When Mystery Donuts Appear on my Desk, I Question the Meaning of Life

My surprise package from Pookies Donuts

I woke up this morning craving two things: donuts and a Big Breakfast from McDonald’s (don’t ask me why). The universe must really love me, because I walked into work this morning only to discover a big box of donuts sitting on my desk. It came with a mysterious note from Rinny & Joaquin Lewis: “Mark suggested we bring these by. Thank you [insert smiley face].”

Er, thanks for the donuts, guys, but… who are you?? Have we met before? And what did I do to deserve these fatty donuts? Three weeks ago, I gave a random man my extra DART ticket, but that was the latest act of kindness I can remember…

A thorough Google search tells me that that Pookies Donuts opened at 6522 Lemmon Ave. last month, its Facebook page has 63 likes, and needs a new cashier who can speak English and won’t send emails.

Cashier needed for Pookies Donuts. The newest hippest Donut shop in Dallas near Love Field Air Port You must be friendly and outgoing and able to work in a fast pace environment. Position is early mornings till 1:30 pm. Our Donut shop is a fun working environment with great customers. And our donuts are very creative. You must be reliable; being bilingual is a PLUS.
We are Hiring this week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EMAILS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED EMAILS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED EMAILS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED EMAILS WILL NOT BE ANSWERED
MUST Apply in Person at MUST Apply in Person at MUST Apply in Person at
Pookies Donuts 8AM TILL 12:30 PM ONLY 8AM TILL 12:30 PM ONLY 8AM TILL 12:30 PM ONLY
6522 Lemmon Ave Dallas TX 75209
Must be able to speak English$$$$$$$

As for these crazy-looking donuts sitting on my desk, they are being approached hesitantly by co-workers who are well past the age of Fruity Pebbles and Froot Loops. The blueberry donut had good reviews, but it was the only normal donut in this box of ten. To be honest, I haven’t touched a single one of these donuts yet. They look like they could eat me.