[Sorry this is late. I keep getting distracted because Paul Qui is posting creepy photos of fish here and here on Twitter. Yeeea, Paul, I "sea" you.]

It’s down to the three amigos: Pretty Paul, Stinky Sarah, and Lame Lindsay.

Good thing Bev’s gone because this trio has to cook Asian food inside Vancouver’s Chinatown for the Quickfire Challenge. “Asian food is not my forte,” says Sarah. Naw, really? All I’ve seen you do is make pasta and fish. You are lucky Bev isn’t here to whoop you with some of her braised short ribs.

Jump for more cans of whoop @$$.

Part Uno: Quickfire Challenge

The judges bring in Top Chef Masters Anito Lo, Floyd Cardoz, and Takashi Yagihashi to help the three remaining chefs cook inside Bao Bei Chinese Brasserie (translation: “My Precious Treasure Chinese Brasserie”… horrible, horrible name). Each Asian master is paired with one of the cheftestants, and they must take turns cooking inside the kitchen for a total of 40 minutes without consulting each other on their Asian-influenced dish. Even though Sarah loves Takashi so much that she starts bawling the moment she sees him, she’s stuck with Floyd C., a Master who’s never won a Quickfire challenge. Too bad for Sarah because Paul gets Takashi, which is truly a match made in Japanese food heaven. Lindsay and Anita pair off, but we don’t really care about them…

With an “okie dokie” from Takashi, the teams are off and running. Seriously, could Takashi’s accent get any cuter? I DON’T THINK SO.

Linita (Lindsay/Anita) cook a scallop in three parts with bok choy, chili, and roe. Pashi (Paul/Takashi) decide on a mirugai, which is a geoduck (not a clam, Paul), but the Uchiko execuchef adds too much spice at the end. Sloyd (Sarah/Floyd), the underdogs, are on the same wavelength and whip up a nice coconut curry with crab, even though Sarah’s “comfort level with curry is a zero.” Despite her initial discomfort with the challenge, Sarah ends up taking home the $20,000 grand prize, and Floyd wins his first Quickfire ever. We’re happy for Floyd, but Sarah really needs to pack her knives and go in the next elimination round.

Part Dos: Elimination Challenge

The producers at BRAVO probably got a ton of crap for holding the last Top Chef: Texas episodes in British Columbia, so they decide to incorporate Texas back into the show….gee, thanks. Each chef has to create one dish and one cocktail for the Fire and Ice Cocktail Party where 150 of Vancouver’s elite will gather to try dishes that have a fire (Texas weather) and ice (not Texas weather) component. Within five hours, the cheftestants have to brilliantly whip up a dish that’ll impress the judges AND feed a small country. “It’s gonna be a shit show,” says Paul.

The three amigos are definitely in the weeds. While Lindsay’s juicing her tomatoes, she says, “I think if I literally cut my fingers off, I’d keep going.” Can anyone else smell the desperation? Sarah, though, is off in her corner, making pasta from scratch and smack-talking like the stink bomb she is. Even her closest friend on the show, Lindsay, isn’t safe when Sarah says that Lindsay’s “playing it safe” with her halibut over celery remoulade.

Part Tres: The Judges’ Table

Surprisingly, Sarah turns out to be right for the first time in her life. Lindsay’s tomato-themed dinner didn’t impress the judges conceptually, while Sarah’s Agrumi cocktail did. The frozen sauce on top of Sarah’s cannoli stuffed with five greens, however, prevented her from taking home the trip to Costa Rica for two. Paul’s play on lobster bouillabaisse with king crab wins him (and his girlfriend, probably) a tour of fair trade coffee in South America. What a lucky man.

Everyone’s sad that Lindsay has to go home, but really, Sarah’s quite happy on the inside. “I always knew it would be me versus Paul,” she gushes. Wow, Sarah, you’re the biggest sneak. I hope you also know that Paul’s going to beat your pasta-making self in the finale. Bring. It. On.

I don’t know if I told you, but I have a thing for donuts.  Maybe that’s a bit of an understatement.  But it’s rare, in this city, to find a place that is willing to push the limits when it comes to these tasty morsels of fried dough and sugar (obvious exceptions excluded).  Therefore, any donut news is good news in my book, and any upstart entrepreneur that is daring enough to risk their livelihood, families, pets, and entire life’s savings on the humble donut is A-OK with me.

When the buzz around Denton Square Donuts began to surface a number of months ago, I was intrigued to say the least.  The obviously non-traditional shape of these donuts is enough to rouse one’s attention, but most donuteers will recall similarly shaped offerings at the mighty Doughnut Plant in NYC.  The toppings which adorn DSD’s baked goods are also enough to get the salivary juices flowing: Brie with Apricot Jelly, Cream Cheese and Jalapeno Jelly, Apple Pie, and the nearly-ubiquitous Bacon and Maple.  Yet still, some may argue that places like Hypnotic, Gourdoughs in Austin, and Voodoo in Portland have been offering up equally ambitious donuts for years.

(L-to-R: The Samoan, Lemon, Apple Pie)

Still, there is enough originality and adventure at Denton Square Donuts to justify a mini-excursion to this quaint corner of the world know as Denton Square.  Undoubtedly, the most chatter/uproar/praise is likely to stem from the unorthodox texture of these donuts.  Indeed, to say that they more closely mirror a baked turnover is not a far cry.  One should not expect the golden greasy bits of fried dough we have all come to expect from a donut (mind you, I am in love with these golden grease traps).  Instead, Denton Square’s are baked up light and flakey, but still sweet and tender.  Jellies, creams, and icings are made with love and each donut is hand-crafted with care.

Of the handful of items on the menu board, I sampled as many as I thought my stomach could handle (and he gave it a pretty solid performance, I must say). I quickly fell in love with the “Samoan” with vanilla icing, toasted coconut, chocolate chips and caramel bits.  The “Cinnamon Doughst” was also a pleaser, with creamy vanilla frosting, vanilla glaze, and a sprinkle of cinnamon/sugar, all complementing the lightness of the donut perfectly.  The Bacon Maple was well executed and incorporated the much-loved combination of salty and sweet admirably.

Although DSD’s rendition of this classic American comfort food could never replace my beloved standard fried version, it’s nice to know that after a night of grease-drunk debauchery, filled with fried bubblegum, fried butter, and fried salsa, one can wake up to the lighter side of breakfast and still go home a happy camper.

Denton Square Donuts

208 W Oak Street

Denton, TX

UPPITY DATE: Hmm, I hear they are taking over the Confusion space. Chefs will be familiar…

UPPITY DATE: False on space. True on chefs.

This morning, however, Steven Doyle reported this even more interesting (and par for the course) quote from the wild life of Mr. T:

“We closed The Table but we are about to open it back up again. It will be called One Art. The One Art is about the art of being a chef. There will be two seating’s, five nights a week. Much like Ad Hoc. There will be 3 courses or more. It will cost a flat $55. Everything farm to table and local as humanly possible. Less reliant on foie and truffles.”

So, there you have it. Let loose.

The glasses aren't the only thing that's sweating. Ball and Chain (left) and Belleview (right) cocktails at The Cedars Social.

In her June review of The Cedars Social, Nancy described house mixologist Michael Martensen as someone who, “has spent the last eight years redefining cocktails as a culinary art, and his thoughtful, exhaustive drink menu at The Cedars Social celebrates almost 100 years of drinking… ‘It’s a cocktail den. It’s all about imbibing. We don’t have olives or Red Bull, and we don’t make dirty martinis. We need people to get out of their comfort zone.’”

Given that breaking out of my comfort zone is my favorite hobby, I called some pals to meet me for a cocktails-only visit last Friday afternoon/evening. There, at the corner of Lamar and Belleview, we lucked into some threadbare velour chairs in the bar area, ordered some cheese, and settled in for the long haul.

jump to read how things went so very very wrong…

Of the Pre-Prohibition, Prohibition, Re-Peal, The Usual Suspects, and Tribute Cocktails on the menu, we settled on the following: The Ball & Chain, Belleview, Moscow Mule, Ruby’s Kiss, and Ball & Chain sans spice. True to the promise, these Pre-Prohibition era drinks were fresh, spirited, and unusual, most notably the effervescent Moscow Mule, which borrowed its personality from a heady (and pleasant) dose of what appeared to be ginger ale.

But, what started as a loose, unscientific tasting became an exercise in misery. As the minutes wore on, the temperature climbed. We deduced that the setting sun coming in through the window was the problem, so when a table opened up in a shady corner we hopped over. No respite. As the minutes wore on, what was once pleasant became painful. It became clear that the room was just hot. We asked a passing server if the AC was down. No, she said, this is pretty normal.

That was at 6:45. By 7:30 my sleeveless summer frock and my friend’s polo shirt were soaked with sweat. One of our trio pulled a folding fan from her purse (brilliant), snapped it open, and began fanning herself and us in turns. When her wrist tired, we took turns fanning each other. The game of pass-the-fan stopped being novel around 8:o0, at which point we looked like we’d just come back from a run, and threw in the towel.

True to Martensen’s promise, I was well out of my comfort zone, just not in the way I had expected.

So, here are my questions:

A. Is the absence of air conditioning part of the prohibition-era milleu?

B. Is their unit just not beefy enough to cool the space?

C. Are they keeping the setting high to keep overhead low?

D. Can anyone else testify to this experience?

I loved the retro lounge feel of the room, enjoyed the drinks, and wanted to take our spunky waitress (and her fingernail stickers) home with me. But I have to admit, it will be a cold day in Dallas before I head down there again. Yes, I’ll ride that Moscow Mule again, but not until the fall.

My new boss’ wife thinks it’s kicky and bohemian to announce spontaneous cocktails and dinners at their house. The latest of which is tonight. I just received an email saying we should all come by for TGIF BBQ. For the record, if you don’t actually work, you can’t claim TGIF rights. But I digress. Even though she’ll have the whole mess catered, it’s frowned upon if you don’t bring a special treat to share. As this is last minute, I have no time to cook something. Can anyone suggest a good takeout salad, side, or dessert that will be yummy with BBQ but not break the bank? Thanks!

Now, I loves the bacon, and I have no doubt that the $2 Tecate and Firemans No. 4 will pair well with the salt and grease. But for god’s sake, man, think about the quantities, the gluttony, the greasy fingers (visual proof of when you have one too many and start to play grab-a@* with that cute guy from sales).

I’m thinking that Avila’s self-proclaimed “fun, festive, family” vibe is about to see some seriously questionable pork-themed behavior. There’s only one way to find out.