Single, white female, 57, fed up with the impersonal medical care profession, is looking for reliable health advice and a husband who is a practicing rheumatologist. Must be over 50 years old and knowledgeable about arthritis, aging and, unlike most rheumatologists, be compassionate and dedicated to treating not just symptoms, but actually allowing a patient to complete a sentence before asking the next question. Applicants must enjoy unlimited expense account dining and travel and dogs. Hours of actual husbanding are flexible. Housing arrangements TBD. Neurologists also considered. Vegetarians or married men seeking to pad their withering clientele need not apply. Grrr.