritten Press Releases, Trending, beer, chickens, cocktails, oak cliff, youthful spontaneous restaurants | 12 Comments »

Smiling Moose Deli to Hit Dallas Like a Pack of Mules

I’ve seen a lot of moose and, guess what, they don’t smile. They’re ornery, awkward and introverted. Like most animals, the male gets the better outfit: bulls are adorned with spectacular racks (antlers) while the cows (females) look like ugly donkeys. But I’m off target.

A Smiling Moose has been spotted in Carrollton. It is a deli and the first location of the Colorado-based sandwich shop in the DFW area. If Dallas-based real estate broker and managing partner of Racalico, llc, Jennifer Frank has her way, there will be 12 Smiling Moose in Dallas and 50 in Texas. Here’s the menu.

UPPITY DATE: Fun procrastination! Find out if you are a moose! I took the test and I am a crocodile. You?

posted by Nancy Nichols | November 29th, 2011 10:03am | filed under AgriBusiness, Bad Names For Restaurants List, Delis, Openings, Restaurant News | 10 Comments »

An Open Letter to Chef DAT

Dear Chef DAT,

Who are you? I’ve been getting press releases from you for a long time but for the life of me I can’t remember meeting you. I do understand that you live underground and you cook a lot there as well, but do you ever actually come out during the day?

You talk funny. I mean, you write funny. You “sound” like you are totally hip and in with all of the IN people which explains a lot about our relationship. It’s so cool that you are throwing a birthday party for yourself on October 23! You must have lots of friends! Three LIVE bands, CAJUN food, and BYOB! Totally bitchin’. And Thursday, you only have 20 seats left for your super secret dinner in Deep Ellum. Have you done the math? Do you think you can get that many people under the ground in Deep Ellum? It must be so freakin’ dark, dude. Six courses for $66? That dinner is like so effin’ New Testament! And payable in “unmarked, untraceable cash only”? Brilliant.

Keep it up and maybe you’ll get your own restaurant one day. Oh, wait. My spirit is shaking. I’m getting an incoming subliminal message from, wait…oh…I can’t quite make out the voice, I can only hear pigs squealing. Oh, now  it’s clear. It’s  Steven Doyle LIVE from the State Fair. He says you have a “concept portfolio”  for a future restaurant called Twenty-Seven. Far out, it sounds so Satanic! Will you take American Express? Awesome. Keep us posted.

Good luck,

Nancy Nichols

posted by Nancy Nichols | October 11th, 2011 3:06pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Celebrity Chefs, Celebrity Diners, Cult Cuisine, Dancing, Drinking, Food is art. Art is Food., Hippie revolutions, Hole in the wall, I Went to College for This?, Nutjobs, Openings, Really?, Restaurant News, Rewritten Press Releases, Slow News Day, Steven Doyle, UpsideDown Restaurants, make mine a double, questionable behavior, questionable judgment, youthful spontaneous restaurants | 43 Comments »

What Would Happen if Women Opened Restaurants With Male Body Parts as Themes

‘Scuse me while I saddle up my high horse. Am I the only woman who is concerned about the sudden surge in Breastaurants. I mean really 35 additional Twin Peaks? A bar opening in downtown called The Spread Eagle? Seriously boys? How would you like to take your daughter into one of the restaurant’s the gals in our office just conceptualized. We call them Peteries.

Hunky Town, Twin Pricks, Tooter’s, Pecker’s Hot Italian Sausage, Tube Steak Junction, Cake Balls to the Walls, Nuts and Butts, Quickies, Long Dong Silver, Tally Whacker’s, Love Mussels, Wee Willie’s, Twig and Berries.

Ladies, the floor is open.

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 23rd, 2011 2:12pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Best Gay Hangout Restaurant Evah!, Bring it!, Cheap trick for comments, ChirpyChirpy, Dog Friendly, Drinking, Goats!, Hole in the wall, I Went to College for This?, I'm about to get fired, Keep Dallas Douchey!, Merguez Sausage Hunt, Murmur, Newfangled condiments, Not-so-skinny bitches, Nutjobs, Overprivileged chimps, Procrastination is part of the creative process, Rants, RudeDudes, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Slow News Day, Spicy foods, Yum is Dumb, breastaurants, cupcakes, hostess gifts, questionable judgment, restaurant business news, youthful spontaneous restaurants | 53 Comments »

Opera-Free Shopping at Eatzi’s For One Week

Eatzi’s has decided to change their music for a few weeks. My ears are so happy. I have nothing against opera music, but when those sopranos hit the high notes while I’m wait for a roasted chicken to get quartered, my cochleas recoil. The opera music will return next week.

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 19th, 2011 9:56am | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Breaking News, Dog Friendly, Groceries, Overprivileged chimps, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, hostess gifts | 5 Comments »

Chef Tony Gardizi Rides Again: Café Mykonos in Plano

Café Mykonos, a “European restaurant with a Greek influence,” is, according to their website, undergoing a facelift. This morning comes word from their head surgeon, chef Tony Gardizi. You remember Tony. He’s cheffed at Vino and Basso, Guthrie’s, Bali Bar, Mi Piaci, and Capriccio Ristoranti. Most recently he went down with the ship at Decanter Restaurant in Bishop Arts. Chef Gardizi’s new menu at Café Mykonos rolls out today.

UPITTY DATE: Gardizi said the new menu is locally sourced New American. It will not be Greek at all.

Jeez, I forgot to mention Vueve. You remember Vueve and Club Nine7Two. The Champagne company got upset and they had to change their name to Vue. There was a miniature Trevi Fountain in the dining room and Gardizi attempted to create Global Cuisine? If you don’t remember, Heather will show you around.

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 12th, 2011 10:56am | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Nostalgia, Peripatetic chefs, Restaurant News | 4 Comments »

Lewisville, Texas: Home to Breastaurant Row?

Our fab food photographer Kevin Marple is out and about today. He just made a brilliant observation. He says Hooters, Twin Peaks, Tilted Kilt, and Redneck Heaven are all within 1 mile of each other on I-35 in Lewisville. Breastaurant Row!

posted by Nancy Nichols | August 4th, 2011 1:20pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, I Went to College for This?, Really?, Restaurant News, Slow News Day, beer | 6 Comments »

Brittany Wilkerson Crowned Miss Twin Peaks 2011

The full press release is below the fold. I haven’t read it, I just looked at the pictures. Twin Peaks, a Dallas-based breasteraurant, that features attractive waitresses, excuse me, Twin Peak Girls. I guess they had a contest because they have picked a winner. You can read the press release below.

Here is my question: Brittany is a lovely girl but don’t you think the winner of Miss Twin Peaks would, how do I say this, have significant peaks? Okay, sorry. I’m a big fat procrastinator promoting sexism.

(more…)

posted by Nancy Nichols | July 29th, 2011 11:11am | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Copy/Paste Press Release, I Went to College for This?, Keep Dallas Douchey!, Silly Reasons to Celebrate, Skinny bitches, Slow News Day, beer, questionable judgment | 7 Comments »

Park Restaurant Sold and Gets a New Bad Name

A few weeks ago, I actually made a phone call and reported the closure of Park Restaurant. Short story shorter: Owner Donald Chick sold the place to Peter Kenny, owner of Capitol Pub. Today, Teresa Gubbins digs deep in the dirt and reveals Mr. Kenny has already come up with new names for both Park and its sibling, Bar Celine. Park will now be Swig. Really? “Hey gang, let’s go to Swig for brunch?” Doesn’t work for me.

Meanwhile, Bar Celine will be called The Gin Mill. I love gin so I won’t complain about that. However, Swig is going on my Bad Names for Restaurants List. Right beside our this place. Teresa has more important stuff here. (Asador, really chaps my sass.) Moving on.

posted by Nancy Nichols | July 8th, 2011 2:02pm | filed under Bad Names For Restaurants List, Closings, Murmur, Openings, Procrastination is part of the creative process, Pub Concepts, Really?, Restaurant News, Skinny bitches, Social-this; social-that, party, questionable judgment | 7 Comments »