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How to Have a Happy New Year’s Meal in Dallas, if You Celebrate According to the Jewish Calendar

Nancy has officially dubbed me the Rabbi of SideDish and thus assigned me to write about all things of the Yiddish/Jewish variety, so, if you have no interest in the following: Gefilte fish, chopped liver or tzimmes (a wonderful stewed mixture of fruits and vegetables that should never ever meet), feel free to skip to the next post, however.

If though, you are a working Jewish mom or just a Jewish Princess who is worried about what to do for the upcoming High Holidays, listen, take a load off. We’ve just been handed the T.J.’s Market catering menu for the High Holidays and all we’ve got to say is “Oy Vey, that Caren Alexis is going to be one tired Yiddisha Momma.”

Just listen to what they will do if you want them to make home-made Gefilte Fish (which, for some reason, I never caught on any of my many fishing expeditions): They will grind fresh fish (Pike, Lake Trout, Snapper, Buffalo, Carp, Tillapia, Haddock, Cod or Salmon). They will chop you some liver. They will give you the horseradish (red for you wimps, the pure white stuff for the strong-sinused among you). They’ve got glazed chicken breasts and brisket (and I’m assuming we’re not talking about any of that lean stuff with the barbecue sauce all over it; we’re talking tender, soft, with a bissel of fat and some oniony-soup broth gravy). They’ve got Nova Lox. The menu also has some baked brie stuffed with fruit and nuts. I’m not sure how that got on there, but it’s there nonetheless.

So, if you are planning for the High Holidays or just want to ring in the Jewish New Year (Happy 5770 everybody!) the right way, check out the menu here. Call the Alexis clan. And wish them a L’Shanna Tovah (which, in the language of my people, is the wish for a happy, healthy New Year).

8 comments on “How to Have a Happy New Year’s Meal in Dallas, if You Celebrate According to the Jewish Calendar

  1. My parents’ favorite thing to do is to call me from every High Holiday meal and describe, in detail, all of the delicious home-cooked things they are eating with my aunts, uncles, and cousins. I think they are convinced that this special brand of torture is the only way to get me to move home to Philly. Hopefully this year I’ll be able to reply by listing for them all of the things I’m eating.

    I’m still on the lookout for decent matzoh ball soup in this city. But I will admit, Central Market makes pretty good kugel and haroset.

  2. “baked brief stuffed with fruit and nuts”
    Sounds nasty.
    I prefer my fruit and nuts in boxers.

  3. I was just saying at work today how jealous I am of people who celebrate holidays I’m not really entitled to celebrate. Especially if they involve some kind of wonderful meal and enticing foods that are new to me. I’m always intrigued by traditions that I haven’t been exposed to.

  4. You don’t have to be Jewish to eat gefilte fish–although, if you are not, you will probably despise, as does every goyim I know who has tried it (especially with that nasty “jellied broth” from the jar). Now, chopped liver (that’s Jewish pate’ to the goyim) is another story–pure heaven, especially if made with schmaltz. But who cooks with schmaltx these days. Heck, my own mother wouldn’t cook with schmaltz, but my bubbei did, and it was finger-lickin’ good. She also put it in her potato kugel, along with portions of her scraped knuckles (from hand grating the potatoes).

  5. You get special dispensation for the High Holidays. Schmaltz is ok, you should not worry even if you see it floating on the top of your soup. Go for it without guilt. Life is short. Speaking of food for the holidays, try this:

    According to the Jewish calendar, this New

    Year will be the year 5770.

    According to the Chinese calendar, the year

    is 4706.

    This means that the Jews went without

    Chinese food for 1,064 years.