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Beloved Moutarde, Where Can I Find Thee?

The most beautiful mustard packaging ever.

Our Lead Online Developer (who, by the way, is looking to hire a sidekick/front-end web developer) just brought in these cool-looking tubes of mustard. After a small office party with gluten-free crackers topped with moutarde au tandoori and moutarde au jus de truffe, I have fallen hard for these little condiments. They’re so small that I could whip ‘em out from my purse at any time and turn a blegh sandwich to a high-end sandwich. Does this mean I have to fly all the way to France to buy these suckers? Our online developer ordered these bottles off some wine mailing list he subscribes to, but I’m wondering if any of y’all have seen these in stores around Dallas.

So, Dishers, any ideas? Or point me to a good substitute if you’re attached to another condiment brand that’s easier to find.

Liz’s Note: If you should ever drip moutarde au tandoori on your favorite shirt (that stuff is red), don’t panic. Just take it to D.D. French and then watch “The Mustard” from the Buffy musical episode Once More With Feeling. It’s the most accurate depiction of that ecstatic moment when you realize that cleaners managed to erase the evidence of your sloppiness and you’re saved from the torture of trying to replace the most beloved thing in your closet.

4 comments on “Beloved Moutarde, Where Can I Find Thee?

  1. Those mustards are made for the Garagiste mailing list retailer. It’s a producer (in Paris I think) who makes all the mustards to-order (based off the mailing-list orders). I doubt this producer can make enough to handle common distribution of any size as they’re supposedly hand made.

    Regardless, they’re quite good.

    Truffe, tandori, curry, lime, blueberry, pastis, herbs de provence, walnut, saffron…examples of past flavors.

  2. Here is the most recent Garagiste mailer on the subject –

    It may be as simple as the fact that it’s once or twice per year instead of daily (like the wine offers) but the Mustard King generates a craziness among the food conscious unlike anything else (except for maybe the Truffle Salt – another item that has a life of its own). I’ve rehashed the Mustard King story for several years now – his basement lair “production facility”, the secret toting of African and Indian spices back to Paris, etc that it’s probably redundant at this point but…

    What I can tell you is that the Mustard King (who is still The King, not The Cardinal) has become such a hot commodity that he even received a call from…are you ready…Kraft. I could write an entire essay on that interesting phone call alone but, thankfully, he has not changed his perspective, production or output one iota. It still takes months to produce each item (from ingredient through to finished mustard) and each batch is made entirely by hand from some of the most luxurious (and costly) raw materials available. Salt is not just “salt” – each mustard has a unique sea salt selected for its naturally sweet, nutty or saline overtones that he carefully chooses to blend in. In addition, each mustard has hand-toasted spices (some have toasted mustard seeds before grinding) and all textures are slightly different, erring on the silken side but never random. He selects onions, vinegar and wine from sustainable farms and the result is a mustard that stands alone in its own class – in fact, he even invented a series of “portable” mustards that are equally as sought after by Parisian chefs as they are by the home gourmand. To top it off, I’ve even heard from pastry chefs and dessert makers intent on using one of the mustards in their end-course.

    Let’s just say, the Mustard King has struck a wide-ranging chord with flavor choices that are not the norm or they redefine what the norm should be (in the case of something like Herbs de Provence). For long-winded background info, please see this link (a bit tough to read as the formatting caused spacing issues with certain words and they are jumbled together – also, it says this is from 2009 but I believe it is from 2006/2007?):
    http://www.garagistewine.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6127&hilit=mustard

    …and now, this year’s bounty…

    Moutarde aux Tandoori 110g – $12.80
    If there was ever a mustard that showed off the skill of the Mustard King, this is it. I’ve been bugging him for years about an Indian spice concoction (that was more than just curry, which I also loved) and the Tandoori is the result. It wasn’t enough for him to mix spices and call it a day – here you will find a laborious mixture of several layers combined to form a whole. He even went so far as roasting whole pods and seeds in a tandoor oven for this and specially selected the mustard seeds from a Middle Eastern variety that I had never experienced. How does it taste? Try it on French fries and you can let me know…wow!

    Moutarde Citron Vert 110g – $12.80
    This was so popular last year, that I asked him to make it again and he agreed…but only if the limes came from a single orchard that (in his opinion) have the finest citrus in Europe. Who am I to say no? A sweet/salty/citric mustard that we continually receive requests for, some of you even use this as a mixer, shaken with gin to create a bizarre juniper/lime cocktail? Whatever you decide to use it for (I vote for its benefits as a marinade for poultry or in salad dressing), it’s been a big hit. He will not produce this again – this is it.

    Moutarde Herbs de Provence – $12.80
    One of the original blends that made him (in)famous in Paris – it is a tongue in cheek expression of the Southern herb blend that has become a caricature of its original county French intentions. In the Mustard King’s hands, every ingredient is from a particular site-place and every herb is treated to a different upbringing – some are dried in the sun, others are freshly ground in their just-picked state. The salt used in this mustard is of a particularly high regard with various levels of grind used together (very fine and slightly rough). This mustard has become a staple of French chefs…when he has enough to part with.

    Moutarde aux Truffe – $12.80
    I’ll be brief as this is always the most popular mustard he crafts but he has the least of it due to the expense of the raw materials. In a nutshell, he only uses his own fresh truffle juice and “aroma” produced from a process of baking and reducing the truffles with salts and a special vinegar he sources from (I believe) the Cognac region. This item has been right up there as the most popular food item we’ve offered for the past 4-5 years running so I’ll leave it at that. Those of you suffering withdrawal (your words, not mine) should feel relieved this morning…but don’t wait too long to reply – Nicki is going to have to do allocation magic with this…