You would think that frying up a tater tot would be something any idiot could do correctly. Oil meets potato, done. But unfortunately, this is not the case. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve had to eat a mushy, stale, lifeless tater tot, I’d have enough to run for president (and I’d probably be more qualified because of it than other current presidential hopefuls). So, if you’ve ever had a Napoleon-Dynamite-sized hankering for these golden nuggets of pleasure, I’ll make it simple for you, the best in the city can be found at the house that Jack built, our loveable, Maple and Motor.
Everyone knows that M&M puts out some killer burgers. That’s a given. But it’s really pretty difficult to go wrong at this place. Practically everything I have eaten there is exceptional. I’ve even licked the floors and it tasted good. But the tater tots have become a guilty obsession of mine over the past few months, an obsession that is too delightful not to share. These tots are not winning any prizes with the granola-loving, tree-hugger health food crowd, but this is Texas, people…and here we embrace obesity like a soft snuggly teddy bear.
The tots are definitely noteworthy when served up naked with a dash of Jack’s hand-picked ketchup. But these little friends of mine are taken new heights when layered in cheddar, jalapenos, chopped bacon and ranch. Hot and crispy tots, perfectly crunchy outside, tender potato inside, bound together by a layer of melted golden cheese, little bits of crispy bacon with pickled jalapenos. Seriously, God bless America.
How is something so simple, so extraordinary? I have no idea, it is one of the many mysteries surrounding the world of Jack Perkins. But the man is a freaking wizard in the kitchen, a bona fide Harry Potter of Hamburgers. Maybe you’ve been leery to venture into M&M because you’ve read some of the many rumors surrounding Jack…that he’ll eat your children, steal your wife, pour hot acid on your face, and break your dog’s leg, but the truth is, he is a good dude. He’s been nothing but an old softie with me, and I’ve tried to piss him off just to see if the rumors were true. Countless weekends have I had to endure the pleading of my grease-loving wife, as she yearn for the sultry offerings of Maple and Motor. And I’m not putting up a fight, I am also smitten.
Oh, and someone wanted to know about chili. M&M has you covered. Chili bacon cheese burger? Yes, please. Finest I’ve ever had. Or get a little crazy and throw some chili on those tots. You won’t regret it (at least until you step on the scale).