It seems that things are finally starting to heat up on Top Chef D.C. Last night’s episode featured Siamese chefs and drunk middle school kids. Now that’s what I call reality TV! Jump for the recap.
Before we get into the Quick Fire Challenge, let’s talk about our guest judge, Sam Kass, and why my new life goal is to date/marry him. First of all, he cooks for the president. No big deal. Secondly, he’s hot. Need I say more? I think not.
Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s discuss the QFC. It seemed that this one was going to been even more boring than last week’s potato peeling contest. The cheftestants had 30 minutes to make one sandwich. Easy! So the chefs are all like, “Psshhh. I got this in the bag!” Until the judges showed them what they were supposed to wear: aprons attached at the hip. TWIST! Tim said, “This is genius! Who got high and came up with this idea?” Somewhere, a Bravo intern is high-fiving himself for this brilliant idea. All I have to say is keep smoking what you’re smoking, intern.
A knife pull determines the teams. Everyone is jealous when Tracey gets paired with Angelo, because everything the guy touches turns to gold. But Tracey isn’t excited that Angelo is her teammate because of his perfect record. No. She’s excited because she secretly has a crush on him. And she gets to hug him for a whole 30 minutes! Could an in-house romance bud? I think that’s unlikely but here’s to hoping. Anyways, my boyfriend Sam advised them to “leave their egos at the door” (I’m looking at you Kenny) and the “bipartisandwich” battle was underway.
It’s no surprise that the chefs were thrown off by their partners. Alex was paranoid that Tim was going cut him. Then, as Tim furiously sliced and diced, he lost control and chopped off Alex’s finger! Their dish was ruined! Panic ensued! Taking advantage of their newfound ingredient, they decided to serve finger sandwiches instead. The judges gave them thumbs up for their creative recovery. I wish.
Angelo called their creation “sex on a plate.” Tracey secretly wished they were having sex on a plate. I then spent the next five minutes trying to erase that mental picture from my brain. So, I apologize that my memory of the dishes is a bit spotty. I remember one sandwich had a tree growing out of it. The judges tasted the sandwiches and dubbed Angelo and Tracey the winners. Angelo is relieved because he no longer has to shut down his NY sandwich shop due to embarrassment. Thank goodness. But everyone else, including our girl Tiffany, is pissed because he won yet another challenge. That’s three in a row.
On to the Elimination Challenge. In support of First Lady Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! campaign to fight childhood obesity, the chefs must take over a local cafeteria and create healthy, kid-friendly meals. Seems easy enough. Until they find out their budget. They can only spend $2.68 per child. No wonder the food in middle school was so gross. Now I understand why they served Frito pie in the bag! They couldn’t afford bowls! It’s all making sense now! Angelo got to pick his teammates/competitors first. He strategically chose Kenny, his biggest threat.
So the chefs headed to a warehouse to buy the cheapest stuff they can find. Everyone except Amanda, that is. She was running around screaming, “Where’s the sherry? I need alcohol!” Okay, what in her right mind makes her think that serving a sherry-based dish to a bunch of middle schoolers is a good idea? First of all, it’s inappropriate. She might as well serve it with an ice-cold glass of Mike’s Hard Lemonade. And there’s no way they’re going to like that. All I wanted to eat at that age were cheese sandwiches and chicken nuggets. Come on!
So they head back to the kitchen and drama ensued. Arnold (who spends $130 on a meal when he eats out – really?) was mad at Kelly because she kept saying “I” too much. Amanda was bossing her team around, too. You could say she was drunk on power. Lots of bleeping was used. The drama continued at the house later that night when Arnold called Kelly out for being self-centered all day. Ironically, they sound a little like they’ve reverted back to middle school.
The next day, the drama seemed to have subsided when team Arnold/Kelly lied to Tom and told him they all really helped each other. BS! Tom didn’t buy it. The chefs prepared their meals for the kiddos and everyone chowed down. Overall, the kids seem pretty pleased with their lunches. I think it’s because they were drunk from that sherry chicken. After everyone’s full and they’ve gotten their hug from Padma, they stumble off to their next class: Alcoholics Anonymous.
The chefs headed to the dungeon storage closet lounge to await the judges’ decision. Although I was a little distracted by Sam’s attractiveness, I’ll do my best to summarize their thoughts. They liked our girl Tiffany’s team the best (carnitas, black bean cakes, and caramelized sweet potatos). In the end, Kelly’s carnitas won the challenge. Tiffany’s sweet potatoes finished second. Close, but no cigar.
The judges weren’t big fans of team Angelo/Kenny because they lacked veggies and felt that Kenny and Ed should have been more assertive. They also called Angelo out for trying to throw the challenge. He denied it, but there’s not doubt he picked Kenny to try to knock him out of the competition.
In the end, it came down to Jacqueline’s sugary pudding and Amanda’s expensive sherry chicken. And this was when the best comments of the night occurred. Tom said the chicken looked like a turd. Then Gail chimed in with, “I love vodka but I don’t cook with it!” Right on.
Jacqueline’s pudding must have tasted worse than a turd because they sent her packing. I wanted Amanda to go home because she was pretty annoying this week, but this was Jacqueline’s second time in the bottom two. All in all, the decision wasn’t very surprising.
And that’s it for this week!
P.S. Sam, if you’re reading this feel free to click on my name up there and send me an email. We’ll talk.