Saying “Yes” To Generosity. How Many Rounds Do You Go?

My friend Tim loves the idea of a two-round rule.

So you’re out for drinks, dinner, brunch, whatever, and the check comes. All parties reach for their wallets, but one magnanimous soul says, “I’ve got this.”

Cue the obligatory back and forth:

“No, no, let me.”

“No, no, I insist.”

“At least let me get the tip.”

“No, really. I want to.”

and on and on it goes.

I especially dislike being on the giving end of this merry-go-round because when someone argues against letting me treat them, it dampens the moment. I can’t do it often, and if I’m trying to be nice, who are you to block my mojo? What we all really want is for the receiver to say, “Wow, thanks. What a nice surprise.” Or something to that effect.

But when the shoe is on the other foot, I’m just as guilty as anyone. So, a few years back I decided that I needed to get better about accepting generosity when it comes my way. I adopted a two round rule. When I’m on the receiving end of someone else’s generosity, I give it two solid, back and forths, after which I smile and love them up with a warm and heartfelt thank you.

But I want to know about you. How many rounds do you think is reasonable?

(I know all of us have encountered a special someone who never reaches for his or her wallet—those cads who expect the world to cover their bar tab. Let’s not talk about those people. They’re tools. This is about acknowledging generosity.)