Yesterday at 2:59 p.m., Dave “Fairies” Faries announced on City of Ate that he hated candy corn. At 4:29 p.m., Leslie “Catch a Falling Star” Brenner proclaimed, “Here at the Dallas Morning News, we love it.”
I’ve gotta go with Faries on this. That stuff is nasty. It tastes like wax-coated “sugar.” But if Dave Faries would ever talk to me, I’d like to ask him why he insists on doing these silly wine and “food” pairings. Why would you pair a wine with candy corn or Frito’s or other random junk food? I’m just curious.
However, Mr. Faries inspired me to explore the Internet and search for my identity. Here are the results.
According to this website, I am a Snickers Bar.
“You’re a nut. Like a Snickers bar. You like to be around people and you are friendly. You are a constant smile. Some people consider you overly energetic but if you stopped being so cheery, everyone would miss the real you.”
According to this website, I am a Sauvignon Blanc.
Engaging and energetic, you have a lot to offer the world – most of it they’ve never seen anywhere else! You are the type of person who carves your own path in life… and you invite everyone else to come along. The only thing predictable about you is that you could have anything up your sleeve. You’re all about sampling all of life’s experiences. Both the savory and unsavory ones.
Deep down you are: Laid back and young at heart
Your partying style: Anything goes… seriously!
Your company is enjoyed best with: Smoked meats or spicy food.
So, there you have me. What about you? La Brenner and Mr. Faries, I think it only fair you weigh in here. And Teegster, spit that candy corn out of your mouth and play. Anything goes!