This Little Piggy Went Downtown

Posted on November 15th, 2011 12:34pm by Sarah Reiss
Filed under Bacon, BBQ, Bring it!, cheap eats, Cheap trick for comments, Chef's tasting, classes, Cult Cuisine, Daniel Walker, Diets are stupid, Eat This Now!, Food Porn, Good Morning, Good Service, hold on to your effin hat, I Hate it When That Happens, I Went to College for This?, I'm a sucker for a man in flannel, I'm about to get fired, It's just lunch, Keep Dallas Douchey!, make mine a double, Meat, Merguez Sausage Hunt, Musical Press Releases, Newfangled condiments, Nostalgia, party, pop-up restaurant, Procrastination is part of the creative process, questionable behavior, questionable judgment, Really stupid joke, Really?, Rewritten Press Releases, sassy pants, Scoops, Second coming, Sexy food, Sing Along Press Releases, Slow News Day, Snacks, somebody help this poor girl out, Things To Do, who'd a thought?

Oh yeah, it's for real.

We’re suckers for any press release that contains the following sentences:

  • Yes, this is really real.
  • Don’t you judge us; we all knew it would end up here someday.
  • And yeah, your right we probably did go too far this time.
  • Sorry, Mom.

It seems a couple well-intentioned entrepreneurs have teamed up with J&D’s Foods to create a little something they’re calling baconlube—the world’s first bacon-flavored, water-based, American-made, personal lubricant.

Billing itself as the “gold standard of meat-flavored massage oils” (natch) baconlube, they say, is like the McRib of sex: it’s delicious, makes men crazy, is here for a limited time, and is in short supply.

If you’re thinking “stocking stuffer!” (let’s stay on track here), we’re right behind you. But the boys only made 3,000 bottles of this pork-flavored nectar. It hit the interwebs yesterday at www.baconlube.com. How much, you ask, for a product that promises such a satisfying holiday season? Only $11.99.

you know you want more. jump for it…Still on the fence? Here’s a little rationalization.

FACT – People are passionate about bacon.  According to a recent survey of Canadians by Maple Leaf Foods, Canada’s market leader in the bacon category, when asked to choose between bacon and sex, more than four in 10 (43%) chose bacon.  Thanks to baconlube, Canadians will never have to choose between two of life’s greatest pleasures again.  So you’re welcome Canada, you’re welcome – we’ve got your back.

Need I mention, we’ve requested a sample?

13 comments

  1. Just make sure you’ve put your dogs outside first. Just saying.

    @ 1:11 pm on November 15, 2011

  2. What could be bad? Bacon and sex. At the same time!

    @ 1:31 pm on November 15, 2011

  3. Best. Heading. Ever.

    @ 1:56 pm on November 15, 2011

  4. [...] Ecstasy: Bacon Lube!LAistIndulge your bacon-sex fantasies with BaconlubeStraight.com (Blogs) (blog)D Magazine -Phoenix New Times (blog) -Toronto Life (blog)all 19 news [...]

    @ 2:37 pm on November 15, 2011

  5. YOU’RE

    @ 3:16 pm on November 15, 2011

  6. Hmmm. Is it kosher?

    @ 4:38 pm on November 15, 2011

  7. i love that it was filed under “newfangled condiments” (among other interesting categories).

    @ 5:00 pm on November 15, 2011

  8. I am most intrigued by what D Magazine considers related links to bacon flavored lube:

    - Abraham Salum eating Malaysian
    - Ideas for Teenage girl parties
    - Ron Corning.

    @ 7:01 pm on November 15, 2011

  9. Does it have an odor? And what about cholesterol levels?

    @ 7:05 pm on November 15, 2011

  10. Of course it’s Kosher–you just know it’s made with turkey bacon.

    But think of the stuffing.

    @ 8:05 pm on November 15, 2011

  11. John P, that’s funny. I don’t know how those are generated. I’ll check. Could produce some funny links.

    @ 9:29 am on November 16, 2011

  12. Won’t she be embarrassed when he comments how “bacony” it is down there and she realizes that this time she isn’t using it. Sexy-time KO.

    @ 10:25 am on November 16, 2011

  13. Can I get a breakfast sampler set? Pancakes, syrup, sausage, BACON, omelet, wash it down with a glass of big O-j? Morning sex anyone?

    @ 7:07 pm on November 16, 2011