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Meat Fight Destroys Many Local Colons While Raising More Than $100,000 To Fight MS

On Saturday, the day before Meat Fight, an email was sent to everyone who’d bought a ticket. It read: “Just a reminder that the event is in a warehouse, and we will not have heat inside it. The temperature outside will be cold. We want to encourage you to wear coats, gloves and meat hats to stay warm.” It was indeed chilly yesterday in the big green warehouse in Trinity Groves where Meat Fight 2014 went down. You know what, though? Chilly is exactly how you want it when you’re stuffing your face with delicious smoked meats and Knob Creek. And once all 750 carnivores in attendance got their jaws moving, anyone wearing a meat hat would have put his head in jeopardy.

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You Already Know This, But Meat Fight Is Sold Out

Were you one of the lucky people who were able to snatch up some Meat Fight tickets? I was. Pow! In your face, you people who didn’t get tickets! And, yes, media types have to buy tickets, too. That stingy Alice Laussade doesn’t give out any press passes. Something about 100 percent of ticket proceeds going to MS research. Whatever. Anyway, I thought I’d break down for you some numbers on this event:

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LYFE Kitchen Needs To Go Back to SKOOL

Perhaps you’ve heard of the newly opened LYFE Kitchen on McKinney Avenue. A whole bunch of smart people are behind the national chain, but I’m guessing not a one of them has a degree in English. LYFE, you see, is an acronym. It stands for the restaurant’s slogan, which is “love your food everyday.” They were so proud of that phrase that they trademarked it. Only problem: it doesn’t make sense. The word “everyday” is an adjective that means daily or commonplace. What they need for that phrase was an adverb. “Love your food every day.” Two words. Either that, or they need to change their name to LYFED.

Until this issue is resolved, I’m not eating there.

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FD Magazine Is a Lying Liar Magazine That Prints Lies

Please take a moment to look at page 46 of the current Morning News-produced luxury free magazine called FD (nee FD Luxe). I’ve provided a picture of that page here, for your convenience. If, like me, you have fortysomething eyes that don’t see so good, you can open the image in a new window and read the type more easily. But I’m here to help. The title of the story is “The $30,000 Dinner.” Here’s what the subhead says: “Restaurant critic Leslie Brenner blows the cost of a small Mercedes on the most expensive meal in Dallas.”

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Doritos Loaded Are the Next Generation of Snacking

There is a thing. Or things. They are called Doritos Loaded. Imagine a fried wedge of cheese, only the batter-crust is made of crushed Doritos. Then imagine putting them in your mouth. And know that as you chew them, you will hate yourself because they are essentially a plot point from Idiocracy and each one is 90 calories (6 grams of fat, 270 milligrams of sodium), which means that a serving of four will put 360 calories into your belly, with an accompanying 1,080 milligrams of sodium. And that’s a snack. When they come out with the meal version of the Doritos Loaded, presumably it will be 7,000 calories and offer enough salt to hang your dried carcass on a tree limb.

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Goodfriend Will Soon Open for Lunch, Offer New Menu

First, full disclosure. I live within walking distance of Goodfriend Beer Garden & Burger House. Accordingly, I have become acquainted with the bearded jokers who own the joint, Matt Tobin and Josh Yingling. I am in the tank for them and have written previously about how their bar/restaurant has changed my neighborhood. I wrote that the “trinity of gustatory hipness in a building that not long ago housed a biker bar and a hair salon whose business model included selling drugs to customers who placed their orders from an adjacent carwash [was] the impetus for openings all along the territory that lies on the sleepier side of White Rock Lake.” So not only am I enamored of the place, but I just quoted myself. You should probably ignore the rest of this post. Unless you live in East Dallas and care about earth-shattering, life-changing news. To wit:

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