There are two camps of people: the Eggnog People and the Eggnog Haters.
During the holidays, when this weird Christmas drink hits grocery shelves, the division becomes more apparent. We split into our two groups. We waggle our tongues at each other. We fight. We try to convince each other that our side is better.
Eggnog is a divisive drink. Everybody feels strongly about it. When I asked Nancy if she’d like to join our taste test today, she said… well, I’m not even going to write what she said.
I mean, I didn’t grow up with this creamy stuff in my refrigerator, so too much of it makes me feel sick. I get it. But, then again, it is tradition. I did this for you, folks. Hope you enjoy my stomach’s sacrifice.
B. Southern Comfort’s traditional, non-alcoholic eggnog - Global brand (Central Market)
C. H-E-B’s eggnog – San Antonio, TX (Central Market)
D. Christmas Milk: Naturally Delicious Eggnog – Frisco, TX (On the bottle, it says, “Each sale helps children in foster care find their forever home.” Buy it at Central Market)
E. Oak Farms’ holiday eggnog – National brand
- “Thin. Sweet. Kind of dull. Not enough spice.”
- “Lighter flavor, not too heavy. Cinnamon!”
- “I loved this one. Slightly bitter. It had a nice almondy taste.”
- “Smooth and sweet”
- “Creamy, like cinnamon.”
- “Extra eggy? I liked it afterward.”
- “Too creamy and a little too sweet.”
- “Great texture – hint of spice, perfectly eggnoggy.”
- “Tastes maybe like it has alcohol, but I KNOW BETTER. Not good.”
- “Realllly sweet. Too sweet.”
- “Tastes fruity.”
- “Synthetic tasting.”
- “After a glass of that, I’d be in a sugar-induced coma.”
- “Tastes more like melted ice cream, which isn’t good when I WANT EGG NOG.”
- “All cream. No spice. Boring.”
- “Whoa. Too eggy, but thick and creamy.”
- “Tastes kinda like banana milk.”
- “Banana flavor”
- “Almost a little lemon flavor in there. Good, but not my fave.”
- “Bland, custardy, not good.”
- “Gross. What is IN this?”
5 votes for (B) Southern Comfort
3 votes for (A) Borden
Everything else got zero votes.
In the middle of writing this post, I KID YOU NOT, Elsie the Borden cow walked into the office to hand out eggnog. It’s fate. Borden is trying to tell me something. Anyway, I made Bradford Pearson take a photo with that fuzzy thing. His face is classic confusion.
Despite that serendipitious moment on Borden’s part, I don’t know why its eggnog received 3 votes. If you want a classic eggnog taste, I think H-E-B’s is better. But what do I know. I liked that you could see the vanilla bean stuff floating in H-E-B’s eggnog.
If you’re not a huge eggnog fan (like me), you should go with the Christmas Milk from Frisco. It’s almost like drinking cereal milk.
Southern Comfort’s non-alcoholic eggnog, though, took the big prize on this one. It was probably the thickest one to pour, and you could definitely taste the spices. (The ingredients don’t specifically say which kinds.) Spike this one with alcohol, sit by the fire, and you’ve got yourself a toasty night. Interested to find out why this one was so clearly the winner? Check out Wired‘s investigation of Southern Comfort’s eggnog.
On the other hand, Oak Farms’ eggnog was plain, downright nasty. It’s thin, and I don’t care what the other taste testers said. Don’t buy that junk. One sip of it made me wrinkle my entire face. It will suck your Christmas spirit like a Dementor.