Top Chef D.C. Episode 9 Recap

What the judges use to decide who goes home.

Last night proved that all is not fair in restaurant wars. Alex and Amanda somehow managed to slip through the cracks once again, and a solid competitor was told to pack his knives and go. Can somebody please explain why this keeps happening? What’s it going to take to get Alex and Amanda kicked off? Let’s try to make some sense of this.

The producers must have figured out that Top Chef is losing its appeal because they brought back two challenges that we’ve all come to know and love. The chefs were divided into two teams for the blindfolded relay Quick Fire. On the cool, calm, and collected blue team: Kevin, Kenny, Amanda, and Kelly. On the discombobulated red team: Ed, Tiffany, Angelo, and odd-man-out Alex.

The chefs decided the order in which they’re going to cook. Everything went smoothly for the blue team. Their sautéed shrimp over pasta with mustard sauce was perfect. But things didn’t go so well for the red team. Alex seasoned the red snapper on his turn, causing Angelo to unknowingly salt it again. Never mind that Angelo could have examined the fish more closely – the team blamed Alex because who in their right mind would season the fish that early?! It’s obvious they don’t like Alex. I don’t either. But it seemed slightly ridiculous to place all of the blame on Alex. Anyways, Guest Judge/Speaker of the House/Foodie Nancy Pelosi detected the saltiness and declared the blue team the winners. They each get 2,500 bucks and bragging rights. I would like to point out that it was Amanda’s first victory! Ever! Why is she still here?

The teams remained the same for the highly anticipated Restaurant War. Each team was to come up with a concept and plan a menu for their restaurant. Naturally, Angelo and Alpha male assumed the roles of executive chef. As Alpha Male put it, “It’s The Beast vs. The Best.” Alpha Male calmly directed his team. In fact, he even checked his ego at the door so that he could do what was best for the group! They worked together well and remained collected throughout. Meanwhile, things ran amok for the red team. Angelo was barking orders and running around like a chicken with his head cut off. Still angry with Alex for over-salting the fish, they only let him butcher the meat. He messed it up, so they had to re-do everything. They decided to let him run the dining room so they wouldn’t have to deal with him. Of course, he messed that up too. He was rude to the wait staff and provided bad service to the guests. He couldn’t even tell the judges what was on their plates – specifically a dish he conceived!

When it came time for the Judges’ Table, I thought the blue team had this one in the bag. But I thought wrong. Despite Alex’s poor service, the judges thought the red team put out the best meal. The winners were just as surprised as I was. Ed’s pretty turbot won the challenge. He also won a giant bottle of wine and a trip to a vineyard. Yay Ed!

But things got ugly when the blue team was called to the Judges’ Table. They felt that they shouldn’t be there. “We worked as a team,” they said. “None of us should go home.” But they judges didn’t care about what went on behind the scenes. They only cared about the end result. But the blue team was relentless. They threw Alex under the bus and then put it in reverse and ran over him again for good measure. “Alex didn’t do anything! He should go home!” they whined. Then they went back to the storage closet and let Alex know how they felt. Holy crap! I’ve never seen Kevin get so bleeping angry.

For a second, I got really excited. I thought the judges might break the rules and send Alex home. But unfortunately, it seems that when Alpha Male checked his ego at the door, he also checked his ability to cook. Guest judge Frank Bruni’s facial expression after he took a bite of Kenny’s goat cheese “dessert” said it all. “It’s a horror show,” he remarked. The judges told Alpha Male to pack his knives and go. I guess we’ll never get to see him “unleash the beast.”

We all know I’m not Kenny’s biggest fan, but he definitely didn’t deserve to go home last night. I’d like to know how the judges come to these asinine decisions. This is the only logical scenario I can come up with: they have a dartboard somewhere in the studio adorned with all of the cheftestants’ pictures. When they just can’t make up their minds, Padma throws a dart at the board and whomever it hits must pack their knives and go.

4 comments on “Top Chef D.C. Episode 9 Recap

  1. The only thing I care for less than this season of Top Chef is Nancy Pelosi. So kudos to you, Bravo Producers, for your perfect storm of shitty programming.

  2. Go figure, Nancy Pelosi would pick the blue state. That’s hardly predestined.

    I missed last week’s show and didn’t even realize it until I saw it on the DVR on Friday night. I said to myself “self, I’m done with Top Chef this season.” I must have said it out loud because The Missus said “really?” but she didn’t disagree with me.

    Maybe we’ll get back on the train next year.