Dallas Candy Corn War: Pick a Side and a Personality

Posted on October 29th, 2009 10:25am by Nancy Nichols
Filed under AgriBusiness, Celebrity Diners, Cheap trick for comments, Mistakes I made, Murmur, Skinny bitches

Yesterday at 2:59 p.m., Dave “Fairies” Faries announced on City of Ate that he hated candy corn. At 4:29 p.m., Leslie “Catch a Falling Star” Brenner proclaimed, “Here at the Dallas Morning News, we love it.”

I’ve gotta go with Faries on this. That stuff is nasty. It tastes like wax-coated “sugar.” But if Dave Faries would ever talk to me, I’d like to ask him why he insists on doing these silly wine and “food” pairings. Why would you pair a wine with candy corn or Frito’s or other random junk food? I’m just curious.

However, Mr. Faries inspired me to explore the Internet and search for my identity. Here are the results.

snickersAccording to this website, I am a Snickers Bar.

“You’re a nut. Like a Snickers bar. You like to be around people and you are friendly. You are a constant smile. Some people consider you overly energetic but if you stopped being so cheery, everyone would miss the real you.”

savblancAccording to this website, I am a Sauvignon Blanc.

Engaging and energetic, you have a lot to offer the world – most of it they’ve never seen anywhere else! You are the type of person who carves your own path in life… and you invite everyone else to come along. The only thing predictable about you is that you could have anything up your sleeve. You’re all about sampling all of life’s experiences. Both the savory and unsavory ones.
Deep down you are: Laid back and young at heart
Your partying style: Anything goes… seriously!
Your company is enjoyed best with: Smoked meats or spicy food.

So, there you have me. What about you? La Brenner and Mr. Faries, I think it only fair you weigh in here. And Teegster, spit that candy corn out of your mouth and play. Anything goes!

5 comments

  1. The Observer’s reviewer does not exist — unless you believe in Faries.

    @ 11:47 am on October 29, 2009

  2. I am going to have to represent candy corn on this one. It is one of my favorite fall things. It’s a permanent staple in the English household candy tray!

    @ 1:14 pm on October 29, 2009

  3. What? Candy Corn? Oh my gawd – its that time of year again and I can’t wait. I’ve got the Obama as Hitler costume all set for Saturday night, so get ready to fork over the goodies. Mmmmmm…. don’t you just love to eat ‘em in three bites – first the white top, then the orange middle, followed by that yellow bottom, or reverse the order, or just cram a handfull into your mouth all at once (and then a few more).

    @ 5:54 pm on October 29, 2009

  4. I’m with you in all ways Uncle Nancy. I hate that shit candy corn. And I am also SNICKERS AND SAUVIGNON BLANC!!! How cool is that????

    @ 6:29 pm on October 29, 2009

  5. I thought I was the only person that ate my candy corn in three color bites. But I also can only eat my m&ms in a specific color order. OCD like that.

    As for candy corn, love them, but the candy corn/fall mix pumpkins take the cake. The best!

    @ 12:13 am on October 30, 2009