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Holy Cow, You Can Buy 2,000 Crystal’s Pizza Tickets for $5 Before it Closes on Sunday, Feb. 17!

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2,000 of Crystal’s Pizza tickets for sale (photo via Facebook)

I’ve never set foot inside Crystal’s Pizza, but everyone keeps telling me that it was “the sh*t.” Pardon my language. Dan Koller even emailed me and Nancy just to grieve over Crystal’s closing with a beautiful, wham bam one-liner sentence: “To Dallasites of my generation, this is a big effing deal.”

So maybe Alice Laussade wasn’t overreacting when she reported that Crystal’s Pizza is shutting its doors to fluffy childhood memories forever and ever and ever. On Sunday, February 17, to be exact. That’s when Irving becomes Crystal’s Pizza-free. (According to Liz, who calls it “that childhood house of horrors,” goodbye isn’t such a bad thing.) Anyways, I digress. The whole point of this post is to make you aware that Crystal’s is selling all of its stuff, in case you’re interested. I say “stuff” instead of “trash,” because I’m nice like that. I’m trying to give Crystal’s the benefit of the doubt. However, a Facebook post from yesterday stated that Crystal’s is selling a stack of 2,000 tickets for $5 “for those who wanted something with a Crystal’s logo on it.”

What in the world do you do with 2,000 unusable tickets? A couple of ideas come immediately to mind:

  • to use in place of toilet paper (though I can’t imagine it feeling that great)
  • for smacking a colleague where the sun don’t shine
  • as a cheap-@$$ fan in case the A/C breaks down

 
At least Crystal’s is being environmentally friendly by selling its…stuff. Hey, I’m all for recycling. And, yes, there will be more junk for sale in the coming days.