Burger Madness: Does Patty Size Matter?

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Glory Days: My first upside down burger at Maple and Motor.

Anyone remember the TV ad with the little old lady who, when handed a giant bun, flips open the top and screeches, “Where’s the beef?”  It was the mid-80s and burger chains were growing faster than algae in August. The Wendy’s where’s-the-beef campaign was wildly successful. Fast food customers demanded larger patties.

Now the market is flooded with gourmet half-pound slabs of meat. Most of the people I know prefer thick patties inches larger than the bun. I do not. I am obsessed with the meat-condiment-bun ratio. I prefer them to be of equal proportion:  A little bun, mustard, pickle, tomato, grilled onion, and beef in each bite.

Jack Perkins at Maple & Motor serves a half-pound burger. If you don’t like it, he suggests you share it. That does not always work for me. I go there when the mood for massive meat when I hit M&M.  Same for Beck’s. I love their gently smoked burgers smothered in hickory sauce.

Goff’s patties are a little over four ounces. I love the #2 (cheese and hickory sauce), but it is not the same without Harvey. Now, they will melt the cheese for you. In-N-Out serves three ounces.

Whenever my friends and I go out for burgers, we have the thick-or-thin patty debate. It has been going on nearly 20 years. One of them has converted to the Paleo Diet, which complicates the whole issue.

What about you? Thick? Thin? No dead cow? Wingfield’s triple?